Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-04-2011, 11:39 AM   #1
markem
Bunion
 
markem's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Mark
Location: Second Star on the Right
Posts: 22,527
Trading: (47)
HUpmann
markem has disabled reputation
Default At the Pearly Gates

O'Toole died and went to Heaven. Upon his arrival, a concerned St Peter met O'Toole at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry O'Toole,' St Peter said, 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to hold an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden on Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's alright,' answered O'Toole. 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'
'Just 3 Questions,' said St Peter.
'Which are?' asked O'Toole.

The first,' said St Peter, 'Is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?
The second is: How many seconds are there in a year?
The third is: What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?

Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So O'Toole left and gave those three questions some considerable thought. The following morning, St Peter called upon O'Toole and asked if he had considered the questions, to which O'Toole replied, 'I have so too.

Question 1
'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

O'Toole replied with a grin, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St. Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

Question 2

'Well then O'Toole, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

O'Toole immediately responded, 'Just the 12!'

'Only 12?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure O'Toole?'
'Easy,' said O'Toole, 'there's the second of January, the second of February right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at O'Toole and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later St Peter returned to O'Toole. 'I'll allow the answer to stand O'Toole, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.'

Question 3Wisdom of the Irish
Now O'Toole, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

O'Toole replied, 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer, Mr O'Toole?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy?'
'Yes, Andy,' confirmed O'Toole.

This totally flabbergasted St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating over the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to O'Toole, enquired, 'O'Toole, how in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy,' laughed O'Toole, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his Billy boiled.'

And so Paddy entered Heaven...............................
__________________
I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
~ Groucho Marx
markem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2011, 12:24 PM   #2
guitar4001
Adjusting to the Life
 
guitar4001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
First Name: Paul
Location: Between Goldsboro, NC and Africa
Posts: 359
Trading: (0)
VR Army (Active)
guitar4001 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: At the Pearly Gates

i guess that i should watch waltzing matilda to get the puchline.
guitar4001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2011, 12:35 PM   #3
chand
Adjusting to the Life
 
chand's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
First Name: Damian
Location: Dover, DE
Posts: 470
Trading: (22)
Bolivar Army (Served With Honor)
chand will become famous soon enough
Default Re: At the Pearly Gates

chand is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2011, 09:49 PM   #4
ArgusP2
It's Smokin' Time!
 
ArgusP2's Avatar
3
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
First Name: Angel
Location: Glendale, CA
Posts: 1,709
Trading: (13)
RA
ArgusP2 is a jewel in the roughArgusP2 is a jewel in the roughArgusP2 is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: At the Pearly Gates

Here you go, second verse:

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang and he watched and he waited till his billy boiled,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And he sang and he watched and he waited till his billy boiled,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".
ArgusP2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2011, 10:49 PM   #5
Silound
ex-CS Swamp Gorilla
 
Silound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Somewhere in a swamp, south of sanity
Posts: 802
Trading: (15)
Bolivar
Silound will become famous soon enough
Default Re: At the Pearly Gates

Great song, every time I hear that I remember one of my favorite episodes of JAG
__________________
Back in black, and better than ever! You can't keep a good gorilla down!
LSU Geaux Tigers!
Silound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2011, 05:45 AM   #6
TBone
Equal opportunity Bomber
 
TBone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Paul
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,508
Trading: (25)
ERdM AirForce (Disabled Vet)
TBone is a jewel in the roughTBone is a jewel in the roughTBone is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: At the Pearly Gates

TBone is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:50 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.