Stupid knows no bounds. - Page 3

02-07-2011, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

This is a good story that pretty much typifies the depth of and width and breadth of my retardation, so bear with me.

Meh, no worries Scott. I work with some guys that make you look like Einstein.

(The following actually occurred on an Airborne Operation)

Soldier: "This is my first jump in the unit...which way do we go?"

Sergeant: "(pointing at the open tailgate) You go OUT THAT BIG F*CKING HOLE!"

Soldier: "I meant once we get out of the aircraft Sergeant"

Sergeant: "YOU GO DOWN JACKA$$"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, while teaching a civilian SCUBA class, we had a blonde that kept flipping out underwater during training...so we're curious as to why she's going psycho underwater...

She comes up to the surface, sputtering and coughing, and says:

""Every time I breathe I get air in my mouth"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scott, you have a LONG way to go to surpass the mental retardation of some of the "geniuses" I have worked with!

Hey, you want me to send you the recipe for my wife's Banana Bread? The stuff is awesome!

Neens · 02-07-2011, 02:48 PM

Sorry for your pain brother but its just too funny.

Skywalker · 02-07-2011, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

After showing Michael's list of stuff with Potassium in it, turns out I had a couple oranges, two piles of banana goo, a bunch of stuffed mushrooms, and I slopped a ton of sketti sauce on my hot sausage sammich. Iate mostly crab stuffed mushrooms, but I ate some spinach ones, too.
Quite frankly, I'm fortunate I'm not up at the hospital getting shots in my ass. That's what they used to do to me about once a month before we got this crap under control.

I fix this by eating a bunch of cereal and I drink a gallon or two of water. It flushes my system. Tomorrow I'll be a champ.

Just don't put bananas on your cereal! Especially real bananas!

shilala · 02-07-2011, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

Hey, you want me to send you the recipe for my wife's Banana Bread? The stuff is awesome!

I freakin LOVE banana bread.

Apoco · 02-07-2011, 03:44 PM

A bushel of bananas is in the mail as a "get better" gift

Posted via Mobile Device

jesseboston81 · 02-07-2011, 03:57 PM

Oh no Scott! I hope you feel better soon!

Are you sure the presence of bananas in dessert doesn't make your brain contract!

Just joking with you! Good thoughts sent your way!

BlackDog · 02-07-2011, 08:27 PM

"Damn, man, you're about as sharp as a rubber band."

Sorry brother, I hope you're feeling better soon.

taltos · 02-08-2011, 05:02 AM

Smoke 2 Banana Phillies and call me in the morning.

shilala · 02-08-2011, 06:38 AM

I'm back to about 90% today. I should be able to take over the world today with no issues whatsoever.

replicant_argent · 02-08-2011, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

I'm back to about 90% today. I should be able to take over the world today with no issues whatsoever.

NARF!!!

GodOfFire · 02-08-2011, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

Meh, no worries Scott. I work with some guys that make you look like Einstein.

(The following actually occurred on an Airborne Operation)

Soldier: "This is my first jump in the unit...which way do we go?"

Sergeant: "(pointing at the open tailgate) You go OUT THAT BIG F*CKING HOLE!"

Soldier: "I meant once we get out of the aircraft Sergeant"

Sergeant: "YOU GO DOWN JACKA$$"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, while teaching a civilian SCUBA class, we had a blonde that kept flipping out underwater during training...so we're curious as to why she's going psycho underwater...

She comes up to the surface, sputtering and coughing, and says:

""Every time I breathe I get air in my mouth"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scott, you have a LONG way to go to surpass the mental retardation of some of the "geniuses" I have worked with!

Hey, you want me to send you the recipe for my wife's Banana Bread? The stuff is awesome!

This is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. Almost as bad as a buddy of mine, his dad told me this story and counted it as true.

He and another soldier was flying in a KC-10 he was a boom operator and if I remember correctly the soldier was in training. On approaching the airfield, at 8000 feet or more in the air you know sizes on the ground can be distorted.... maybe.....?

after flying over the run way and circling for final approach

Soldier: Which way do we land?

