Dr Pun

JaKaacH · 07-10-2010, 10:43 AM

A man walked into a doctor's office and asked the doctor to inspect his leg. The man said, "Here, put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard very faintly, "Come on, can I have five bucks, just five bucks?"

The doctor stepped back in horror, and the man said, "I know, but it gets worse. Put your ear to my shin." The doctor put his ear to the man's shin and heard very faintly, "Come on, can I have ten bucks, just ten bucks?"

Once again, the doctor stood up, perplexed. The man then said, "If that surprises you, put your ear to my ankle." The doctor put his ear to the man's ankle and heard faintly, "Come on, can I have twenty bucks, just twenty bucks?"

The doctor stood up and said, "Well, I can I make just one conclusion. Your leg is broke in three places."

G G · 07-10-2010, 10:49 AM

icehog3 · 07-10-2010, 02:01 PM

A scientist invented a formula that would make dolphins live forever. It was primarily made up of mashed up baby sea gulls. He knew he had to get his creation patented immediately to keep others from cashing in on his discovery.

When he arrived at the patent office, one of the concrete lions which adorned the entrance had fallen in front of the door, and the scientist had to jump over it to get into the building. He was immediately arrested. Why?

Crossing a staid lion with young gulls for immortal porpoises.

Skywalker · 07-10-2010, 05:57 PM

Ogre · 07-10-2010, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skywalker

OH YES HE DID!!!!!

markem · 07-10-2010, 07:27 PM

There was a young boy who lived with his family on a farm in the countryside. One building on the farm was a large ice-house, where produce was stored until market day.

One day, the boy was playing near the ice-house, and happened to notice that a family of wrens (small birds) had got themselves trapped in the building. The boy opened the doors, and tried to coax them out, but oddly, they didn't seem to want to come (they probably figured that it was worth being cold with all this food lying around!).

The boy was very worried about the little birds, because it was so cold in the ice-house, and kept coming back to see that they were okay.

That night, he knelt down at his bedside, and prayed "God bless all the little chilled wrens."

Old Sailor · 07-10-2010, 07:32 PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Scottw · 07-10-2010, 07:58 PM

Pedro and Juanita gave birth to twin Sons and named them Juan and Amal. Unfortnately, they had to put the up for adoption due to financial hardships. Years later, they received a letter from a man named Juan, it was their long lost son. He included a picture and wrote about all the things that had gone on in the past 18 years. Juanita put down the letter and began to cry. "What?" said Pedro. Juanita said "I just wish that we got something from Amal, I would've liked a letter and picture of him too". "Come on",said Pedro, "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

icehog3 · 07-10-2010, 08:03 PM

Famed pitcher Mel Famey was having another outstanding outing, despite the 103* heat. His team was up 1-0 going into the 9th, and Mel was getting quite overheated. While his team batted in the top of the 9th, Mel found a 6 pack of Schlitz beer and snuck into the corner of the dugout, pounding all 6 to cool off.

When he returned to the mound foe the bottom of the ninth, the Schlitz kicked in and he walked 5 straight batters for a 2-1 loss.

One of the opposing players found the empty cans after the game, and shouted "This is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us".

BlackDog · 07-10-2010, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

"This is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us".

icehog3 · 07-10-2010, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackDog

I don't think anybody under 40 will get it though, Warren.

07-10-2010, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

I don't think anybody under 40 will get it though, Warren.

Look out for the bull...

07-10-2010, 09:10 PM

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

JaKaacH · 07-10-2010, 10:51 PM

A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched.

"Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat. "They didn't offer us a single bite!"

"What do you expect?" asked the other fish. "They're two shellfish."

Scottw · 07-10-2010, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

I don't think anybody under 40 will get it though, Warren.

You're right Tom, I am clueless on this.

Scottw · 07-10-2010, 11:04 PM

Sam Franks and Frank Sams were the best of friends since they met at school and found that their names were almost opposite. They were always playing together as kids, and grew up to be great friends. They both got married and kept friends with each other, going down to the pub at weekends, drinking and chatting about the usual hassles and fun of life. Sam Franks owned a disco which sometimes both of them would go to on Fridays for a good time and free drinks as Sam Franks owned it.

But one night when Frank Sams was driving home to his wife after having a great time at the disco a lorry was out of control on the roads and crashed into his car, killing him virtually instantly. Frank Sams then found himself in heaven and able to see his dead relatives and be happy, but he was still feeling lonely without his best friend, Sam Franks, so he went to the Angel Gabriel and asked what the possibility of saying a last farewell to Sam Franks. Sam Franks was also very lonely without his best friend since school, Frank Sams, and said a little prayer to ask to see him for one last time. Angel Gabriel was contemplating whether to let Frank Sams go back to earth and see his best friend since school, Sam Franks, and as he was contemplating, he heard the prayer of Sam Franks asking to see Frank Sams one last time.

