Limerick Thread!

[Doctorossi]

saw Ben Franklin a-flyin' his kite.

[DonWeb]

New:
Wandering through the park one night
saw Ben Franklin a-flyin' his kite.

He awaited the lightning, in knickers so frightning ...

[icehog3]

The sight turned my short and curlies white.

[icehog3]

NEW:

Trying to do everything fairly,

[Mr B]

This is something Tom does rarely

[VTDragon]

Of course, this we overlook

[Doctorossi]

it's himself he forsook

[14holestogie]

But if you're trading with Tom, do it warily.

[14holestogie]

New one:

Meeting brothers and herfing is great

[Mr B]

NC's and CC's are the debate

[Doctorossi]

One friend's favoritest stick,

[Gophernut]

Might make me sick,

[Mr B]

cuz it ended up tasting like bait.

[Mr B]

New:

Is it light wrappers or dark ones you crave?

[mariogolbee]

New:

Is it light wrappers or dark ones you crave?
Cuz green ones put you into the grave.

[icehog3]

If you prefer golden,

[Mr B]

and love them hand rolled, then..

[icehog3]

Buy all your cigars from Dave!

[icehog3]

NEW:

I once knew a girl named Nancy,

[SvilleKid]

NEW:

I once knew a girl named Nancy,

Boy, could she dance fancy,

[mariogolbee]

NEW:

I once knew a girl named Nancy,

Boy, could she dance fancy,
I gave her a dime,

[Mr B]

for a good time

[mariogolbee]

and now I feel a burn in my pantsy!

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Everyone's looking for the Face,

[Mr B]

$15 to $20 each.....disgrace

[SvilleKid]

$15 to $20 each.....disgrace

For the money they cost...

[icehog3]

I'd rather have tossed,

[mariogolbee]

My $20 on a race.

[mariogolbee]

New

This limerick thread is pretty neat,

[icehog3]

Each one is a story complete,

[mariogolbee]

The chapters get juicy,

[Mr B]

about girls named Lucy

[icehog3]

and her adventures with the moderator named Pete.

[icehog3]

NEW:

I heard something today most revolting,

[mariogolbee]

It was certainly very insulting,

[Mr B]

She said that my stogie stinks!

[mariogolbee]

and I have bad hijinks.

[DonWeb]

I heard something today most revolting,
It was certainly very insulting,
she said that I stink
and I have bad hijinks


when I looked though - I saw I was molting.

[DonWeb]

New:

I once tried to smoke a cohiba,

[mariogolbee]

New:

I once tried to smoke a cohiba,

While sitting next to a fine diva,

[Doctorossi]

She asked for a puff

[Nefari0us]

While I tickled her muff

[mariogolbee]

But then she ran off to Geneva...:sad

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Last week I went to the disco,

[Doctorossi]

You could say I got frisky in 'Frisco.

[mariogolbee]

I thought she was cute,

[icehog3]

Last week I went to the disco,

You could say I got frisky in 'Frisco.

I thought she was cute,

In her white disco suit,

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Last week I went to the disco,

You could say I got frisky in 'Frisco.

I thought she was cute,

In her white disco suit,
Until she pulled out a pistol.

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Jam, peanut butter, and jelly.

[icehog3]

Jam, peanut butter, and jelly.

Love to put it in my belly,

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Jam, peanut butter, and jelly.

Love to put it in my belly,
I spread it on bread,

[icehog3]

Jam, peanut butter, and jelly.

Love to put it in my belly,

I spread it on bread,

Then stand on my head,

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Jam, peanut butter, and jelly.

Love to put it in my belly,

I spread it on bread,

Then stand on my head,

And don't care if I look silly.

[mariogolbee]

New

There once was a man from Douchebagistan,

[icehog3]

New

There once was a man from Douchebagistan,

On the ice he was known to often tag a man,

[mariogolbee]

New

There once was a man from Douchebagistan,

On the ice he was known to often tag a man,

His stick low abut head high,

[icehog3]

New

There once was a man from Douchebagistan,

On the ice he was known to often tag a man,

His stick low abut head high,

He put some foil in the eye,

[mariogolbee]

New

There once was a man from Douchebagistan,

On the ice he was known to often tag a man,

His stick low abut head high,

He put some foil in the eye,

And gained applause the band stand.

