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Old 12-29-2020, 11:59 AM   #1
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Default Custody Battle

Hello all.

One of my reason to rejoin here is to look for support.

4 years ago, I had a daughter. I have been in a custody battle since she was 3 months old and it only continues to get worse.


My question, has anyone been through this, going through this or familiar with it?

I do not mind explaining my story... as I have nothing to hide.

I have not seen my daughter in 6 weeks as of yesterday.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:20 AM   #2
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Default Re: Custody Battle

I'm sorry you're going through this, Garry. I never had kids so can't help from personal experience. I did see lots of it through 30 years of law enforcement though.

I'm here for moral support, and will answer any questions that I can from my work experiences.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:25 AM   #3
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
I'm sorry you're going through this, Garry. I never had kids so can't help from personal experience. I did see lots of it through 30 years of law enforcement though.

I'm here for moral support, and will answer any questions that I can from my work experiences.
It is ugly. The things I am being accused of or horrendous and no father should hear these things. I won't lie, the last time I have seen my 4 yr old was November 16th... I dropped her back off to her moms, not knows that would be the last time until... Well, who knows. This holiday season has been up and down for sure. Some days I am on top of the world, others, I want to be buried.

Here in Oregon, LE is useless in this as it is a civil matter.

Tom, I greatly appreciate the support, in any form.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:39 AM   #4
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Default Re: Custody Battle

That sucks, Garry, to be accused of something you're innocent of is devastating. Keep your chin up, the truth will prevail.

Custody is a civil matter in Illinois too, but I had lots of experience enforcing custody agreements. So I may have some insight for you in that regard.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:44 AM   #5
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Default Re: Custody Battle

I had to call LE once, a few years back as she kept my daughter from me for a week... When I called LE, they told me there is nothing they can do, even if I have an order. I need to take her to court. That was heartbreaking for me as all my life, I have been taught to call the cops when in trouble, when something is not right, law wise...

It's tough, I won't lie. Some days I wonder when my end is, the final reaching point... but I have to stay to good course for my daughter, but others I am on cloud 9.

Talking in general does help, again, thanks man!
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: Custody Battle

That stinks, Garry, In Illinois we had police powers including arrest when someone openly defied a valid, specific custody order. Most issues that I could not help with involved vague and sometimes contradictory orders. I'm sorry LEOs in your state don't have the same discretion.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Me too. Just a shitty system that I have jump through all these hopes, take a polygraph, have supervised parenting time, supervised exchanges... These last 4 years have been a pain with plenty of mental health issues arising.

Positive note, I would not change it as I love my daughter 200% for who she is!
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Old 12-30-2020, 11:02 AM   #8
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Default Re: Custody Battle

I'll be "here" if I can help. Off to the gym, check up on you later.
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Old 12-30-2020, 06:11 PM   #9
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Garry, sorry you're going through this. My parents divorced when I was 3 but I was extremely lucky that they stayed cordial and even supported each other in raising me. My Daughter is my world and I couldn't imagine going through what you must be going through. You will be in our prayers that you guys find resolution for you and your Daughter.
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Old 12-30-2020, 06:14 PM   #10
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Garry, sorry you're going through this. My parents divorced when I was 3 but I was extremely lucky that they stayed cordial and even supported each other in raising me. My Daughter is my world and I couldn't imagine going through what you must be going through. You will be in our prayers that you guys find resolution for you and your Daughter.
Thank you, I really appreciate it.



I miss this forum. It was always fun here. This, just the support from the few already means a lot.

Thank you BOTL.
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Old 12-30-2020, 07:25 PM   #11
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Never went through this myself, but have had to assist both husbands and wives.

Not sure why you need to do supervised parenting time? For the entire visit? Are you allowed overnight visitations?

Will keep you in my prayers.
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Old 12-30-2020, 07:29 PM   #12
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Originally Posted by RevSmoke View Post
Never went through this myself, but have had to assist both husbands and wives.

Not sure why you need to do supervised parenting time? For the entire visit? Are you allowed overnight visitations?

Will keep you in my prayers.
I was a weekend parent, courts orders.

The latest accusations, the court OK'd her immediate danger... They have accused me of some sick and twisted things.

Due to that, I get no more than two hours with my daughter in maybe a 30x30 room, watched the whole time. Can't even kiss her.
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Old 12-30-2020, 07:37 PM   #13
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Quote:
Originally Posted by garryyjr View Post
I was a weekend parent, courts orders.

The latest accusations, the court OK'd her immediate danger... They have accused me of some sick and twisted things.

