Dr Pun

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by billybarue

Mahatma Gandhi's strict vegetarian diet left his bonestructure weakened from lack of calcium and protein. The diet also contained a good bit of fragrant curries and strong vegetables like garlic and onions, which made his breath less than fragrant. He also often shunned his sandles and walked barefoot resulting in soreness and a good deal of extra punishment to his feet.

and in the end you get:

A "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis"

Bdoomp boomp!

[JaKaacH]

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

[waffle]

I believe this is a mandatory rimshot room....

[markem]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[markem]

Two lions are walking through the jungle when they come upon two men sitting under a tree.

One is terribly obese and is writing frantically on a notepad. He finishes a page, rips it out of the pad and hands it to the other guy. This guy is thin as a rail, maybe 90 lbs. dripping wet. He reads the page with equal energy and places the page in a pile.

Well, one of the lions eats the skinny guy which causes the other lion to ask;"Leo, you could of had a week's worth of meal, and you eat the guy who will barely take the edge off your appetite. Why?!?!?"

The first lion replies; "Well Linus, don't you know? Writers cramp and reader digest!"

[waffle]

Originally Posted by markem

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Is it bad that I chuckle at each one and then have to roll my eyes?

[markem]

Two boys grew up interested in the priesthood: Jimmy James and Johnny Secola.
While both dedicatedly studied the Bible, Johnny Secola was always a little more knowledgable than Jimmy James. Both boys grew up and followed similar paths. They both became priests, then monsignors, then bishops, and eventually cardinals. Johnny Secola is still the brighter star of the two.
One night, the Pope dies in his sleep. The college of cardinals must decide who among them is going to be the new pope. Johnny Secola and Jimmy James are now competing to be the head of the church. Johnny thinks that this should be a "shoe in" for him as he has beaten Jimmy at everything before.
The cardinals hold the election and who wins? Jimmy James.
Johnny is flabbergasted. He turns to the head cardinal in charge of the election and asked him what happened.
The cardinal shook his head wearily and said, "Johnny, I'm sorry. But we really couldn't have the leader of the church have a name like... Pope Secola."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Ogre]

Originally Posted by waffle

I believe this is a mandatory rimshot room....

[GKitty]

Originally Posted by icehog3

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Originally Posted by billybarue

A "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis"

my two faves, but all hilarious!!

Well done, fellas.

[JaKaacH]

Roy Rogers comes in from a hard day's work on the ranch.
His boots are all muddy, he's too tuckered out to clean them, and he doesn't want to incur Dale's wrath, so he leaves them on the porch.

The next morning he goes out to clean them and finds them ripped to shreds.

"Dang, Gabby. Those were almost brand new Luchesse ostrich and iguana boots. Wonder what happened to them?"

"Wel, Roy, there's been a ol' mountain lion a-spookin' the horses the last coupla nights. Coulda been him."

Roy saddles Trigger, puts his trusty Winchester in the scabbard, and rides off.

Several hours later he comes riding back in.
There is a large dead mountain lion slung over his saddle horn.
And Gabby sez,
.
.
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

A man heard about a pun contest and submitted ten puns with the intent to win.
Unfortunately...
No pun in ten did.

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by JaKaacH

.
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?"

Another one that only us old guys will likely get!

[kydsid]

Originally Posted by icehog3

Another one that only us old guys will likely get!

I'll admit I got the first one just fine and I know very well who Roy Rogers and Dale are, especially since I grew up in Tucson.

But I'll be dagnabbed if I understand this one.

[Commander Quan]

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard.

Being a very spiritual person, he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result, he was quite thin and frail.

Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.

Hence he came to be known as a....

"Super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

[markem]

Originally Posted by icehog3

Another one that only us old guys will likely get!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LQgeNTazp8

5: 25 mark

Originally Posted by markem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LQgeNTazp8

5: 25 mark

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by billybarue

Mahatma Gandhi's strict vegetarian diet left his bonestructure weakened from lack of calcium and protein. The diet also contained a good bit of fragrant curries and strong vegetables like garlic and onions, which made his breath less than fragrant. He also often shunned his sandles and walked barefoot resulting in soreness and a good deal of extra punishment to his feet.

and in the end you get:

A "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis"

Bdoomp boomp!

Originally Posted by Commander Quan

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard.

Being a very spiritual person, he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result, he was quite thin and frail.

Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.

Hence he came to be known as a....

"Super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

Day late and a dollar short, Derrick.

[Ogre]

I dont know what worse, the joke or the fact that 2 different guys told it!!!

[JaKaacH]

Dodge City was a pretty rough town, nevertheless, they had an excellent little theatre group. One time they planned to perform the Swan Lake Ballet.

On the day of dress rehearsal, it was discovered that moths had gotten into the tutus. Everything was ruined. The producer placed a call down to the Acme Costume Company in Wichita and learned they had plenty of tutus. The proprietor promised to ship the much needed garments over on a special train. They should arrive in plenty of time for the opening.

Back at Dodge, everyone was in a big hurry and someone needed to go down to the depot and fetch the tutus. Butch, the biggest, toughest guy in town offered to see to it, so he went to the station and sat down. When the station master saw Butch, he went over and asked if he might be of help. Butch replied, "Thanks, I'm just waiting for the tutu train."