Friend's Dad: (looking dumbfounded) What do you mean?

Soldier: Do we land on the width of the runway or the length of it?

Friend's Dad: (stone cold poker face) The length.

shilala · 02-08-2011, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by replicant_argent

NARF!!!

Way better than SpongeBob, IMHO. I'd watch Pinky and the Brain every day if I could.

WildBlueSooner · 02-11-2011, 10:11 AM

So the point of the story is you are stuipd, right Scott?

Tell us something we didnt know!

Just kidding

But seriously

shilala · 02-11-2011, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildBlueSooner

So the point of the story is you are stuipd, right Scott?

Tell us something we didnt know!

Just kidding.
But seriously

Apparently, I have my moments.

TBone · 02-11-2011, 09:00 PM

so your not the sharpest knife in the draw...I did even worse than this.

I had a total hip replacement at the 27 Oct. When I got home dosed out of my mind I put my daily pill box together. Not realizing my Prilosec and my Lyrica is a half shade different from each other and that I was out of the Prilosec I went ahead dosed myself from 75 mg to 625 mg. You say no big deal well Prilosec is for my ulsers and the Lyrica is for my Fibro Myalgia. Lyrica works on the central nervous system. On 2 Nov I lost motor control and speech. I had my wife take me to a Level 1 Trauma center around the corner from my house...remember I just had major surgery...I get to the hospital and they can't figure out whats going on because after 9 attempts of drawing blood and 5 attempts of an IV the hospital decided I was having a nervous break down and gave me not one but two shots of Dilauded (a synthetic Morphene) It put me down for about two hours and when I came to, I was in more distress then before. I had my wife get me into a Hyundai Elantra (of which I can't bend down to get in) and drive me to the Military faciility that did my surgery. Upon arrival my wife handed them my pill box and within minutes determined I was in a low dose OD with the Lyrica and with the Dilauded that the Level 1 trauma gave me put me into a full blown OD. It took them 17 sticks to find a vein and on the 18th they went into my Carotid artery on the right side because they had blown the right. I heard from the Doc if she couldn't get the right they were running a line through the armpit. I was in the hospital about 15 hrs and had to have the hip realigned as it dislocated getting into the car. But as you can see the bets made of me not making it were a loss and I was politely told by the Medical staff who know me well....your an idiot for trying to put your pills together toasted...So I understand your issue well Scott..glad to hear your doing better...Good to know I'm not in a club by myself...

Sailchaser · 02-11-2011, 09:41 PM

Scott, I just shared your story with Kat and she can't understand why I see no problem with your logical thinking for I to am alergic to the yellow fruit and still continue to use the diversion tatic with Kat and can not figure out why it does not work either

macpappy · 02-14-2011, 08:09 AM

Shilala: I have a disorder that means I can't eat anything with potassium because of the pills I have to take. Give me some more of that banana dessert will you.

In the words of the great Jeff Foxworthy...

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

emopunker2004 · 02-14-2011, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macpappy

Shilala: I have a disorder that means I can't eat anything with potassium because of the pills I have to take. Give me some more of that banana dessert will you.

In the words of the great Jeff Foxworthy...

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

ummmmm thats not Jeff Forxworth...its Bill Engvall

shilala · 02-14-2011, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunker2004

ummmmm thats not Jeff Forxworth...its Bill Engvall

I thought it was Jeff Foxworthy, too.

02-07-2011, 02:48 PM	#42
Neens Adjusting to the Life Join Date: Dec 2010 First Name: Anthony Location: Orange, CT Posts: 349 Trading: (21)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. Sorry for your pain brother but its just too funny.

02-07-2011, 03:44 PM	#45
Apoco Nerd with social skills Join Date: May 2010 First Name: Alex Location: Chattanooga, TN Posts: 1,286 Trading: (37)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. A bushel of bananas is in the mail as a "get better" gift Posted via Mobile Device

02-07-2011, 03:57 PM	#46
jesseboston81 CC Simple PIF Promoter Join Date: Dec 2010 First Name: Jesse Location: Londonderry, NH Posts: 2,231 Trading: (41)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. Oh no Scott! I hope you feel better soon! Are you sure the presence of bananas in dessert doesn't make your brain contract! Just joking with you! Good thoughts sent your way! __________________ Come play in the CC Simple PIF!