[mariogolbee]

New

I'm tired and must go to sleep,

[Nefari0us]

Go quickly and don't make a peep

[icehog3]

And if you should snore,

[mariogolbee]

I will close the door,

[Mr B]

New

I'm tired and must go to sleep,

Go quickly and don't make a peep

And if you should snore,

I will close the door,

You can also try counting sheep

[Mr B]

New:

Friday is FINALLy here!

[Brutus2600]

I'll be going home and having a beer

[mariogolbee]

with pretzels that suck,

[Brutus2600]

and some bland boiled duck,

[mariogolbee]

and some droppings from a deer.

[mariogolbee]

NEW

Halloween is 'round the corner,

[Doctorossi]

You can dress as the dead or a mourner.

[Mr B]

" I got a Rock"

[mariogolbee]

Mr B what the FOCK?

[Mr B]

Should have never dressed as Little Jackie Horner

[Mr B]

New:

My kids will have so much candy

[mariogolbee]

New:

My kids will have so much candy

And you'll be dressed up like that singer named Brandi

[Mr B]

New:

My kids will have so much candy

And you'll be dressed up like that singer named Brandi

With tight Jerry-curles

[Doctorossi]

and a long string of pearls,

[mariogolbee]

and a backup singer named Sandy.

[mariogolbee]

NEW

I see ghosts and goblins and ghouls,

[icehog3]

NEW

I see ghosts and goblins and ghouls,

And donkeys and asses and mules,

[mariogolbee]

NEW

I see ghosts and goblins and ghouls,

And donkeys and asses and mules,

I look on with dismay,

[icehog3]

NEW

I see ghosts and goblins and ghouls,

And donkeys and asses and mules,

I look on with dismay,

As the mule starts to bray,

[mariogolbee]

NEW

I see ghosts and goblins and ghouls,

And donkeys and asses and mules,

I look on with dismay,

As the mule starts to bray,

I scratch my butt and it drools.

[mariogolbee]

NEW

I pulled up to the window and ordered,

[Mr B]

I scratch my butt and it drools.


Was the Donkey drooling or your butt :=:



;s

[Mr B]

NEW

I pulled up to the window and ordered,

I wanted my Ham and Cheese, quartered

[Nefari0us]

but they gave me the sammich

[Mr B]

all sloppy like Manwich

[Gophernut]

now my view of fast food is distorted.

[Gophernut]

New one:

The phone at work keeps ringing,

[mariogolbee]

New one:

The phone at work keeps ringing,

Which is painful because my head's dinging,

[Nefari0us]

I said "please phone, stop"

[mariogolbee]

New one:

The phone at work keeps ringing,

Which is painful because my head's dinging,

I said "please phone, stop"

Then heard a pin drop,

[Mr B]

but man have you heard Mario's singing :bh

[Mr B]

New:

I love all the rain today

[icehog3]

New:

I love all the rain today

But regardless, inside I'll stay,

[mariogolbee]

New:

I love all the rain today

But regardless, inside I'll stay,

I'll put on Sinatra,

[Mr B]

and smoke a sumatra

[icehog3]

And hope for a roll in the hay.

[icehog3]

NEW:

Doves have a dangerous beak,

[mariogolbee]

NEW:

Doves have a dangerous beak,

And Tom's undies have a brown streak, :lv

[icehog3]

Doves have a dangerous beak,

And Tom's undies have a brown streak, :lv

Mario did sniff them,

[icehog3]

NEW:

Doves have a dangerous beak,

And Tom's undies have a brown streak, :lv

Mario did sniff them,

It surely did miff him,

[icehog3]

NEW:

Doves have a dangerous beak,

And Tom's undies have a brown streak, :lv

Mario did sniff them,

It surely did miff him,

So he pulled them right off for a peek.


Sorry, Mario, but you started it. :r :r

[icehog3]

NEW:

Can't we just all get along,

[Doctorossi]

without uttering words that are 'wrong'?

[DonWeb]

NEW:

Can't we just all get along,

without uttering words that are 'wrong'?

let the love-fest begin ...

[mariogolbee]

NEW:

Can't we just all get along,

without uttering words that are 'wrong'?

let the love-fest begin ...

