Things parents text

irratebass · 08-29-2011, 02:56 PM

Mom: (Mass text) Did anyone see my broom.
Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere

Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone
Dad: How do I delete people?

Me: Did mom have a c-section with me?
Dad: Yep that's right you weren't born, you were surgically removed...like a tumor.

Dad: Your grandpa took a dump in a customers front yard.
Me: HE DID WHAT?!
Dad: He was walking to the van and he tripped on some cement.
Me: ...and sh!t himself?
Dad: What? no what's wrong with you?

Me: Dad, prepare to disown me.
Dad: DID YOU BUY A JUSTIN BEIBER CD?!

Me: Hey dad can you tell me when you get this?
dad: Nope, too busy pretending that my snuggie is a Hogwarts robe.

Dad: I'm disappointed in you
Me: What did I do?
Dad: I saw those pictures on Facebook. I thought I raised you better than to drink Bud Light.

Me: Dad can you leave me some money to go to the movies?
Dad: My sweet little parasite. That's why this planet has things called jobs.

Dad: I HAVE BIG TEXT NOW
Me: Cool
Dad: I EAT YOUR TINY TEXTS!

Mom: He was one of those people who wear black tight jeans, with that weird hair that covers one eye. You know...nemo.

Me: Got an A in Chem!
Mom: WTF, well done
Me: What do you think WTF means
Mom: Wow That's Fantastic

Me: Ok thanks Dad! <3
Dad: What is that? a butt with a cone?

Mom: You left your phone on the counter!

Mom: If you see your dad with the label-maker, take it from him! I keep finding stickers all around the house that say "Doug is cool."

Mom: I saw a hobo on the side of the road with a sign that said "hungry hungry hobo" I couldn't stop laughing.

Dad: Go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Love dad
Me: I wish i had a comeback for that.
Dad: Well all I know is that you had better comeback with a Goddam sandwhich.

Me: But all of my friends at going! What will I tell them?
Dad: Well tell them that your parents are b!itches

Me: Can I sleep over at Kates?
Mom: nocomehomenowandwhereisthespacebutton

Me: Make me a sandwich
Dad: Poof! you're a sandwich

kelmac07 · 08-29-2011, 03:05 PM

pektel · 08-29-2011, 03:08 PM

"Mom: You left your phone on the counter!"

Took me a second. Hilarious.

ninjavanish · 08-29-2011, 03:09 PM

Yeah, these were pretty good.

Probably a thread here somewhere already... but you will literally hurt yourself laughing.

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

08-29-2011, 03:10 PM

thats damn funny, thanks for sharing.

pektel · 08-29-2011, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjavanish

Yeah, these were pretty good.

Probably a thread here somewhere already... but you will literally hurt yourself laughing.

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

I also like failbook.com

DMK · 08-29-2011, 03:14 PM

Thanks... now I gotta clean the screen....

Drez · 08-29-2011, 04:29 PM

jsnake · 08-29-2011, 04:37 PM

Just laughed my a$$ off reading these to my wife.

08-29-2011, 05:12 PM

Poor Grandpa!

Mikess · 08-29-2011, 05:36 PM

brought a tear to my eye

Skywalker · 08-29-2011, 05:44 PM

WTF!!!

08-29-2011, 05:56 PM

irratebass · 08-29-2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjavanish

Yeah, these were pretty good.

Probably a thread here somewhere already... but you will literally hurt yourself laughing.

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

The 1st time I read this I DID hurt myself from laughing.

GolfNut · 08-29-2011, 07:10 PM

"Mom: You left your phone on the counter!"

My favorite!

Ogre · 08-29-2011, 07:16 PM

WTF!!!

G G · 08-29-2011, 07:27 PM

Aporschaguy · 08-29-2011, 08:24 PM

That's great. Cudos

SvilleKid · 08-29-2011, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjavanish

Yeah, these were pretty good.

Probably a thread here somewhere already... but you will literally hurt yourself laughing.

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

OMG! I woke your mother up laughing at some of these!

yourchoice · 08-30-2011, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by irratebass

Dad: I'm disappointed in you
Me: What did I do?
Dad: I saw those pictures on Facebook. I thought I raised you better than to drink Bud Light.

Me: Got an A in Chem!
Mom: WTF, well done
Me: What do you think WTF means
Mom: Wow That's Fantastic

A lot of funny ones, but these two were my favorite!

