need advice on handling a student...

loki · 02-24-2009, 06:17 AM

this kid has had a real hard life... I had a student come into my office just now, 5 hours before they have to be here and told me he was going to be late because his uncle was coming home for a visit from rehab for an hour today and he asked if that was ok. I said yes, he then gave me the back story on why he wanted to see his uncle.

He told me his dad was on drugs since he was 8, went to jail, his uncle raised him, went to jail, grandfather took over, died, dad came back from jail, back on drugs, uncle just oded and his dad maybe getting charged with homocide and is really back into drugs again...he's 15 and I want to help the kid but I don't know how. Any other teachers on right now willing to lend me a hand or anyone in general want to give me pointers? Everything I'm thinking just rings hollow to me....oh he's 15

muziq · 02-24-2009, 06:22 AM

Ooof, that's a mine field. Get your campus' counselor involved pronto; I assume your school district also has a main/superintendent's office-level intervention officer, to whom I'd go if the campus counselor is not available. Those folks are professionals (most of the time) and should have initial strategies to employ. Short of knowing more specifics about your school district and its administration, I say get those folks involved immediately.

ucla695 · 02-24-2009, 06:35 AM

Wow, sorry to hear this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by muziq

Ooof, that's a mine field. Get your campus' counselor involved pronto; I assume your school district also has a main/superintendent's office-level intervention officer, to whom I'd go if the campus counselor is not available. Those folks are professionals (most of the time) and should have initial strategies to employ. Short of knowing more specifics about your school district and its administration, I say get those folks involved immediately.

Yes, get the professionals involved.

loki · 02-24-2009, 06:42 AM

thanks, I think I'll talk to them but sinec he came to me I'd rather have him just talk to me. If he felt he could trust the counsler ect I feel like he'd have gone to them...I just feel so bad for this kid

muziq · 02-24-2009, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loki

thanks, I think I'll talk to them but sinec he came to me I'd rather have him just talk to me. If he felt he could trust the counsler ect I feel like he'd have gone to them...I just feel so bad for this kid

If you approach the student with respect and tell him you think there are people (the counselors) who have the ability to help and want to help, this may help build the trust that makes him feel safe getting help from a counselor. As a teacher I'm sure you've seen that kids go to the people they know, not the function they need (i.e. they know you as the teacher because they see you every day; they don't know counselors personally so even if the counselors are super-friendly, they're often not a student's first choice).

If he's like many/most 15-year-olds, he may respond best to you showing him the respect to get his "permission" to involve a counselor.

Good luck!

Starscream · 02-24-2009, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loki

this kid has had a real hard life... I had a student come into my office just now, 5 hours before they have to be here and told me he was going to be late because his uncle was coming home for a visit from rehab for an hour today and he asked if that was ok. I said yes, he then gave me the back story on why he wanted to see his uncle.

He told me his dad was on drugs since he was 8, went to jail, his uncle raised him, went to jail, grandfather took over, died, dad came back from jail, back on drugs, uncle just oded and his dad maybe getting charged with homocide and is really back into drugs again...he's 15 and I want to help the kid but I don't know how. Any other teachers on right now willing to lend me a hand or anyone in general want to give me pointers? Everything I'm thinking just rings hollow to me....oh he's 15

I have a few students in my classes who are in similar situations. I teach low performing students who live in a low socioeconomic area. I really don't know what advice to give you. Each situation is different. For some students, I would get guidance involved; in other situations, I wouldn't. You hate to betray a student's trust, but sometimes the right thing is to let the administration get involved and contact the social services department in your area.

loki · 02-24-2009, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andysutherland

I have a few students in my classes who are in similar situations. I teach low performing students who live in a low socioeconomic area. I really don't know what advice to give you. Each situation is different. For some students, I would get guidance involved; in other situations, I wouldn't. You hate to betray a student's trust, but sometimes the right thing is to let the administration get involved and contact the social services department in your area.

it seems like we teach the same kids

SeanGAR · 02-24-2009, 07:19 AM

I'm sure that your caring for his welfare and being there to speak with him is very positive for him. The fact that he came to you and asked permission to be late shows that he is much more responsible than one would expect, given his family history, which is a very good thing. You just hope he can stay out of the drama at home at least until he can move out and get out of their immediate influence.

mosesbotbol · 02-24-2009, 07:43 AM

My girlfriend is a teacher in one of MA's toughest high schools. I hear stories similar to yours everyday (whether I want to or not).