And go hug your kin,



Sorry, Mario, but you started it. :r :r
:r I just figured that was why your butt gets itchy!:r

[icehog3]

NEW:

Can't we just all get along,

without uttering words that are 'wrong'?

let the love-fest begin ...

And go hug your kin,




and keep the bonds of friendship strong.

[icehog3]

NEW:

Time to pour me a Stout,

[14holestogie]

NEW:

Time to pour me a Stout,

Large and cold or I'll pout

[icehog3]

Time to pour me a Stout,

Large and cold or I'll pout

A Guinness will do,

[mariogolbee]

NEW:

Time to pour me a Stout,

Large and cold or I'll pout

A Guinness will do,

but you'd rather have two,

[icehog3]

Time to pour me a Stout,

Large and cold or I'll pout

A Guinness will do,

but you'd rather have two,

Or even enough to make me pass out!

[icehog3]

NEW:

While taking the 3:10 to Yuma,

[Brutus2600]

Somebody smuged my new puma,

[icehog3]

While taking the 3:10 to Yuma,

Somebody smuged my new puma,

I challenged him to a duel,

[Brutus2600]

But looked like the fool,

[icehog3]

While taking the 3:10 to Yuma,

Somebody smuged my new puma,

I challenged him to a duel,

But looked like the fool,

When Arnold said "It's not a tumah".

[icehog3]

NEW:

A poetry genius, I'm not,

[TheTraveler]

NEW:

A poetry genius, I'm not,

Regardless, I'll give it a shot.

[icehog3]

A poetry genius, I'm not,

Regardless, I'll give it a shot.

I'll jot down a phrase,

[TheTraveler]

I'll jot down a phrase,

My friends to amaze

[icehog3]

A poetry genius, I'm not,

Regardless, I'll give it a shot.

I'll jot down a phrase,

My friends to amaze

And Paris will tell me, "That's hot".

[icehog3]

NEW:

Slugging down shots of the Stoli,

[DonWeb]

NEW:
Slugging down shots of the Stoli,
To pair with a '98 Boli,

[icehog3]

Slugging down shots of the Stoli,

To pair with a '98 Boli,

I caught quite the buzz,

[GolfNut]

and punched out the Fuzz

[icehog3]

Slugging down shots of the Stoli,

To pair with a '98 Boli,

I caught quite the buzz,

and punched out the Fuzz

Thought he was the opposing team's goalie! :bx

[icehog3]

NEW:

Everyone is looking for The Face,

[GolfNut]

It's the latest Pete Johnson race

[icehog3]

Along with Boris, Drac and Frank,

[GolfNut]

another smoke with dreadful stank (:lr)

[icehog3]

Everyone is looking for The Face,

It's the latest Pete Johnson race

Along with Boris, Drac and Frank,

another smoke with dreadful stank (:lr)

Like smoking a mouthful of mace!

[icehog3]

NEW:

Smoking alone on my porch,

[ChicagoWhiteSox]

I had too much scotch that I dropped my Blazer torch..

[icehog3]

Smoking alone on my porch,

I had too much scotch that I dropped my Blazer torch..

I reached for the light,

[TheTraveler]

Smoking alone on my porch,

I had too much scotch that I dropped my Blazer torch..

I reached for the light,

And saw an amazing sight

[Mr B]

the foot of my stogie it would still scorch.

[Mr B]

New:

On his face was a snide little smirk

[Gophernut]

New:

On his face was a snide little smirk

He came off as a total jerk,

[icehog3]

He was arrogant and smug,

[Gophernut]

and wore a bad rug,

[icehog3]

And outside elementary schools he would lurk.

[icehog3]

NEW:

The Gophers were rocking the ice,

[RevSmoke]

NEW:

The Gophers were rocking the ice,

doing pirouettes and smelling so nice,

[Brutus2600]

Said a girl in the crowd,

[Mr B]

"Go Gophers, be proud"

[Gophernut]

to win, hard work is the price!

[Gophernut]

New:

Halloween time is very near,

[RevSmoke]

New:

Halloween time is very near,

Kitsch brewers put pumpkin in beer,

(and a definition of kitsch for those who may not be familiar with the word... "Sentimentality or vulgar, often pretentious bad taste, especially in the arts." A German friend stayed with us and talked about the fact that many Americans have taken Christmas decorations to a new level of kitsch...)

