EMAILS FROM AN A$$HOLE (I didn't say Ma$$hole)

Hi, my name is Mike Partlow. I am interested in the position of Pool Manager for your hotel. Here is why I feel I am qualified for the position:

- I am an ex Navy SEAL. Water is my blood.
- I have saved countless lives on 3 different continents. I once saved an entire submarine crew from drowning in the artic.
- I am highly trained in underwater combat. I am prepared to handle any situation that may danger this pool.

I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. I will oversee a lifeguard "hellweek" style training program that I will make sure all the lifeguards under my command complete prior to serving for the hotel. Saftey of all pool guests is my top priority. I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool.

Hahahaha.