Anyone struggle with Anxiety?

[shilala]

About 10 years ago I used to have anxiety attacks and migraines. The migraines were from the tons of caffiene I took in.
The anxiety attacks would end me up in the ER and they'd draw blood gas because they thought I was having a heart attack. That hurts like hell.
I also had seasonal depression that turned into suicidal depression.
I drank a case of beer a day and tried every drug in the book. Most of them made me puke, so I had to double up.
Long story short...
A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.
If I stay in the moment, I can cope. That's as much as I can handle.
It made sense. So I went and got a lot of help from people who had learned how to think in a manner that wasn't killing them, adopted a bunch of perspectives I didn't want to, and found a God that I hadn't wanted.
All that stuff allowed me to become willing to learn how to "stay in the moment". The anxiety has been gone for about five years, the depression hung on a bit longer.

It is absolutely amazing to me that the way I thought made me so incredibly sick.
If I hadn't lived it, I honestly wouldn't believe it. I learned how to think from my Dad, and he's a 100% hopeless alcoholic, and ready for an early grave himself. So it made sense I was in the shape I was in. I just did like I was taught.
I should mention that if it all hadn't been fixed by just learning how to think differently, I'd have never believed that, either. It took a long time, too. A few years of practicing. But it got better slowly. The drugs helped along the way. The one that finally worked for me was serzone. It settled my head down just enough so that I could think straight and listen and accept some reason.

[floydpink]

Originally Posted by shilala

About 10 years ago I used to have anxiety attacks and migraines. The migraines were from the tons of caffiene I took in.
The anxiety attacks would end me up in the ER and they'd draw blood gas because they thought I was having a heart attack. That hurts like hell.
I also had seasonal depression that turned into suicidal depression.
I drank a case of beer a day and tried every drug in the book. Most of them made me puke, so I had to double up.
Long story short...
A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.If I stay in the moment, I can cope. That's as much as I can handle.
It made sense. So I went and got a lot of help from people who had learned how to think in a manner that wasn't killing them, adopted a bunch of perspectives I didn't want to, and found a God that I hadn't wanted.
All that stuff allowed me to become willing to learn how to "stay in the moment". The anxiety has been gone for about five years, the depression hung on a bit longer.

It is absolutely amazing to me that the way I thought made me so incredibly sick.
If I hadn't lived it, I honestly wouldn't believe it. I learned how to think from my Dad, and he's a 100% hopeless alcoholic, and ready for an early grave himself. So it made sense I was in the shape I was in. I just did like I was taught.
I should mention that if it all hadn't been fixed by just learning how to think differently, I'd have never believed that, either. It took a long time, too. A few years of practicing. But it got better slowly. The drugs helped along the way. The one that finally worked for me was serzone. It settled my head down just enough so that I could think straight and listen and accept some reason.

That's one of the smartest things I have seen written in a very long time.
I might put that on my desktop if it's ok with you.

[jjirons69]

Good one, Scott. When I read that, I thought, that makes a hell of a lot of sense.

My mom was always kind of cooky (nervous and sensitive) when I was growing up, but my dad was solid. I was solid until 1996. I had already battled my way through college in the early 90s, which I saw as very stressful, and thought life was finally on easy street. Right after I had gotten engaged, I started with the anxious feelings. Never had experienced it. Seems I was thinking too much about my future and a feeling of no longer being on control of my destiny (like anyone ever is). One bad thought led to two, etc. Within a month, I was full blown anxious. Stress and anxiety are two very different things. This wasn't stress I had. It felt like I had a strap tightening around my chest. It made it hard to breath. My body hurt. My joints hurt. I couldn't eat. My throat felt like it was nearly closed shut and swallowing food was nearly impossible. Lost 15 lbs in a couple of months. I couldn't sleep, to the point I dreaded nightfall. Dreaded is an understatement. I prayed. I cussed. After 3-4 months, I was spinning out of control and could barely stand it anymore. I really didn't feel like living the rest of my life feeling like that. I remember telling my dad I think I've had enough. Also seemed no one really understood. I only talked to a few people about it. Kind of embarrassed as I felt weak-willed or something. I started seeing a Dr. Took Zoloft for a year or so. Took thousands of 1 mg Ativans to try to combat the anxiety. Smoked lots of natural remedy, but that often made it worse. Probably had depression too from trying to deal with the anxiety. I was f*cked up. Really. My brain needed to be restarted, it was in a very bad rut. From a 10 to a 1 in a matter of months. I didn't know what had happed to me. I had always had the most positive attitude and outlook on life. I really thought I was doomed. And I couldn't figure out a way to fix it and that really frustrated me. It seemed every time I felt better, I'd start thinking about it and go haywire again. It was affecting my entire life, from family, to frinds, to work. I thank my wife for sticking with me. I thank my dad for helping me cope. He gave me words of wisdom that only a dad can give. I emmersed myself in a close friend's church and I got some comfort knowing others were praying for me. I knew no matter what, God, family, medicine, etc., it was up to me to change my way of thinking. I took long walks or went jogging. I went to the mall to be around people, as I would go crazy being by myself and feeling this way. I emmersed myself in hobbies. I put together dozens of 1000 piece puzzles. I bought a telescope and started studying star charts. I started doing woodworking. I kept my mind as busy as I could to keep it from thinking negative thoughts. I started to see that I had so much to be thankful for. I saw where I was so much more fortunate than others around me and I tried to live that way. I adopted the "live for today" mentality. I tried to think positive at all times. By 1998 I was off all the meds and I was somewhat happy again. If I started feeling 'weird' again, I'd find something to take my mind off of it. I'd say it was some time in the early 00s before I thought of myself as healed and I know longer feared a relapse. I guess every cloud has a silver lining - I have been able to help two employees of mine over the years deal with the same thing. I explained my symptoms and I listened to their's. Giving someone a trusting person to talk to, that has experienced what they're dealing with, is an incredible gift. Hopefully my experience will continue to help others. At least they know there can be an end and life can get back to how they remember it.