[Mr B]

New:

Halloween time is very near,

Kitsch brewers put pumpkin in beer


"no seeds in mine please"

[Gophernut]

as I stumble to my knees,

[Mr B]

need for the Porcelain Goddess, is my Fear

[Mr B]

New:

Boys with skinny jeans and mama's hair cut

[icehog3]

Boys with skinny jeans and mama's hair cut

With a golden robe that resembles King Tut,

[Gophernut]

New:

Boys with skinny jeans and mama's hair cut

With a golden robe that resembles King Tut,

They can't be much past fourteen,

[Mr B]

New:

Boys with skinny jeans and mama's hair cut

With a golden robe that resembles King Tut,

They can't be much past fourteen,

disrespect, from them, is whats seen.

[Mr B]

New:

Boys with skinny jeans and mama's hair cut

With a golden robe that resembles King Tut,

They can't be much past fourteen,

disrespect, from them, is whats seen.

and could use a swift kick in the butt

[Mr B]

New:

Low rider rollin' by real slow

[VTDragon]

Front seat, Is that a Hoe?

[icehog3]

Low rider rollin' by real slow

Front seat, Is that a Hoe?

With fuzzy dice dangling,

[VTDragon]

I'm thinking of haggling

[VTDragon]

But find that my cash is too low.

[VTDragon]

new:

A big man came down from the mountains

[icehog3]

A big man came down from the mountains

And swam in the little man's fountains,

[Gophernut]

new:

A big man came down from the mountains

And swam in the little man's fountains,

He frolicked and jumped,

[Mr B]

the town goat got humped

[Gophernut]

And away he rode on a dolphin!

[Gophernut]

New:

The series isGiants versus Rangers,

[VTDragon]

Recently they've both been playoff strangers

[Mr B]

Texas must "Fear the Beard"

[ChicagoWhiteSox]

New:

The series isGiants versus Rangers,

Recently they've both been playoff strangers

only one team can win,

[Mr B]

only one team can win,

Sorry brother you were 1 min late :)

[Mr B]

New:

The series isGiants versus Rangers,

Recently they've both been playoff strangers

Texas must "Fear the Beard"
-(P

[Mr B]

New:

The series isGiants versus Rangers,

Recently they've both been playoff strangers

Texas must "Fear the Beard"


Although the color is kinda weird :tf

[Gophernut]

New:

The series isGiants versus Rangers,

Recently they've both been playoff strangers

Texas must "Fear the Beard"

Although the color is kinda weird :tf

Both lineups are full of dangers.

[Gophernut]

New one:

The wind here is just blowing,

[icehog3]

New one:

The wind here is just blowing,

It reminds me my grass does need mowing,

[Mr B]

New one:

The wind here is just blowing,

It reminds me my grass does need mowing,

So I grab a yard gar

[icehog3]

New one:

The wind here is just blowing,

It reminds me my grass does need mowing,

So I grab a yard gar


And hop in my car,

[icehog3]

New one:

The wind here is just blowing,

It reminds me my grass does need mowing,

So I grab a yard gar

And hop in my car,

That grass will have to keep growing.

[icehog3]

NEW:

Just a few hours 'til Hump Day,

[Mr B]

the weekend seems so far -away

[icehog3]

So I will trudge on through,

[Mr B]

maybe buy some brew

[icehog3]

and it's finally here...Hooray!

[icehog3]

NEW:

While following the yellow brick road,

[Mr B]

I licked a psychedelic toad

[Brutus2600]

My what a trip,

[Mr B]

is that Dorthy, in a slip?

[icehog3]

I think I just blew my load.

[icehog3]

NEW:

One day while playing some hoops,

[Mr B]

I think I just blew my load.


