Why so hateful lately?

[The Poet]

Carlos my brother, I would take this personally, if I could take a hint.

In all seriousness, I feel the line between busting somebody's chops and busting their 'nads may indeed be crossed on occasion, here and in "real" life. But I myself tend to take everything said on the 'net with the whole cellar of salt. If something cheeses me off, I try to simply take a breath and let it go.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[poker]

Great post Carlos.


Rule #3 here at Cigar Asylum starts off saying:

Have fun here and practice respect and tolerance with others. Respect is the key word.

Often times many of the really offending posts are removed rather quickly by one of the admins before the masses even see them (it helps with 11 of us). We dont get them all, but we try.

We try to treat everyone like the adults they are and many times turn a "blind eye" of sorts to somewhat borderline posts. Of course, "borderline posts" is the way we see them but they may be actually offensive to some while meaning nothing to another. We cant make everyone happy, so we leave it up to the individual to decide if they want to keep reading the post/thread or not.

In a perfect world we would all get along. Unfortunately its not a perfect world, and Cigar Asylum is part of that imperfect world we all live in. Individuals will argue, not like another member for what ever reasons, etc. here, just like in real life.

All I can suggest is to "be the better man". Easier said than done I know, and sometimes being the better man doesn't always mean being right.
I'm sure you'll feel better about yourself in the end though and have a more enjoyable time here in this place we call home.

[croatan]

Well stated, Kelly (as always).

There are some topics that just seem to, by their nature, invite people to forget the old adage about opinions and assholes. By not allowing politically-related content, that cuts out a lot of these opportunities, but some people will still find ways to pound us with whatever point they think is so crucial for us to know and agree on.

Sometimes, those types of posts remind me of the blathering vitriol you'll find reading the comments section of any recent news story or blog--often nearly incoherent internet badasses who feel the need to belittle everyone who disagrees with them, regardless of the amount of reflection and analysis (or lack thereof) they've put into whatever opinion they hold so staunchly. It's disappointing that that kind of thing happens here occasionally (and I do think it is merely occasionally--I think that posts here are overwhelmingly positive).

But the good thing is that, if patterns hold true (and they usually do), the people who make those kinds of posts usually realize that's not how things are done here and either conform to the standards and norms of the community or find themselves somewhere else to hang out and spout off.

[JE3146]

As was told to me long ago by a very wise woman (mom). It's not the action that will get you in trouble, but the reaction.

Now this applies to an extent, because obviously ALL people need to be held accountable for their actions, but also their reactions.

The internet will be the internet. This thread sparks some paranoia in my own mind because of certain events that transpired. And by no means am I pretending to be innocent, but I'm also not alone in my guilt. That wise woman above also said "It takes two to tango."

There will always be quarrels, differing of opinions, spiteful remarks and things said that become personal whether intentional or unintentional. The fine line in all this is intent. It's also the hardest to decipher from internet conversation. Things can scale to a point where the argument is no longer about the topic, but more of pride, or job, or family.

In the end it's all useless banter. And in the end what matters is how you come away from it. Whether by offering amends, or simply walking away all together. In a community that many refer to as family, the latter imo is rather ridiculous.

And to the person who reads this... and he knows who he is. Offer is still on the table.

My .02 from the unwise age of 24.

[AD720]

I try to base all my interactions here on one fact and that it is that I never know who I am going to meet in person next. I've herfed with a bunch of you guys and I wouldn't say anything on here I wouldn't be comfortable saying to someone's face or that would make me uncomfortable about if I happen to meet someone in person after.

Like these guys above said, respect is what it's all about. Carlos thanks for the reminder.

[bvilchez]

I never intended to disrespect anyone. It was a term that was used just to refer to the new fad...that's all. Yes I could've used another term at the time but that's the one that I used. I apologized before for using it. It wasn't directed at any one person or group. Next time I'll just chose my words more carefully.

I respect each and everyone here. Even if I have herfed with you or not, you are all grown men (and women) who should be respected the same way I would expect to be respected (not saying I have been disrespected).

Hopefully this ends soon because I really feel like crap now.

[shilala]

Originally Posted by bvilchez

I never intended to disrespect anyone. It was a term that was used just to refer to the new fad...that's all. Yes I could've used another term at the time but that's the one that I used. I apologized before for using it. It wasn't directed at any one person or group. Next time I'll just chose my words more carefully.

I respect each and everyone here. Even if I have herfed with you or not, you are all grown men (and women) who should be respected the same way I would expect to be respected (not saying I have been disrespected).