Good luck, brother! If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a PM away. Phone call if that doesn't help.

Live for today, but plan for tomorrow!

[smokin5]

I don't suffer from anxiety or stress, but I think I'm a carrier.

[G G]

Originally Posted by floydpink

That's one of the smartest things I have seen written in a very long time.
I might put that on my desktop if it's ok with you.

You inspire Scott.

[shilala]

Originally Posted by floydpink

That's one of the smartest things I have seen written in a very long time.
I might put that on my desktop if it's ok with you.

It ain't mine, brother. You're as welcome to it as I was.

I let all the anxiety and depression take me to sticking a gun in my mouth. It took cold steel to go "wtf, man?" I knew I could be happy, cause I was before. I knew I could be at peace, because I was before.
The anxiety was the easiest thing to fix.
I found that I had made habit of "knowing" what was going to happen. I knew what people were thinking. I would go over every single thing that was going to happen and compute 1000 outcomes so I could be prepared for any situation, because if I didn't, something absolutely horrible would certainly happen that was out of my control.
My kid could fall down the steps, I could crash the car, I could lose my job, whatever. I had to be eternally vigilant so that I could do the perfect thing at the perfect time so that everything worked out exactly as I had preordained.
It worked out for sh1t, but I bought into that line of thinking 100%, mostly because it had worked well for so long. The wheels really started coming off when it stopped working.
I learned that I don't have a crystal ball.
I learned that I don't know what people are thinking.
I learned that what people think of me is none of my business.
The hardest one to swallow was that I wasn't in control of anything, ever.
There were lots of other things I had to learn, as well, but that's kinda the jist of it.

I was taught that if I worked hard, did my best, and never gave up, I could achieve anything.
I did just that and became very successful. Everything came my way, and it all came easily.
When things started going south, I found it was the greatest lie I had ever bought into. Every fortune I ever had was given me by God's Grace. That one took lots of years for me to even begin to understand.

That aside, I was told to employ a "bullsh1t detector". Every time I started thinking I knew what was going to happen next, or started to think into the future, horns and lights went off in my head and I immediately stopped myself. I didn't have a reason why to do it, or know what would happen. I was just told to do it and did it religiously.
It was very difficult in the beginning. I'd try like hell to stop thinking and just couldn't do it. So I started banging my head on the wall. Literally.
I had a favorite spot between the kitchen and the dining room with a nice wide board in the doorway where I wouldn't catch a corner and cut my forehead. (That got old and made me feel stupid.)
I found that enough pain would stop my brain.
Eventually I got smart enough that it wasn't worth the pain. I'd just stop thinking, albeit grudgingly, and start up again at the very first opportunity.
Habits are very hard to break, and patterns of thinking are just that, habit.

Ultimately, the lasting "cure" for the anxiety came through Faith. Understanding that God has always loved me and always will love and provide for me is what I believe with all my heart and soul. Now I don't have to think about what's coming next, don't project into the future, and don't suffer the physical effects of my old way of thinking. If I end up living under a bridge in a box, I am 100% okay with that. I can still be happy in a box, in the mud, eating out of garbage cans. It'll be a far easier way to live than I live right now, and it'll require a lot less responsibility, and I hate responsibility.

