EMAILS FROM AN A$$HOLE (I didn't say Ma$$hole)

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=45

Damn funny website!

From one email:

Originally Posted by Basic Weapons for Kids

I am Staff Sgt. Mike Partlow and I am on a six month leave. I have nothing to do back in the states, and watching your kids sounds like fun.....

Mr. Partlow,

Thanks for responding! I am interested. Do you have any previous experience with kids? What kind of activities would you do? I am looking for something fun and eductational, and some sports for the boys.

I have lots of experience with kids from my time in the Middle East. I can teach my expertise to your kids through fun games and activities. I can teach them basic weapons training, close quarters combat, explosive ordinance disposal, and hand-to-hand combat.

Is this a joke? You realize these kids are mostly 7 years old, right?

Donna,

It is never too early to teach your children these basic life skills.

[Mugen910]

basic life skills?

[M1903A1]

Sounds like the mini streetfight I inadvertently got into with a friend's (pacifist) wife on Facebook a few months back!

[mojo65]

Thats classic!

[St. Lou Stu]

I know an SSG Mike Partlow! And this is TOTALLY something he would do!


Jesus, I can't wait to talk to him!

[kgoings]

This is hilarious!

[massphatness]

Kittens for my tiger ...

I just wet myself.

[LooseCard]

nevermind......

Originally Posted by St. Lou Stu

I know an SSG Mike Partlow! And this is TOTALLY something he would do!


Jesus, I can't wait to talk to him!

OMG! Let us know, wouldja!

[Mark]

This maybe my new favorite website!

Friggin hilarious!

[King James]

Haha, some of those are great

Original ad:
Wanted: ride from philly to rehoboth beach

i am trying to leave any time next friday. i will pay for gas, and provide conversation.i am bringing a large duffel bag and a cat.

Hey,

I have to go to court in Rehoboth next Friday, so I would be able to give you a ride. I just want to know, you're female, right?

Mike

I'm sorry, I thought you were female because you said you owned a cat.

.....

[Mark]

Originally Posted by mrreindeer

.....

I was just about to post that one! Its from the same guy - Mike Paltrow

[PeteSB75]

Funny site.

Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.

Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.

Original ad:
I am trying to get 2 tickets to the Nationals vs. Red Sox on Thursday, June 25th. I'm willing to pay up to $40.
From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

Hello, I do not have tickets to the Nationals, but I do have a video tape of my 7-year-old's little league team game last week. He plays for the Arby's Allstars, and they beat the Smith Hardware Little Leaguers. I am sure it will be way more entertaining than watching the Nationals get their ass whooped for the 49th time this season.

From austin ******* to Me

[rhymes with truck] yourself, a$$hole.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

Austin, my 7-year-old son was on the computer and he read your very offensive e-mail. Now he is going around telling everyone to "[rhymes with truck] themselves." Me and my wife tried to raise him to be a kid who doesn't curse, but thanks to your profanity, he thinks it is okay. I demand an apology from you.

From austin ******* to Me

You want my apology? Go [rhymes with truck] yourself.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

I did have the tickets; I was just messing around with you. They were good seats - 10 rows back from third base. I was going to sell them both for $30. I would rather burn them, however, if you don't apologize. If you do apologize, the tickets will be yours.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

I'm waiting...

From austin ******* to Me

I'm sorry about your kid.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

Hah, what a sucker. I made you look like little b!tch in front of my 7-year-old son. I don't actually have any tickets. Thanks for helping me teach my son a lesson about how not to keep your dignity.

Mike

HAHAHAHa

OMG....

Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.

omg, the one about the horses & the 18-year old looking for a job....omg

I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole.

Bon Jovi poster!

Hi, my name is Mike Partlow. I am interested in the position of Pool Manager for your hotel. Here is why I feel I am qualified for the position:

- I am an ex Navy SEAL. Water is my blood.
- I have saved countless lives on 3 different continents. I once saved an entire submarine crew from drowning in the artic.
- I am highly trained in underwater combat. I am prepared to handle any situation that may danger this pool.

I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. I will oversee a lifeguard "hellweek" style training program that I will make sure all the lifeguards under my command complete prior to serving for the hotel. Saftey of all pool guests is my top priority. I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool.

Hahahaha.