Zen Sarcasm

hotreds · 09-04-2014, 07:38 PM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experiences, and a lot of those
come from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

and Last but not least....

23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

markem · 09-04-2014, 08:37 PM

It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

The Poet · 09-04-2014, 09:47 PM

My karma ran over my dogma.

09-04-2014, 07:38 PM	#1
hotreds Ephesians 2:8 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 5 miles past "Resume Speed" Posts: 11,658 Trading: (63)	Zen Sarcasm 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. Good judgment comes from bad experiences, and a lot of those come from bad judgment. 16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 17. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 18. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 22. Never miss a good chance to shut up. and Last but not least.... 23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. __________________ God loves you so much, that he made you read this, just to let you know.

09-04-2014, 08:37 PM	#2
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,524 Trading: (47)	Re: Zen Sarcasm It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. __________________ I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx

09-04-2014, 09:47 PM	#3
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: Zen Sarcasm My karma ran over my dogma. __________________ Ninety percent of everything is crap - Theodore Sturgeon.