Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

SNKBYT · 12-09-2009, 05:04 AM

for the snow banters, you know who you are

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
The wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
The window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
From heaven.. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
Covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
Sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
The whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
Ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
Boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
Up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
To shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
Disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
Snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
Snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
A nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
Temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
Sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
Up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
The life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
Buried everything again. I didn't
Realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
But I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
Extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
A wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
Cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
Anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
Pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
Stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
Should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
Her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
The damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
Day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
They're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
Lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about
Buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
Another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
Says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
And bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
Inches of the white s*it fell today, and it's so cold,
It probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
To get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
Had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
Dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
Hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
The winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
Asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
This morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
Says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
The shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
Ever catch the son of a bit*h who drives that snow
Plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
Beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
Hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
Shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
Miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
Been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20.. Still snowed in. The bi*ch is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

longknocker · 12-09-2009, 05:15 AM

Glad I Live In The South, Alex!

shilala · 12-09-2009, 05:56 AM

There's three inches of white slop out there right now.
I went to Sheetz to get milk for me coffee. On the way I saw about five snowplows and 15 or 20 people shoveling. When I pulled back in my driveway, my very first thought was "Eff it, it'll melt in June".
Thank God for four wheel drive and snow tires. Seriously.

CBI_2 · 12-09-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by longknocker

Glad I Live In The South, Alex!

We shovel up sunshine.

SNKBYT · 02-10-2014, 09:51 AM

for all the snow snow snow

stearns · 02-10-2014, 10:42 AM

" I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
Up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
To shovel again. What a perfect life!"

CigarNut · 02-10-2014, 11:17 AM

We got about 10" starting last Thursday. I will all be gone tomorrow and no more snow for a least a year

12-09-2009, 05:04 AM	#1
SNKBYT PATRIOT and VETERAN Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Alex Location: TOMBSTONE, AZ Posts: 3,282 Trading: (30)	Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler for the snow banters, you know who you are Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler December 8 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and The wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by The window watching the huge soft flakes drift down From heaven.. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow Covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic Sight! Can there be a more lovely place in The whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've Ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a Boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered Up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got To shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a Disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much Snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see Snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such A nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The Temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything Sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed Up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is The life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and Buried everything again. I didn't Realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, But I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 Extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants A wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very Cruel. December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go Anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to Pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but Stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I Should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to Her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20 Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of The damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all Day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said They're too busy playing hockey. I think they're Lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about Buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have Another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob Says I have to shovel or the city will have it done And bill me. I think he's lying. December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more Inches of the white sit fell today, and it's so cold, It probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes To get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I Had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and Dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to Hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of The winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the Asshole is lying. December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house This morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She Says she did but I think she's lying. December 24 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke The shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I Ever catch the son of a bith who drives that snow Plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and Beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he Hides around the corner and waits for me to finish Shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 Miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just Been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow. December 25 Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave. December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. December 28 Warmed up to above -20.. Still snowed in. The bi*ch is driving me crazy!!! December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. December 31 I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? __________________ "IF YOU WANT TO TAKE MY FREEDOM, MAKE DAMN SURE THAT YOU'RE AS PASSSIONATE ABOUT TAKING IT AS I AM ABOUT KEEPING IT"

12-09-2009, 05:15 AM	#2
longknocker Postwhore Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 11,113 Trading: (82)	Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler Glad I Live In The South, Alex!

12-09-2009, 05:56 AM	#3
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler There's three inches of white slop out there right now. I went to Sheetz to get milk for me coffee. On the way I saw about five snowplows and 15 or 20 people shoveling. When I pulled back in my driveway, my very first thought was "Eff it, it'll melt in June". Thank God for four wheel drive and snow tires. Seriously. __________________

02-10-2014, 09:51 AM	#5
SNKBYT PATRIOT and VETERAN Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Alex Location: TOMBSTONE, AZ Posts: 3,282 Trading: (30)	Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler for all the snow snow snow __________________ "IF YOU WANT TO TAKE MY FREEDOM, MAKE DAMN SURE THAT YOU'RE AS PASSSIONATE ABOUT TAKING IT AS I AM ABOUT KEEPING IT"

02-10-2014, 10:42 AM	#6
stearns Dogbert Consultant Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Ben Location: Park Hill Posts: 5,346 Trading: (50)	Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler " I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered Up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got To shovel again. What a perfect life!" __________________ "Ignoring all the racket of conventional reality" - Keller Williams

02-10-2014, 11:17 AM	#7
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,038 Trading: (111*)	Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler We got about 10" starting last Thursday. I will all be gone tomorrow and no more snow for a least a year __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.