Hopefully this ends soon because I really feel like crap now.

Don't sweat it, brother. There's gotta be intent for malice. It sure isn't something you've shown.
I'm sure I'm not the only one that loves ya. Rub dirt in it and take a lap.

[Ashcan Bill]

I gotta say, this thread really mystifies me.

I cruise a number of forums on various topics, and the Asylum is one of the most mature, friendly and respectful sites I've had the pleasure of participating on.

Once in a while we probably all say something dumb, or shoot our mouth off and wish we could have a retake. But I can't say I've ever seen any hate here. Maybe I'm just lucky as far as the threads I open up.

Originally Posted by Ashcan Bill

I gotta say, this thread really mystifies me.

I cruise a number of forums on various topics, and the Asylum is one of the most mature, friendly and respectful sites I've had the pleasure of participating on.

Once in a while we probably all say something dumb, or shoot our mouth off and wish we could have a retake. But I can't say I've ever seen any hate here. Maybe I'm just lucky as far as the threads I open up.

What he said.

[Neuromancer]

Originally Posted by Blueface

Is it just me that has noticed this?

While the team of eleven does an awesome job on this site, the majority of which are personal friends of mine, it seems there are folks hell bent on making it tough.

This is a community and I personally view it as family. I have made so many friends throughout the country that I have herfed with thanks to this site. Family should take care of family. Totally sucks when life imitates art and you come here for a retreat and find yourself with similar family bickering we all have in our lives at home.

I recognize this is a forum that often times calls for views and opinions. However, very many times, it frankly doesn't and ones opinion is as welcome as a hole in the head. The trick is knowing when that arises. Am I good at it? I don't think any of us are perfect but we should all keep it in the back of our minds. The trick is to also refrain from offensive adjectives such as "morons", "idiots", "gay", etc.

I can't help but notice so many instances as of late where one person discusses something they like and immediately, without welcome, someone has to make a comment of how crappy it is, how stupid it is, how you are a moron, how you must be a blind follower of a cult and on and on. Tastes vary. Budgets vary. What makes me release serotonin differs from you. If I like a BMW and you like a Yugo, why should I knock your Yugo as a piece of crap, even if it is as has been proven? What you consider fun, someone else might consider boring. I think in those instances, one should take measure to what one says and if you don't like it, don't look at it, or simply state you don't like it. Why name calling? Why bickering? I have enough of that at home and it sucks to come here and find it also.

So.......my message is simple. As I grow older (now 51) than many of the folks on this board and simultaneously wiser, I ask we all make the lives of all on this board a tad easier by thinking twice about comments/opinions that may be offensive. It is not about PC at all. It is about being courteous to someone that will likely make a great person to share a cigar with but instead, you pissed off with poorly selected and poorly thought out verbiage.

HEY!!! I like my Yugo even if you think it's a piece of crap...and you can stick your BMW...as far as your post, it was pretty moronic...

Hi, Carlos...

PS - j/k...don't really have a Yugo...

[looking for know]

[taltos]

Great post Carlos, I noticed the changes quite a while ago and should have posted about it instead of walking away.

[weak_link]

fwiw I'm a mod on a motorcycle forum w/ 35,000 members and they've been a$$holes to each other lately. Must be something in the air.

[Mugen910]

Originally Posted by weak_link

fwiw I'm a mod on a motorcycle forum w/ 35,000 members and they've been a$$holes to each other lately. Must be something in the air.

[weak_link]

Originally Posted by Mugen910

You got a purty mouf, boy.

I would call hateful people morons or idiots but that would be dumb.

[HK3-]

Originally Posted by BC-Axeman

I would call hateful people morons or idiots but that would be dumb.

[hotreds]

Happily, I have not noticed the hatefulness here, but perhaps it is specific threads that attract the haters!

[SmokeyJoe]

Nothin' but love here, bro!

Appreciate the reminder for all of us, Carlos. What makes this place special is what makes it different...

Cigar Asylum stands apart as a forum that is built on the principles of mutual respect, shared knowledge, generosity, and community.
-From the Cigar Asylum invitation.-

Blessings!

[G G]

To be quite honest I have to be careful all the time about what I post, so as not to offend a brother. I mean I know that politically, and religion wise there are a lot of different views here. I know that my brothers hold their views just as strongly as I hold mine, so it aint gonna change nothing if I offend someone. I think we should all try to remember that if it comes to mind, you don't always have to say it. It's hard not to sometimes but I have to really think sometimes before I hit the post button. I love all of you and don't want to offend someone just for that sake of getting a point across.