Advice for B&M customers anyone?

[Silound]

My short answer is "Customers who think they own the shop." That ranges from the snobbish ones with bad form, to the polite ones who stay in the shop all day without spending a dollar taking up space for paying customers.

Customers who can't aim in the bathroom (daily problem). Sit down if you can't ****ing piss straight! Didn't you learn that as a kid?

Customers who bring business into the shop. Guys, this isn't the office. Don't talk loudly on your cell phone or have a business meeting at the shop because you want to show everyone how important you are. If you have a call, step outside to the covered area to take it. If you want to bring your laptop or paperwork, that's fine as long as you keep it to yourself and are quiet. Please don't occupy the whole table with your work, as others may want to play cards or sit and talk.

Shop seating is for any customers, but it is limited. If you aren't smoking a cigar and it's busy, please leave or get up and let the smoking customers have a place to sit. Also, unfortunately, you do not own that particular chair or place on the couch. Don't harass other customers if they sit there.

Guns. They're OK to have on you, not OK to display or wave around. We have some customers who, believe it or not, are afraid of, or offended by, firearms. We would prefer to keep the shop friendly so the lady out shopping can stop by for a smoke or to pick up a few.

Kids. This is a strictly 18+ establishment. Please don't come here for a period of time with your children, and please don't ask if it is OK for you to buy your 14 year old grandson a cigar because he wants one and cannot legally buy one. If you're doing a quick stop for some smokes to take with you, we understand that you may bring the kids in for a moment and thus we try to maintain a "family friendly" atmosphere, and will make every attempt to expedite the process of getting you checked out quickly. However, we don't want to hear your kids whining about "it stinks" or "can we leave yet?" in the shop. They aren't supposed to be in here, we try to facilitate you by allowing you to bring them in for a quick moment, but please don't abuse it and irritate us.

We are a retail shop as well as a lounge. This means we like to have the place look presentable for the people who come to shop here, especially during the holiday season. Please be considerate with your dress, language, and attitude while others are in the shop.

As far as TV remotes and channels: There is but one TV, and you will all share it. If someone objects to your choice of programming, please find something you can all agree on or allow them to have a turn. You don't own the remote, and there is no need to turn the volume way up to drown out other people's voices.

If you don't like someone, the shop is not the place to grind an axe or be obnoxious. Take it home.

We, as the shop, DO NOT owe you anything, regardless of how good of a customer you think you are. We make every effort to please our customers within reasonable expectations, but that does not mean you are entitled to any of the following: discounts, holds, deals, preferential treatment (even if you owned the shop at one time or another), free lockers/cokes/cigars/samples, or anything else that isn't already provided. We go so far as to offer drive-up service if you call an order in ahead, and we will happily bend over backwards to make you happy....don't abuse it and don't irritate the employees/shop/owner.

Speaking of, the owner/manager/or employee is not there to be your lackey. Ask a favor of us nicely and we may be willing to do something for you. Make demands or order us around, and don't be surprised if we're "busy." You can get up to get your own cigars from the humidor, or your own coke or cup of coffee or whatever.

If we want to give you a discount to show our appreciation of your business, we will. It can't always happen, especially on rare/HTF sticks, or on new sticks, or on cigars we already discount. Padron 3000, sure. Padron 80th? No dice.

The counter is not your desk. Please stay out from behind it, and do not congregate around it.

Matches and bags are for people who buy cigars. Believe it or not, these cost money, and if you buy high quality matches like we did, they can cost as much as 25 cents per box. That means each person gets forty cents or more of matches and bags free. That means the shop loses between $40-80 a day as a service to customers. Please don't abuse this generosity. Please don't ask for matches just to sit on the couch and use one match from the box. We have lighters everywhere, and we have matches sitting around the tables. Please don't waste our money by being too lazy to get up and use what we provide. And I don't care how bad you are at smoking, you don't need 4 boxes of matches for one cigar. The only time you get 4 boxes is when you buy a box or more of cigars.


Arrrgh, I could keep on going and going and going....