02-07-2011, 08:27 PM	#47
BlackDog Gonna make you groove... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Warren Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,468 Trading: (19)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. "Damn, man, you're about as sharp as a rubber band." Sorry brother, I hope you're feeling better soon. __________________ "We live in the good of this."

02-08-2011, 05:02 AM	#48
taltos Really, really old Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Paul Location: Saugus, MA Posts: 2,486 Trading: (3)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. Smoke 2 Banana Phillies and call me in the morning. __________________ Jimmy, some of its magic, some of its tragic, but I had a good life all the way. He Went to Paris, J. Buffett

02-08-2011, 06:38 AM	#49
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. I'm back to about 90% today. I should be able to take over the world today with no issues whatsoever. __________________

02-11-2011, 10:11 AM	#53
WildBlueSooner I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Feb 2009 First Name: James Location: Lexington, KY Posts: 3,322 Trading: (19)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. So the point of the story is you are stuipd, right Scott? Tell us something we didnt know! Just kidding But seriously __________________ "To dilute the will to win is to destroy the purpose of the game. There is no substitute for victory"-- Douglas MacArthur

02-11-2011, 09:00 PM	#55
TBone Equal opportunity Bomber Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Paul Location: Virginia Posts: 2,508 Trading: (25)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. so your not the sharpest knife in the draw...I did even worse than this. I had a total hip replacement at the 27 Oct. When I got home dosed out of my mind I put my daily pill box together. Not realizing my Prilosec and my Lyrica is a half shade different from each other and that I was out of the Prilosec I went ahead dosed myself from 75 mg to 625 mg. You say no big deal well Prilosec is for my ulsers and the Lyrica is for my Fibro Myalgia. Lyrica works on the central nervous system. On 2 Nov I lost motor control and speech. I had my wife take me to a Level 1 Trauma center around the corner from my house...remember I just had major surgery...I get to the hospital and they can't figure out whats going on because after 9 attempts of drawing blood and 5 attempts of an IV the hospital decided I was having a nervous break down and gave me not one but two shots of Dilauded (a synthetic Morphene) It put me down for about two hours and when I came to, I was in more distress then before. I had my wife get me into a Hyundai Elantra (of which I can't bend down to get in) and drive me to the Military faciility that did my surgery. Upon arrival my wife handed them my pill box and within minutes determined I was in a low dose OD with the Lyrica and with the Dilauded that the Level 1 trauma gave me put me into a full blown OD. It took them 17 sticks to find a vein and on the 18th they went into my Carotid artery on the right side because they had blown the right. I heard from the Doc if she couldn't get the right they were running a line through the armpit. I was in the hospital about 15 hrs and had to have the hip realigned as it dislocated getting into the car. But as you can see the bets made of me not making it were a loss and I was politely told by the Medical staff who know me well....your an idiot for trying to put your pills together toasted...So I understand your issue well Scott..glad to hear your doing better...Good to know I'm not in a club by myself...

02-11-2011, 09:41 PM	#56
Sailchaser Black Ops-SOB Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Chris Location: SCS,MI(Somewere Cigar Smoking) Posts: 1,733 Trading: (7)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. Scott, I just shared your story with Kat and she can't understand why I see no problem with your logical thinking for I to am alergic to the yellow fruit and still continue to use the diversion tatic with Kat and can not figure out why it does not work either __________________ "Sail Fast, Shoot Straight, Fish Hard and Save Time For The Important Things In Life"

02-14-2011, 08:09 AM	#57
macpappy Rider on the storm. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Slidell, LA Posts: 851 Trading: (0)	Re: Stupid knows no bounds. Shilala: I have a disorder that means I can't eat anything with potassium because of the pills I have to take. Give me some more of that banana dessert will you. In the words of the great Jeff Foxworthy... HERE'S YOUR SIGN! __________________ WARNING: I am a Southern White Male. I have a brain and I know how to use it.