08-29-2011, 02:56 PM	#1
irratebass EMPEROR TOMPKINS Join Date: Aug 2011 First Name: Mickey Location: Mooresville, Indiana Posts: 8,313 Trading: (48)	Things parents text Mom: (Mass text) Did anyone see my broom. Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere Me: What time are you picking me up? Dad: Who is this? Me: Your son Dad: How did you get this number? Me: I programmed your phone Dad: How do I delete people? Me: Did mom have a c-section with me? Dad: Yep that's right you weren't born, you were surgically removed...like a tumor. Dad: Your grandpa took a dump in a customers front yard. Me: HE DID WHAT?! Dad: He was walking to the van and he tripped on some cement. Me: ...and sh!t himself? Dad: What? no what's wrong with you? Me: Dad, prepare to disown me. Dad: DID YOU BUY A JUSTIN BEIBER CD?! Me: Hey dad can you tell me when you get this? dad: Nope, too busy pretending that my snuggie is a Hogwarts robe. Dad: I'm disappointed in you Me: What did I do? Dad: I saw those pictures on Facebook. I thought I raised you better than to drink Bud Light. Me: Dad can you leave me some money to go to the movies? Dad: My sweet little parasite. That's why this planet has things called jobs. Dad: I HAVE BIG TEXT NOW Me: Cool Dad: I EAT YOUR TINY TEXTS! Mom: He was one of those people who wear black tight jeans, with that weird hair that covers one eye. You know...nemo. Me: Got an A in Chem! Mom: WTF, well done Me: What do you think WTF means Mom: Wow That's Fantastic Me: Ok thanks Dad! <3 Dad: What is that? a butt with a cone? Mom: You left your phone on the counter! Mom: If you see your dad with the label-maker, take it from him! I keep finding stickers all around the house that say "Doug is cool." Mom: I saw a hobo on the side of the road with a sign that said "hungry hungry hobo" I couldn't stop laughing. Dad: Go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Love dad Me: I wish i had a comeback for that. Dad: Well all I know is that you had better comeback with a Goddam sandwhich. Me: But all of my friends at going! What will I tell them? Dad: Well tell them that your parents are b!itches Me: Can I sleep over at Kates? Mom: nocomehomenowandwhereisthespacebutton Me: Make me a sandwich Dad: Poof! you're a sandwich __________________

08-29-2011, 03:05 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Things parents text __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

08-29-2011, 03:08 PM	#3
pektel I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Peter Location: Grand Rapids, MN Posts: 4,320 Trading: (28)	Re: Things parents text "Mom: You left your phone on the counter!" Took me a second. Hilarious. __________________ The problem is not the problem. The problem is your ATTITUDE about the problem.

08-29-2011, 03:09 PM	#4
ninjavanish Feeling at Home Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Trust me, your humi isn't big enough. Posts: 507 Trading: (16)	Re: Things parents text Yeah, these were pretty good. Probably a thread here somewhere already... but you will literally hurt yourself laughing. www.damnyouautocorrect.com

08-29-2011, 03:10 PM	#5
kickerb Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Things parents text thats damn funny, thanks for sharing.

08-29-2011, 03:14 PM	#7
DMK S.O.B. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Darryl Location: Hamilton, ON. Canada. Posts: 2,743 Trading: (86)	Re: Things parents text Thanks... now I gotta clean the screen.... __________________ Darryl, SOB...

08-29-2011, 04:29 PM	#8
Drez The Warden Join Date: Jan 2010 First Name: Frank Location: Miami, FL Posts: 3,768 Trading: (35)	Re: Things parents text __________________ They aren't going to multiply....burn that b!tch!

08-29-2011, 04:37 PM	#9
jsnake Have My Own Room Join Date: Feb 2010 First Name: Jake Location: Your mom's house Posts: 1,309 Trading: (22)	Re: Things parents text Just laughed my a$$ off reading these to my wife.

08-29-2011, 05:12 PM	#10
Hippiebrian Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Things parents text Poor Grandpa!

08-29-2011, 05:36 PM	#11
Mikess Still Watching My Back Join Date: May 2011 Location: KAIA, KAF Afghan Posts: 113 Trading: (1)	Re: Things parents text brought a tear to my eye

08-29-2011, 05:44 PM	#12
Skywalker BABOTL Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Dice Location: Galaxy Far Far Away Posts: 10,168 Trading: (18)	Re: Things parents text WTF!!! __________________ Smoke what you like!!!

08-29-2011, 05:56 PM	#13
BC-Axeman Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Things parents text

08-29-2011, 07:10 PM	#15
GolfNut Back in the woodshop! Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Forrest Location: Living room Posts: 1,361 Trading: (38)	Re: Things parents text "Mom: You left your phone on the counter!" My favorite! __________________ www.wineadors.com

08-29-2011, 07:16 PM	#16
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: Things parents text WTF!!! __________________

08-29-2011, 07:27 PM	#17
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,701 Trading: (10)	Re: Things parents text

08-29-2011, 08:24 PM	#18
Aporschaguy Two sheets to the wind! Join Date: Jul 2011 First Name: Adam Location: Great white north Posts: 218 Trading: (0)	Re: Things parents text That's great. Cudos __________________ "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."