The best thing you can do is give your student an education. As much as they need someone to guide them and listen to them; they need an education first and foremost.

Hopefully you can install in your student that a good education will allow him to skip the vicious circle he will most likely end up in if he doesn't take his studies seriously.

renton20 · 02-24-2009, 08:00 AM

Well if there was ever a "high risk" kid this sound like it. Without taking too much responsibility for him is he living in a safe place right now? Especially if not than I think that it's necessary to involve the counselor whether he wants you too or not. I think that it might also be a good thing to inform him, and ask his consent if not his blessing beforehand. Despite the fact that he did come to you with this, which does say a lot about him, he is still 15 and does not have the decision making skills right now to make such important choices.

I work in a rehab center that deals with the youth population (14-24) and we see a lot of kids with similar situations. It can be a dangerous thing when kids grow up without any strong male role model. It sounds like the most you can do for him right now is to keep on teaching and trying to be that role model, and maybe give him a push towards getting the help that he needs.

Good for you by the way for getting involved. Whether he reacts in a positive way or not to whatever action that you deem appropriate in this situation, I think that in the long run he will appreciate anything that you do on his behalf.

Josh

Edit: please let us know how the situation turns out

RGD. · 02-24-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loki

thanks, I think I'll talk to them but sinec he came to me I'd rather have him just talk to me. If he felt he could trust the counsler ect I feel like he'd have gone to them...I just feel so bad for this kid

Because he came to you - he trusts you. Because he asked to be late - he respects you. He interacts with you and not the counselor would be the reason why he didn't go there first. He just doesn't have the family support that he can trust - he sees that in you.

I would go to the counselor with him for the first meeting, make the introductions, letting him know that you have an interest in helping him and plan on working closely with the counselor.

Ron

loki · 02-24-2009, 08:05 AM

i talked with the councler today and he said to sit him down and see what I can do for him. He lives with his grandmother whom I've spoken with but he also spends time with his mother and father which doesn't seem like a good idea to anyone but what kid is going to turn his back on their parents. I know a girl who were abused and molested by their father and even after getting out of there and to college would still go back and visit him...I don't know what to do...I feel like I need two hands a flashlight a map and a gps to even have an idea of what the right way is here.....

Raralith · 02-24-2009, 11:04 AM

Unless social services is going to get involved, all you can do is talk to the kid. You shouldn't feel bad, and we all understand that he has gone through a lot but the burden is not yours. The best thing you can do is your job and that's to give him an education, and if you wish to take the next step, you could be his mentor.

My sister in law has been teaching high school English for the last 20ish years, and she says that she did feel bad in the beginning for some students. But year after year, student after student, she realized that it is out of her control, and that carrying the burden that wasn't hers would drag her down. Her function is a teacher and she does a good job, but there's a reason why schools have counselers and states have social workers.

02-24-2009, 06:17 AM	#1
loki H.A.T.E Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Pittsburgh pa Posts: 1,484 Trading: (7)	need advice on handling a student... this kid has had a real hard life... I had a student come into my office just now, 5 hours before they have to be here and told me he was going to be late because his uncle was coming home for a visit from rehab for an hour today and he asked if that was ok. I said yes, he then gave me the back story on why he wanted to see his uncle. He told me his dad was on drugs since he was 8, went to jail, his uncle raised him, went to jail, grandfather took over, died, dad came back from jail, back on drugs, uncle just oded and his dad maybe getting charged with homocide and is really back into drugs again...he's 15 and I want to help the kid but I don't know how. Any other teachers on right now willing to lend me a hand or anyone in general want to give me pointers? Everything I'm thinking just rings hollow to me....oh he's 15 Last edited by loki; 02-24-2009 at 06:29 AM.