Depression takes a lot more work, and requires a lot more humility, work and time, but I found that there was a lot of relief from giving up on the "what if's". What if I had done it this way, what if I had said this instead, what if I hadn't done this, the list goes on ad finitum.
I used the bullsh1t detector and the foyer wall for that, too.
Ultimately I had to go back and right all the wrongs, make amends, ask forgiveness from all the people I'd hurt along the way, and then I was able to ask God's forgiveness. That cleaned the slate, and the depression has been gone since.

The whole "fix" takes a lot of time. There's a lot of avenues, and lots of different levels of relief. Some people are happy with just feeling well enough that they don't want to kill themselves every day.
I've heard mention that people have found ways to get it done without God, and that they're perfectly content. I can't comment on that cause I didn't go that way. What I do know is that I tried all the drugs, all the alcohol, all the counselors, all the psychiatrists, all the doctors, and everything anyone suggested for about five years and none gave me any lasting relief. That five years of effort ended up with me sucking on a .35 Remington in my dining room.

I can go on forever, but all I really wanted to say is that there's a way out. Once you know that, there's Hope. As long as there's Hope, there's a reason to keep trying.
You'll be fine. Just work on it, and know it takes time to change old habits. Know this, too...
I found I couldn't fix a sick mind with a sick mind. That's why I had to take direction from others and do what I was told. If I was still trying to fix my head by myself, I'd be right where I started.

[Fumador]

Originally Posted by shilala

It ain't mine, brother. You're as welcome to it as I was.

I let all the anxiety and depression take me to sticking a gun in my mouth. It took cold steel to go "wtf, man?" I knew I could be happy, cause I was before. I knew I could be at peace, because I was before.
The anxiety was the easiest thing to fix.
I found that I had made habit of "knowing" what was going to happen. I knew what people were thinking. I would go over every single thing that was going to happen and compute 1000 outcomes so I could be prepared for any situation, because if I didn't, something absolutely horrible would certainly happen that was out of my control.
My kid could fall down the steps, I could crash the car, I could lose my job, whatever. I had to be eternally vigilant so that I could do the perfect thing at the perfect time so that everything worked out exactly as I had preordained.
It worked out for sh1t, but I bought into that line of thinking 100%, mostly because it had worked well for so long. The wheels really started coming off when it stopped working.
I learned that I don't have a crystal ball.
I learned that I don't know what people are thinking.
I learned that what people think of me is none of my business.
The hardest one to swallow was that I wasn't in control of anything, ever.
There were lots of other things I had to learn, as well, but that's kinda the jist of it.

I was taught that if I worked hard, did my best, and never gave up, I could achieve anything.
I did just that and became very successful. Everything came my way, and it all came easily.
When things started going south, I found it was the greatest lie I had ever bought into. Every fortune I ever had was given me by God's Grace. That one took lots of years for me to even begin to understand.

That aside, I was told to employ a "bullsh1t detector". Every time I started thinking I knew what was going to happen next, or started to think into the future, horns and lights went off in my head and I immediately stopped myself. I didn't have a reason why to do it, or know what would happen. I was just told to do it and did it religiously.
It was very difficult in the beginning. I'd try like hell to stop thinking and just couldn't do it. So I started banging my head on the wall. Literally.
I had a favorite spot between the kitchen and the dining room with a nice wide board in the doorway where I wouldn't catch a corner and cut my forehead. (That got old and made me feel stupid.)
I found that enough pain would stop my brain.
Eventually I got smart enough that it wasn't worth the pain. I'd just stop thinking, albeit grudgingly, and start up again at the very first opportunity.
Habits are very hard to break, and patterns of thinking are just that, habit.

Ultimately, the lasting "cure" for the anxiety came through Faith. Understanding that God has always loved me and always will love and provide for me is what I believe with all my heart and soul. Now I don't have to think about what's coming next, don't project into the future, and don't suffer the physical effects of my old way of thinking. If I end up living under a bridge in a box, I am 100% okay with that. I can still be happy in a box, in the mud, eating out of garbage cans. It'll be a far easier way to live than I live right now, and it'll require a lot less responsibility, and I hate responsibility.

Depression takes a lot more work, and requires a lot more humility, work and time, but I found that there was a lot of relief from giving up on the "what if's". What if I had done it this way, what if I had said this instead, what if I hadn't done this, the list goes on ad finitum.
I used the bullsh1t detector and the foyer wall for that, too.
Ultimately I had to go back and right all the wrongs, make amends, ask forgiveness from all the people I'd hurt along the way, and then I was able to ask God's forgiveness. That cleaned the slate, and the depression has been gone since.