Due to that, I get no more than two hours with my daughter in maybe a 30x30 room, watched the whole time. Can't even kiss her.
Is there any way to disprove the accusations?
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:31 PM   #14
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Originally Posted by RevSmoke View Post
Is there any way to disprove the accusations?
Child welfare is wrapping up the interviews, mine is set for next week. I've already taken a polygraph and passed.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:45 PM   #15
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Child welfare is wrapping up the interviews, mine is set for next week. I've already taken a polygraph and passed.
That is good news.

Will keep you in my prayers for God-pleasing resolution.
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:54 PM   #16
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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That is good news.

Will keep you in my prayers for God-pleasing resolution.
Thank you, greatly appreciated.
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Old 12-31-2020, 06:02 AM   #17
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Quote:
Originally Posted by garryyjr View Post
I was a weekend parent, courts orders.

The latest accusations, the court OK'd her immediate danger... They have accused me of some sick and twisted things.

Due to that, I get no more than two hours with my daughter in maybe a 30x30 room, watched the whole time. Can't even kiss her.



It's really F'ed up that someone can ruin a person's reputation and entire life over baseless accusations.
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Old 03-09-2021, 04:18 PM   #18
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Hello all... I want to try and reach out. I know I have not meant anyone from here, well maybe 2-3 yeeeears ago but I am struggling with a lot currently.

In looking at a career change, it brought to light some things I am unhappy with at current job. Still have that other job on the hook as well as I have reached out to a lot of contacts to explore my options. Working on my resume tomorrow. My work has switched insurance and I have lost my primary care doctor (30+ miles away for in-network), therapist and and behind on the meds I was prescribed to help battle these rough days. The last 2 weeks have been hell. I am a pot smoker, but I have stopped that as well, for the jobs. I am off the depression meds since I can't get to a doctor currently.

I feel like I am trapped here due to the money. I can make a change, I just don't know how I can survive at less, or if I am even making my budget correctly. I have never took a step backwards like this, but if it will help me mental state, I am willing.

I am still fighting to see my daughter. I currently have 2 hour visits with her on Monday's, but even that is a burden... I can't afford to do the 2 hours every week and when I shorten to the hour, I feel extremely crapping to cut the time with my daughter. The most recent allegations that are keeping her from me is that I molest my own child. I have pictures of her everywhere, they used to bring comfort, now they bring pain.

Sorry if this is a ramble, but to be honest, when I reach out to family, they get really concerned as none of them are closer than 6 hours. They freak out, understandable. If I use the support pages on Facebook, I do not know who is there to use that against me, as my ex had herself or someone spying there once and it was brought up in court.

I am not sure what I am trying to gain because I have also become tired of the whole, better days are coming, we are praying... Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the support but nothing is changing, for the better. I am honestly afraid of what is to come... wither it is a medical related issue from all the stress, pain going on or it I just lose it one day.

I try my hardest to stay positive, to push on so I can see my daughter, but for an hour or two a week (in a room where I can't even make contact first, I have to wait for her), it's ****ing brutal. I know she needs me, and I will not leave this earth, I am not giving up... But if I am not mentally and physically fit, then what good am I to her or anyone for that matter? I have thought plenty of times, to move, start over, still fight, give up... Again, all the thoughts that come, I know there are some that are ONLY thoughts that I will never act on but this **** is driving me nuts. I am emotional wreck with a constant pain in my gut and heart.

Again, sorry for the ramble and I don't know what I am to accomplish with this other than get it off my chest.
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Old 03-09-2021, 05:42 PM   #19
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Default Re: Custody Battle

Hard to hear, and hopefully it does help a little just to get it off your chest. Know we are all rooting for you around here.

Something smaller to focus on and make progress, try a budget. You can find some forms and basic info here https://www.daveramsey.com/budgeting/useful-forms

They talk about regular (salary) and irregular incomes (commission) there so give it a shot. If you get stuck or have questions, ask. There are a lot of smart people around here that are willing to help.
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Old 03-09-2021, 05:45 PM   #20
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Default Re: Custody Battle

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Hard to hear, and hopefully it does help a little just to get it off your chest. Know we are all rooting for you around here.

Something smaller to focus on and make progress, try a budget. You can find some forms and basic info here https://www.daveramsey.com/budgeting/useful-forms

They talk about regular (salary) and irregular incomes (commission) there so give it a shot. If you get stuck or have questions, ask. There are a lot of smart people around here that are willing to help.
Thanks, I will give that a look. I had planned on looking into his stuff more, without spending money though.

I have always been good with money management, but so many extra bills these days with the lawyer, visitation, etc...
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