02-24-2009, 06:22 AM	#2
muziq Local Artard Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Here and there...no, there... Posts: 212 Trading: (4)	Re: need advice on handling a student... Ooof, that's a mine field. Get your campus' counselor involved pronto; I assume your school district also has a main/superintendent's office-level intervention officer, to whom I'd go if the campus counselor is not available. Those folks are professionals (most of the time) and should have initial strategies to employ. Short of knowing more specifics about your school district and its administration, I say get those folks involved immediately. __________________

02-24-2009, 06:42 AM	#4
loki H.A.T.E Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Pittsburgh pa Posts: 1,484 Trading: (7)	Re: need advice on handling a student... thanks, I think I'll talk to them but sinec he came to me I'd rather have him just talk to me. If he felt he could trust the counsler ect I feel like he'd have gone to them...I just feel so bad for this kid

02-24-2009, 07:19 AM	#8
SeanGAR Crotchety Geezer Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Radford VA Posts: 911 Trading: (3)	Re: need advice on handling a student... I'm sure that your caring for his welfare and being there to speak with him is very positive for him. The fact that he came to you and asked permission to be late shows that he is much more responsible than one would expect, given his family history, which is a very good thing. You just hope he can stay out of the drama at home at least until he can move out and get out of their immediate influence. __________________ How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

02-24-2009, 07:43 AM	#9
mosesbotbol That's a Corgi Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Moses Location: Boston Posts: 6,171 Trading: (6)	Re: need advice on handling a student... My girlfriend is a teacher in one of MA's toughest high schools. I hear stories similar to yours everyday (whether I want to or not). The best thing you can do is give your student an education. As much as they need someone to guide them and listen to them; they need an education first and foremost. Hopefully you can install in your student that a good education will allow him to skip the vicious circle he will most likely end up in if he doesn't take his studies seriously. __________________ Port Wine & Claret \| British Cars \| Welsh Corgi's

02-24-2009, 08:00 AM	#10
renton20 Still Watching My Back Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 212 Trading: (13)	Re: need advice on handling a student... Well if there was ever a "high risk" kid this sound like it. Without taking too much responsibility for him is he living in a safe place right now? Especially if not than I think that it's necessary to involve the counselor whether he wants you too or not. I think that it might also be a good thing to inform him, and ask his consent if not his blessing beforehand. Despite the fact that he did come to you with this, which does say a lot about him, he is still 15 and does not have the decision making skills right now to make such important choices. I work in a rehab center that deals with the youth population (14-24) and we see a lot of kids with similar situations. It can be a dangerous thing when kids grow up without any strong male role model. It sounds like the most you can do for him right now is to keep on teaching and trying to be that role model, and maybe give him a push towards getting the help that he needs. Good for you by the way for getting involved. Whether he reacts in a positive way or not to whatever action that you deem appropriate in this situation, I think that in the long run he will appreciate anything that you do on his behalf. Josh Edit: please let us know how the situation turns out

02-24-2009, 08:05 AM	#12
loki H.A.T.E Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Pittsburgh pa Posts: 1,484 Trading: (7)	Re: need advice on handling a student... i talked with the councler today and he said to sit him down and see what I can do for him. He lives with his grandmother whom I've spoken with but he also spends time with his mother and father which doesn't seem like a good idea to anyone but what kid is going to turn his back on their parents. I know a girl who were abused and molested by their father and even after getting out of there and to college would still go back and visit him...I don't know what to do...I feel like I need two hands a flashlight a map and a gps to even have an idea of what the right way is here.....

02-24-2009, 11:04 AM	#13
Raralith Death to the Unbelievers Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Southern California Posts: 475 Trading: (24)	Re: need advice on handling a student... Unless social services is going to get involved, all you can do is talk to the kid. You shouldn't feel bad, and we all understand that he has gone through a lot but the burden is not yours. The best thing you can do is your job and that's to give him an education, and if you wish to take the next step, you could be his mentor. My sister in law has been teaching high school English for the last 20ish years, and she says that she did feel bad in the beginning for some students. But year after year, student after student, she realized that it is out of her control, and that carrying the burden that wasn't hers would drag her down. Her function is a teacher and she does a good job, but there's a reason why schools have counselers and states have social workers.