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05-09-2012, 12:11 PM
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#1 |
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Resident Maduro Whore!!
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Some Good Ones...
- I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
- The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she’s 21 and her name’s Suzie. - Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 23 and I’m 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. - My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said, “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.” - Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.. - Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said, “I not understanding question please.” - The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries. - A man calls 911 and says, “I think my wife is dead.” The operator says, “How do you know?” He says, “The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!” - I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.” - My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. - I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod, after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.
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 Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
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05-09-2012, 02:51 PM
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#5 |
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I am behind you. SHHHHH
Join Date: Dec 2011
First Name: Cory
Location: Under a Bridge, trying to find the troll who stole my soul.
Posts: 1,370
Trading: (20)
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Re: Some Good Ones...
Almost. Pissed my pants
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 GMCGTPWHAF Tennessee Chapter. Down with the bloody BIG HEAD |
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05-09-2012, 07:05 PM
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#6 |
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Heads up get down
Join Date: Oct 2010
First Name: Clayton
Location: NW Alabama by the river
Posts: 2,720
Trading: (25)
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Re: Some Good Ones...
My wife told me to give her 10 inches and make it hurt. So, I cracked her twice and then hit her over the head with a lamp.
My wife wanted anal sex to be more enjoyable so we went to a sex therapist. He explained if I was doing it right, when she orgasmed, her ass would tighten up. We went back to visit the following week and he asked how it was. "it was great!" quipped my wife. "What was your asshole doing while you were having an orgasm?" "Oh, he was at home, keeping the kids!" I rolled over and asked my wife to give me some washing machine. She told me I wasn't getting anything from her until I learned to call 'it' by it's proper name. About 15 minutes later, she said, "Oh, alright! You can have it." "Too late babe. Done washed a load by hand!"
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No matter what one's status is in society, cigars are the great equalizer where the affluent and common share a love for the leaf. - Me. |
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05-09-2012, 08:51 PM
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#7 |
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Yes I am a Pirate
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: 33°46′08″N 86°28′16″W / 33.76895°N 86.471037°W
Posts: 2,776
Trading: (52)
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Re: Some Good Ones...
Me and my wife decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
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Ceilin' fan it stirs the air, Cigar smoke does swirl. The fragrance on the pillow case, and he thinks about the girl. Thanks, JB, 1975. |
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