Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-08-2018, 07:59 AM   #1
BigAsh
Don't knock the Ash...
 
BigAsh's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Keith
Location: Yardley, PA
Posts: 3,938
Trading: (46)
Partagas
BigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to behold
Default Tom's Scrotum....

Tom's scrotum - The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.......


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is "sternum."
__________________
Keith
BigAsh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 08:02 AM   #2
Steve
Screen Name Steve
 
Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Steve
Location: 17 R 435648 3354895
Posts: 7,041
Trading: (6)
HdM
Steve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud of
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....



(for the record, I was really scared to open this thread...)
__________________
...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied,
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide
Steve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 08:02 AM   #3
CigarNut
Really?
 
CigarNut's Avatar
14
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Michael
Location: Clermont, Florida
Posts: 16,597
Trading: (111)
RA
CigarNut has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....



__________________
Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags?

2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.
CigarNut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 10:40 AM   #4
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
13
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Kindergarten Cop
Posts: 58,028
Trading: (59)
RA
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank and Týr.
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 10:48 AM   #5
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
13
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Kindergarten Cop
Posts: 58,028
Trading: (59)
RA
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......
….and that it was a bicycle wreck and not a fall in the shower....
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank and Týr.
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 10:51 AM   #6
massphatness
Where's my buffaloooo ...
 
massphatness's Avatar
14
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Vin
Location: MassHolia
Posts: 11,389
Trading: (206)
ERdM
massphatness has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
….and that it was a bicycle wreck and not a fall in the shower....
Given the bicycle angle, the thread title would have been Rob's Scrotum
__________________
Help Support The Navy SEAL Foundation: HERE
massphatness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 10:52 AM   #7
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
13
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Kindergarten Cop
Posts: 58,028
Trading: (59)
RA
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by massphatness View Post
Given the bicycle angle, the thread title would have been Rob's Scrotum
Touché.
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank and Týr.
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 01:54 PM   #8
Tio Gato
Uncle Kitty
 
Tio Gato's Avatar
8
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Jeff
Location: Corner stool in a raw bar
Posts: 1,638
Trading: (10)
Partagas
Tio Gato is a jewel in the roughTio Gato is a jewel in the roughTio Gato is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Great one Keith!
__________________
"You stink like cigars Uncle Kitty!" Said my Boo age 3.
"Kid, take care of your family and the hell with anyone else" My Grandpa Bubba.
Tio Gato is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 05:23 PM   #9
Flynnster
Life's too short Swishers
 
Flynnster's Avatar
2
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Middle of the Mitten
Posts: 774
Trading: (6)
Flynnster has a spectacular aura aboutFlynnster has a spectacular aura about
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Never been so scared to open a thread on this forum.
Flynnster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 05:28 PM   #10
kelmac07
Resident Maduro Whore!!
 
kelmac07's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
First Name: Mac
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 27,248
Trading: (218)
Bolivar Army (Retired)
kelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

I thought, for certain, this was going to be a story about our Tom.
__________________
Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
kelmac07 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2018, 06:34 PM   #11
Brlesq
Carpe cigar!
 
Brlesq's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
First Name: Bruce
Posts: 659
Trading: (16)
QdO
Brlesq will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

__________________
Hey! How come "Habana" is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?
Brlesq is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2018, 08:03 AM   #12
BigAsh
Don't knock the Ash...
 
BigAsh's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Keith
Location: Yardley, PA
Posts: 3,938
Trading: (46)
Partagas
BigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to beholdBigAsh is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by kelmac07 View Post
I thought, for certain, this was going to be a story about our Tom.
Stay tuned....
__________________
Keith
BigAsh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2018, 08:40 AM   #13
croatan
Spank monkey
 
croatan's Avatar
5
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: James
Location: la Vuelta Abajo
Posts: 3,622
Trading: (6)
HUpmann
croatan has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......
I was all ready to bid, too
__________________
Fumo ergo sum.
croatan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2018, 11:53 AM   #14
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
13
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Kindergarten Cop
Posts: 58,028
Trading: (59)
RA
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Tom's Scrotum....

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigAsh View Post
Stay tuned....


Quote:
Originally Posted by croatan View Post
I was all ready to bid, too
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank and Týr.
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:21 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.