The whole "fix" takes a lot of time. There's a lot of avenues, and lots of different levels of relief. Some people are happy with just feeling well enough that they don't want to kill themselves every day.
I've heard mention that people have found ways to get it done without God, and that they're perfectly content. I can't comment on that cause I didn't go that way. What I do know is that I tried all the drugs, all the alcohol, all the counselors, all the psychiatrists, all the doctors, and everything anyone suggested for about five years and none gave me any lasting relief. That five years of effort ended up with me sucking on a .35 Remington in my dining room.

I can go on forever, but all I really wanted to say is that there's a way out. Once you know that, there's Hope. As long as there's Hope, there's a reason to keep trying.
You'll be fine. Just work on it, and know it takes time to change old habits. Know this, too...
I found I couldn't fix a sick mind with a sick mind. That's why I had to take direction from others and do what I was told. If I was still trying to fix my head by myself, I'd be right where I started.

Ditto except for the banging head part.

[shilala]

Originally Posted by Fumador

Ditto except for the banging head part.

The head banging was the least painful part for the first few years.

[borndead1]

Had terrible anxiety and panic attacks for years before I finally "admitted defeat" and got on Prozac. It takes the edge off without changing your personality. Doc also gave me Oxazepam which is a weaker version of Klonopin. Oxazepam is good stuff because I could take it at work and not be a zombie. I would definitely recommend Oxazepam instead of Klonazepam (Klonopin).


I felt like I was being punished, or that I was standing outside myself and watching myself go insane. I would burst into tears or fly into a rage for no reason, couldn't sleep and had nightmares when I did, had obsessive horrible thoughts. I would imagine what it would feel like to cut my tongue off with a pair of scissors. Then once that thought came I couldn't get rid of it. It was as if I lost control of my thought process.

My anxiety/panic attacks was a drug-induced condition. I partook a little too much in the chemical dept. (meth) and I basically short circuited my brain. Been drug free for going on 12 years now. I have a few drinks now and then though.


EDIT: Exercise does help quite a bit. Push-ups are good. Push-ups with somebody underneath you are even better.

[Starscream]

Originally Posted by floydpink

I once mixed valium with viagra to try to relieve 2 things at once and felt like if you don't get a f*ck, you don't give a f*ck.

[smitdavi]

Originally Posted by shilala

A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.

That's a great statement. When I graduated from IU I suffered with anxiety for almost a year. The stress of finding a real job and being dirt poor really took it's toll. When I would get stressed or think about my current situation I would get real bad gag reflexes. It was weird but it controlled my life. Ultimately I would end up vomiting every time. I would just have to calm myself down, eat a candy, and take half a muscle relaxer to relieve the muscle tension in my throat and neck. Eventually I was able to beat it after finding a good job and learning not to keep all my feelings internal. It still rears it's ugly head every once and a while when I get really stressed but for the most part it's in my past and would love to keep it there. Good luck with your struggle, anxiety can be very tough to deal with and I feel your pain.

[qwerty1500]

Originally Posted by shilala

Long story short...
A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.

It is absolutely amazing to me that the way I thought made me so incredibly sick.

Wisdom. Too bad it's so hard to follow.

[Fumador]

Originally Posted by shilala

About 10 years ago I used to have anxiety attacks and migraines. The migraines were from the tons of caffiene I took in.
The anxiety attacks would end me up in the ER and they'd draw blood gas because they thought I was having a heart attack. That hurts like hell.
I also had seasonal depression that turned into suicidal depression.
I drank a case of beer a day and tried every drug in the book. Most of them made me puke, so I had to double up.
Long story short...
A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.
If I stay in the moment, I can cope. That's as much as I can handle.
It made sense. So I went and got a lot of help from people who had learned how to think in a manner that wasn't killing them, adopted a bunch of perspectives I didn't want to, and found a God that I hadn't wanted.
All that stuff allowed me to become willing to learn how to "stay in the moment". The anxiety has been gone for about five years, the depression hung on a bit longer.

It is absolutely amazing to me that the way I thought made me so incredibly sick.
If I hadn't lived it, I honestly wouldn't believe it. I learned how to think from my Dad, and he's a 100% hopeless alcoholic, and ready for an early grave himself. So it made sense I was in the shape I was in. I just did like I was taught.
I should mention that if it all hadn't been fixed by just learning how to think differently, I'd have never believed that, either. It took a long time, too. A few years of practicing. But it got better slowly. The drugs helped along the way. The one that finally worked for me was serzone. It settled my head down just enough so that I could think straight and listen and accept some reason.

I know this is an old post but I have a life story very similar to yours with a new lease on life. People are astounded that I had such a messed up life before.