Rural America rules

JaKaacH · 08-13-2010, 11:38 AM

Cowboy/Farmer rules for: Arizona , Kansas , Oklahoma , Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho and the rest of the Wild West!

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road or dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus,BMW,Benze,etc. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati or Chicago call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

17. There's only one God and we love him and worship him.

SmokeyJoe · 08-13-2010, 11:45 AM

Thanks, Jeff.

shilala · 08-13-2010, 11:55 AM

Amen.

The Poet · 08-13-2010, 11:59 AM

That's nice. But maybe we need some Urban Rules too. Let's start with:

1. That's a toolshed. The toilet is inside.

kelmac07 · 08-13-2010, 12:00 PM

shilala · 08-13-2010, 12:02 PM

I'd also like to add that a slap in the head is not cause for a lawsuit. We call it a lesson.
A good asskicking is sometimes the perfect tool for arousing an epiphany, as well.

JaKaacH · 08-13-2010, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Poet

That's nice. But maybe we need some Urban Rules too. Let's start with:

1. That's a toolshed. The toilet is inside.

The tools are usually inside too!

Subvet642 · 08-13-2010, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaKaacH

17. There's only one God and we love him and worship him.

Sorry, dude.

G G · 08-13-2010, 12:05 PM

Love it and a lot of that applies to my hometown.

Texan in Mexico · 08-13-2010, 12:05 PM

No 12 made me laugh out loud.
Posted via Mobile Device

The Poet · 08-13-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaKaacH

The tools are usually inside too!

The tools are normally inside in these parts too . . . but they ain't Craftsmen.

Subvet642 · 08-13-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

I'd also like to add that a slap in the head is not cause for a lawsuit. We call it a lesson.
A good asskicking is sometimes the perfect tool for arousing an epiphany, as well.

Not a lawsuit, a criminal complaint for assault and battery.

The Poet · 08-13-2010, 12:31 PM

Urban Rule #2. At best, Pizza Hut is only half-right, for it certainly isn't pizza. And Vienna Sausage is wrong on both counts.

jledou · 08-13-2010, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Poet

And Vienna Sausage is wrong on both counts.

MMMmmmmmmmm .... MEAT sticks!!!!!

BTcigars · 08-13-2010, 11:11 PM

A nice set of rules to live by.

The Poet · 08-14-2010, 10:11 AM

Urban Rule #3. I don't care what the girl at Penny's said, haute couture is NOT French for "off the rack".

GolfNut · 08-14-2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Poet

...And Vienna Sausage is wrong on both counts.

Hey, no picking on Vienna Sausages! Perfectly formed little round logs of tender, juicy meat-like substance. I popped a can of Armour at 12:30am this morning while reading this forum!

4WheelVFR · 08-14-2010, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GolfNut

Hey, no picking on Vienna Sausages! Perfectly formed little round logs of tender, juicy meat-like substance. I popped a can of Armour at 12:30am this morning while reading this forum!

Mmmmmmm......bbq flavored Viennies with those little white mystery specks, and lets not forget potted meat and hormel "ham" patties.

The Poet · 08-14-2010, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GolfNut

Hey, no picking on Vienna Sausages!

Hey, I never said I wouldn't eat them. I simply stated they are not Viennese, and whatever they may be, they are not sausage.

GolfNut · 08-14-2010, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Poet

and whatever they may be, they are not sausage.

Let's not look into that too closely either!

Some things, I just don't want to know!

08-13-2010, 11:59 AM	#4
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: Rural America rules That's nice. But maybe we need some Urban Rules too. Let's start with: 1. That's a toolshed. The toilet is inside.

08-13-2010, 12:00 PM	#5
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Rural America rules __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

08-13-2010, 12:02 PM	#6
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Rural America rules I'd also like to add that a slap in the head is not cause for a lawsuit. We call it a lesson. A good asskicking is sometimes the perfect tool for arousing an epiphany, as well. __________________

08-13-2010, 12:05 PM	#9
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,701 Trading: (10)	Re: Rural America rules Love it and a lot of that applies to my hometown.

08-13-2010, 12:05 PM	#10
Texan in Mexico Feeling at Home Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Travis Location: Puerto Morelos, Mexico Posts: 958 Trading: (0)	Re: Rural America rules No 12 made me laugh out loud. Posted via Mobile Device

08-13-2010, 11:38 AM	#1
JaKaacH ROCK Chalk JAYHAWK K U Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jeff Location: Living in the golden age of ignorance in power. Posts: 1,363 Trading: (32)	Rural America rules Cowboy/Farmer rules for: Arizona , Kansas , Oklahoma , Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho and the rest of the Wild West! 1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road or dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus,BMW,Benze,etc. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 5. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go. 6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati or Chicago call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish. 16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! 17. There's only one God and we love him and worship him. __________________ --Anger Management Graduate-- WHAT the F^#% you looking at???

08-13-2010, 11:45 AM	#2
SmokeyJoe Chief Wannastogie Lounge Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Joe Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 3,160 Trading: (28)	Re: Rural America rules Thanks, Jeff. __________________ "I intend to smoke a good cigar to the glory of God..." ~ Charles H. Spurgeon, British Baptist preacher

08-13-2010, 11:55 AM	#3
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Rural America rules Amen. __________________

08-13-2010, 12:31 PM	#13
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: Rural America rules Urban Rule #2. At best, Pizza Hut is only half-right, for it certainly isn't pizza. And Vienna Sausage is wrong on both counts.

08-13-2010, 11:11 PM	#15
BTcigars Adjusting to the Life Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Sacramento CA Posts: 486 Trading: (1)	Re: Rural America rules A nice set of rules to live by.

08-14-2010, 10:11 AM	#16
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: Rural America rules Urban Rule #3. I don't care what the girl at Penny's said, haute couture is NOT French for "off the rack".