Gabriel then realised the strong friendship between the two, so he said to Frank Sams that he could visit earth and his friend, Sam Franks for one last time, for one night only. So Frank Sams was overjoyed at this piece of news, so decided to visit Sam Franks on a Friday, where he almost knew he would be at his disco with his wife. Gabriel said to Frank Sams, "The only provisory that I let you go back to earth for one last night, is that you must take your wings, your golden harp and your halo with you, and you must bring them back." Frank Sams agreed and was then sent down to earth just outside of the disco that Sam Franks owned. As this night was a fancy dress type night, he decided to leave on his halo and wings so that he would fit in as another party goer, so he went in and saw his best friend ever, Sam Franks. Sam Franks was in tears as he saw his best friend ever, Frank Sams, walk over to him, they hugged each other (in that manly way). Many drinks were ordered, old times talked about, then they went for a final jive on the dance floor as Frank Sams said that this was the last time they would see each other. It came to closing time for the night, and the end of Frank Sams last visit to earth, so he hugged goodbye, walked out the door and was whisked away back up to heaven.

As it was Gabriel who was to meet him back and check all went well, he thanked Gabriel for the last chance to see his best friend, and Gabriel said "That's fine, I just have to check if you've not left anything behind.", Frank Sams said, "Yep, I've got my wings, my halo.. OH NO! I've left my harp in Sam Franks' disco!!"

icehog3 · 07-11-2010, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scottw

You're right Tom, I am clueless on this.

Slogan for Schlitz in the 70's was "The beer that made Milwaukee famous"...thus, "the beer that made Mel Famey walk us".

icehog3 · 07-11-2010, 12:18 AM

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

07-11-2010, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

I don't think anybody under 40 will get it though, Warren.

And what's made Milwaukee famous has made a loserrr out of me

billybarue · 07-11-2010, 06:32 PM

Mahatma Gandhi's strict vegetarian diet left his bonestructure weakened from lack of calcium and protein. The diet also contained a good bit of fragrant curries and strong vegetables like garlic and onions, which made his breath less than fragrant. He also often shunned his sandles and walked barefoot resulting in soreness and a good deal of extra punishment to his feet.

and in the end you get:

A "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis"

Bdoomp boomp!

07-10-2010, 10:43 AM	#1
JaKaacH ROCK Chalk JAYHAWK K U Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jeff Location: Living in the golden age of ignorance in power. Posts: 1,363 Trading: (32)	Dr Pun A man walked into a doctor's office and asked the doctor to inspect his leg. The man said, "Here, put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard very faintly, "Come on, can I have five bucks, just five bucks?" The doctor stepped back in horror, and the man said, "I know, but it gets worse. Put your ear to my shin." The doctor put his ear to the man's shin and heard very faintly, "Come on, can I have ten bucks, just ten bucks?" Once again, the doctor stood up, perplexed. The man then said, "If that surprises you, put your ear to my ankle." The doctor put his ear to the man's ankle and heard faintly, "Come on, can I have twenty bucks, just twenty bucks?" The doctor stood up and said, "Well, I can I make just one conclusion. Your leg is broke in three places." __________________ --Anger Management Graduate-- WHAT the F^#% you looking at???

07-10-2010, 10:49 AM	#2
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,701 Trading: (10)	Re: Dr Pun

07-10-2010, 02:01 PM	#3
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 70,533 Trading: (61)	Re: Dr Pun A scientist invented a formula that would make dolphins live forever. It was primarily made up of mashed up baby sea gulls. He knew he had to get his creation patented immediately to keep others from cashing in on his discovery. When he arrived at the patent office, one of the concrete lions which adorned the entrance had fallen in front of the door, and the scientist had to jump over it to get into the building. He was immediately arrested. Why? Crossing a staid lion with young gulls for immortal porpoises. __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

07-10-2010, 05:57 PM	#4
Skywalker BABOTL Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Dice Location: Galaxy Far Far Away Posts: 10,168 Trading: (18)	Re: Dr Pun __________________ Smoke what you like!!!

07-10-2010, 07:27 PM	#6
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,507 Trading: (47)	Re: Dr Pun There was a young boy who lived with his family on a farm in the countryside. One building on the farm was a large ice-house, where produce was stored until market day. One day, the boy was playing near the ice-house, and happened to notice that a family of wrens (small birds) had got themselves trapped in the building. The boy opened the doors, and tried to coax them out, but oddly, they didn't seem to want to come (they probably figured that it was worth being cold with all this food lying around!). The boy was very worried about the little birds, because it was so cold in the ice-house, and kept coming back to see that they were okay. That night, he knelt down at his bedside, and prayed "God bless all the little chilled wrens." __________________ I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx

07-10-2010, 07:32 PM	#7
Old Sailor Black Ops - S.O.B. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Dave Location: Side Porta!! Kingsville, Ont., Canada Posts: 4,161 Trading: (22)	Re: Dr Pun AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH __________________ Canadian Armed Forces 1976! Canadian Coast Guard, retired in 2012 after 32 years!!

