Car troubles...any mechanics in the house?

When non-car people describe car troubles to car people, confusion always ensues.

I did a full engine swap on a 99 Subie Impreza OBS. so I think I know a little about cars, but definitely wouldn't consider myself an expert.

The key to diagnosing this problem is understanding, from beginning to end, what's happening when you start a car. It looks like the sticking point here is determining if the engine is actually turning over (i.e. is the starter turning the crank and making the pistons move). The dealership you spoke to seems to be assuming that your starter is lacking enough power to make this happen (the alternator reference is a little wacky if you told them it had been sitting for nearly a week, I would assume a nearly dead battery that powers everything except the starter, which needs a lot of power. The alternator charges the battery, and could be the cause of it not being charged, but I would point to some sort of battery drain while it was sitting). The simplest fix in this situation is to hook up the jumpers and give the car enough juice to properly turn over. If it still doesn't, it's likely the starter.

If the engine is turning over, then the problem is not in the alternator or starter. It could be ANY number of things (vapor lock, fuel issues, solenoid, banana in your tailpipe).

Feel free to contact me and I'll do my best to give you a few tests to do in plain english...