 |
|
02-18-2014, 09:26 AM
|
#1 |
|
Gramps 4x's
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny
Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana
Posts: 8,774
Trading: (8)
 |
The IRS and Grandpa
Oldie but Goodie just in time for the season.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
__________________
Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian |
|
|
|
02-18-2014, 09:45 AM
|
#2 |
|
Will herf for food
|
Re: The IRS and Grandpa
Actually LOL
__________________
“Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2014, 10:20 AM
|
#4 |
|
Bunion
|
Re: The IRS and Grandpa
I hope that someone is collecting these for Carlos' biography. These are all actually true stories about him.
__________________
I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2014, 12:51 PM
|
#9 |
|
F*ck Cancer!
|
Re: The IRS and Grandpa
__________________
Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time. |
|
|
|
|
03-21-2014, 07:58 PM
|
#13 |
|
Life, Liberty, Happiness
Join Date: Feb 2010
First Name: Marc
Location: Splitting time between Dayton, NJ and Needmore, PA
Posts: 360
Trading: (0)
 |
Re: The IRS and Grandpa
Always a guffaw.
__________________
Marc Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed. - Anon. |
|
|
|
Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
Linear Mode