Awesome, I wanted to write the exact same thing but I didnt want to be a post hog :banger

[Mr B]

NEW:

One day while playing some hoops,

I got a bad case of the poops

[Brutus2600]

I ruined my shorts,

[Mr B]

NEW:

One day while playing some hoops,

I got a bad case of the poops

I ruined my shorts,


made a mess of sorts

[VTDragon]

made a mess of sorts

Now commando is how I play hoops

[VTDragon]

new:

All the leaves are now off the trees

[14holestogie]

new:

All the leaves are now off the trees

And the pants now cover the knees

[Gophernut]

new:

All the leaves are now off the trees

And the pants now cover the knees

There is a chill in the air,

[icehog3]

new:

All the leaves are now off the trees

And the pants now cover the knees

There is a chill in the air,

No more shoulders are bare,

[Mr B]

soon it will be time for a freeze

[Mr B]

New:

The ponds will be covered with ice

[icehog3]

New:

The ponds will be covered with ice

Kids heads will be covered with lice,

[Mr B]

they're better than crabs...

[icehog3]

New:

The ponds will be covered with ice

Kids heads will be covered with lice,

they're better than crabs...

'cause they don't leave scabs,

[Mr B]

but they're tasty with herbs and spice

[Mr B]

New:

A man and woman went on a cruise

[Brutus2600]

At the casino they'll surely lose

[icehog3]

Their nest egg is blown,

[Mr B]

her breasts were shown

[Mr B]

The women who scoffed were all just shrews.

[Mr B]

New:

There once was a man named Pepin

[icehog3]

New:

There once was a man named Pepin

To cigar shops he would step in,

[TheTraveler]

There once was a man named Pepin

To cigar shops he would step in,

His cigars were sublime

[icehog3]

New:

There once was a man named Pepin

To cigar shops he would step in,

His cigars were sublime

Their price was a crime,

[Mr B]

New:

There once was a man named Pepin

To cigar shops he would step in,

His cigars were sublime

Their price was a crime,

but to not buy them, would surely be sin

[Mr B]

New:

How do I smoke with this rain

[icehog3]

New:

How do I smoke with this rain

I don't want to get soaked once again,

[VTDragon]

Guess I could head out to the garage

[Mr B]

New:

How do I smoke with this rain

I don't want to get soaked once again,

Guess I could head out to the garage

followed up with a good massage

[icehog3]

New:

How do I smoke with this rain

I don't want to get soaked once again,

Guess I could head out to the garage

followed up with a good massage

which left Monica's dress with a stain.

[icehog3]

NEW:

The Giants are up by two,

[14holestogie]

NEW:

The Giants are up by two,

What can the Texans do?

[icehog3]

NEW:

The Giants are up by two,

What can the Texans do?

Take Game 3,

[14holestogie]

NEW:

The Giants are up by two,

What can the Texans do?

Take Game 3,

They did, you see

[icehog3]

NEW:

The Giants are up by two,

What can the Texans do?

Take Game 3,

They did, you see

Now they just need three!

[icehog3]

New:

November is finally here,

[DonWeb]

New:
November is finally here,
The month when some hunters hunt deer,

[VTDragon]

Patriots are on top of the league

[icehog3]

And Randy Moss is a peeg,

[VTDragon]

Vikings officially give up on the year

[VTDragon]

New:

Was soaking in the hot tub last night

[icehog3]

When I had a terrible fright,

[GolfNut]

in a speedo was longknocker

[icehog3]

in a speedo was longknocker

Getting a shocker,

[VTDragon]

Frightened, I turned out the light

[VTDragon]

new:

The election is finally over

[VTDragon]

new:

The election is finally over

Winners are all in the clover

[VTDragon]

new:

The election is finally over

Winners are all in the clover

Losers are licking their wounds

[VTDragon]

The election is finally over
Winners are all in the clover
Losers are licking their wounds
Some were revealed to be goons

[Mr B]

new:

The election is finally over

Winners are all in the clover

Losers are licking their wounds

Some were revealed to be goons

But they're just gonna make us bend-over.

[Mr B]

New:

A chill is in the air.

[icehog3]

New:

A chill is in the air.

No more shoulders will be bare,

[Mr B]

New:

A chill is in the air.

No more shoulders will be bare,

Scantly clad babes, will be no more

[icehog3]

New:

A chill is in the air.

No more shoulders will be bare,

Scantly clad babes, will be no more

Even Sheila, the dirty whore,

[Mr B]

New:

A chill is in the air.

No more shoulders will be bare,

Scantly clad babes, will be no more

Even Sheila, the dirty whore,


Wont be showing her Derriere

[Mr B]

New:

There was an old guy from back East.

[icehog3]

New:

There was an old guy from back East.

I think I liked him the least,