07-10-2010, 07:58 PM	#8
Scottw Going Commando Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Location: Sussex, NJ Posts: 2,810 Trading: (6)	Re: Dr Pun Pedro and Juanita gave birth to twin Sons and named them Juan and Amal. Unfortnately, they had to put the up for adoption due to financial hardships. Years later, they received a letter from a man named Juan, it was their long lost son. He included a picture and wrote about all the things that had gone on in the past 18 years. Juanita put down the letter and began to cry. "What?" said Pedro. Juanita said "I just wish that we got something from Amal, I would've liked a letter and picture of him too". "Come on",said Pedro, "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!" __________________ "Ray when someone asks you if your a GOD you say yes."

07-10-2010, 08:03 PM	#9
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 70,533 Trading: (61)	Re: Dr Pun Famed pitcher Mel Famey was having another outstanding outing, despite the 103* heat. His team was up 1-0 going into the 9th, and Mel was getting quite overheated. While his team batted in the top of the 9th, Mel found a 6 pack of Schlitz beer and snuck into the corner of the dugout, pounding all 6 to cool off. When he returned to the mound foe the bottom of the ninth, the Schlitz kicked in and he walked 5 straight batters for a 2-1 loss. One of the opposing players found the empty cans after the game, and shouted "This is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us". __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

07-10-2010, 09:10 PM	#13
BC-Axeman Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Dr Pun Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

07-10-2010, 10:51 PM	#14
JaKaacH ROCK Chalk JAYHAWK K U Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jeff Location: Living in the golden age of ignorance in power. Posts: 1,363 Trading: (32)	Re: Dr Pun A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched. "Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat. "They didn't offer us a single bite!" "What do you expect?" asked the other fish. "They're two shellfish." __________________ --Anger Management Graduate-- WHAT the F^#% you looking at???

07-10-2010, 11:04 PM	#16
Scottw Going Commando Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Location: Sussex, NJ Posts: 2,810 Trading: (6)	Re: Dr Pun Sam Franks and Frank Sams were the best of friends since they met at school and found that their names were almost opposite. They were always playing together as kids, and grew up to be great friends. They both got married and kept friends with each other, going down to the pub at weekends, drinking and chatting about the usual hassles and fun of life. Sam Franks owned a disco which sometimes both of them would go to on Fridays for a good time and free drinks as Sam Franks owned it. But one night when Frank Sams was driving home to his wife after having a great time at the disco a lorry was out of control on the roads and crashed into his car, killing him virtually instantly. Frank Sams then found himself in heaven and able to see his dead relatives and be happy, but he was still feeling lonely without his best friend, Sam Franks, so he went to the Angel Gabriel and asked what the possibility of saying a last farewell to Sam Franks. Sam Franks was also very lonely without his best friend since school, Frank Sams, and said a little prayer to ask to see him for one last time. Angel Gabriel was contemplating whether to let Frank Sams go back to earth and see his best friend since school, Sam Franks, and as he was contemplating, he heard the prayer of Sam Franks asking to see Frank Sams one last time. Gabriel then realised the strong friendship between the two, so he said to Frank Sams that he could visit earth and his friend, Sam Franks for one last time, for one night only. So Frank Sams was overjoyed at this piece of news, so decided to visit Sam Franks on a Friday, where he almost knew he would be at his disco with his wife. Gabriel said to Frank Sams, "The only provisory that I let you go back to earth for one last night, is that you must take your wings, your golden harp and your halo with you, and you must bring them back." Frank Sams agreed and was then sent down to earth just outside of the disco that Sam Franks owned. As this night was a fancy dress type night, he decided to leave on his halo and wings so that he would fit in as another party goer, so he went in and saw his best friend ever, Sam Franks. Sam Franks was in tears as he saw his best friend ever, Frank Sams, walk over to him, they hugged each other (in that manly way). Many drinks were ordered, old times talked about, then they went for a final jive on the dance floor as Frank Sams said that this was the last time they would see each other. It came to closing time for the night, and the end of Frank Sams last visit to earth, so he hugged goodbye, walked out the door and was whisked away back up to heaven. As it was Gabriel who was to meet him back and check all went well, he thanked Gabriel for the last chance to see his best friend, and Gabriel said "That's fine, I just have to check if you've not left anything behind.", Frank Sams said, "Yep, I've got my wings, my halo.. OH NO! I've left my harp in Sam Franks' disco!!" __________________ "Ray when someone asks you if your a GOD you say yes."

07-11-2010, 12:18 AM	#18
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 70,533 Trading: (61)	Re: Dr Pun A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

07-11-2010, 06:32 PM	#20
billybarue Still Watching My Back Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 226 Trading: (5)	Re: Dr Pun Mahatma Gandhi's strict vegetarian diet left his bonestructure weakened from lack of calcium and protein. The diet also contained a good bit of fragrant curries and strong vegetables like garlic and onions, which made his breath less than fragrant. He also often shunned his sandles and walked barefoot resulting in soreness and a good deal of extra punishment to his feet. and in the end you get: A "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis" Bdoomp boomp!