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#1 | |
Splitter of Hairs
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"They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#2 | |
Just a Traveling Man
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"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
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Live fast, hard, everyday like its your last. |
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#3 |
Splitter of Hairs
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Office Space
"There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?"
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#4 | |
Life is for living
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"We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning I'm making waffles!"
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A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone |
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#5 | |
Splitter of Hairs
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"I lost a tooth! I married a whore!"
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#6 |
Down the stretch
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#7 | |
Will herf for food
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![]() Quote:
Q: How do you write women so well? A: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
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“Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain |
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