Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-03-2018, 09:31 AM   #1
markem
Bunion
 
markem's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Mark
Location: Second Star on the Right
Posts: 22,462
Trading: (47)
HUpmann
markem has disabled reputation
Default Newfoundland declares war on US

An oldie but goodie. Just gets updated with the name of the current president.


Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A!!!
President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Donald said, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Donald paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! We have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Donald was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins, Lord tunderin! Two million, ye say!!" said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Donald. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
“Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
markem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 09:52 AM   #2
big_jaygee
I'm nuts for the place
 
big_jaygee's Avatar
9
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
First Name: Jason
Location: Houston
Posts: 3,914
Trading: (59)
big_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

big_jaygee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 10:42 AM   #3
CigarNut
F*ck Cancer!
 
CigarNut's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Michael
Location: Clermont, Florida
Posts: 18,038
Trading: (111)
RA
CigarNut has disabled reputation
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

__________________
Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags?

2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.
CigarNut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 11:14 AM   #4
dijit
Have My Own Room
 
dijit's Avatar
5
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
First Name: Mike
Location: Brownsburg, Indiana
Posts: 2,186
Trading: (48)
Montecristo AirForce (Served With Honor)
dijit is just really nicedijit is just really nicedijit is just really nicedijit is just really nice
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

Wow!
__________________
Sporting goods raffle for a great cause. PM me for tickets.
dijit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 11:55 AM   #5
nutcracker
Shameless epicurian
 
nutcracker's Avatar
5
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
First Name: Neil
Location: Winnipeg, Canada - Home of the Jets!
Posts: 1,631
Trading: (26)
Partagas
nutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nice
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

Yep - Newfies for ya
__________________
"Well I ain't often right but I've never been wrong....
Jerry Garcia (R.I.P.)
nutcracker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 11:58 AM   #6
nutcracker
Shameless epicurian
 
nutcracker's Avatar
5
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
First Name: Neil
Location: Winnipeg, Canada - Home of the Jets!
Posts: 1,631
Trading: (26)
Partagas
nutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nicenutcracker is just really nice
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

On a serious note - I visited Beaumont Hamel some years ago. Brave buggers ....
https://www.heritage.nf.ca/first-wor...t-hamel-en.php
__________________
"Well I ain't often right but I've never been wrong....
Jerry Garcia (R.I.P.)
nutcracker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2018, 12:10 PM   #7
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 70,443
Trading: (61)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Tır and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.