Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-27-2021, 11:05 PM   #1
cmitch
Heads up get down
 
cmitch's Avatar
4
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
First Name: Clayton
Location: NW Alabama by the river
Posts: 2,714
Trading: (25)
Montecristo
cmitch is just really nicecmitch is just really nicecmitch is just really nicecmitch is just really nicecmitch is just really nice
Default Bear hunting

A hunter decides to go bear hunting. He has a 30-30 that is sure to do the job. He waits by a stream and sees this HUGE grizzley amble up to get a drink of water. He aims carefully and FIRES. When he looks up from his gun, he is surprised to see the bear gone. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder. It is the bear.

“Did you just try to kill me with that gun?” Asked the bear.

“Uh, no sir mr. bear. I was just target practicing. Yeah thats it. Target practicing.”

The bear grabs the gun and breaks it in half. He then throws the man down on the ground, rips his pants off and has his way with the man. When he was done, the hunter could hardly walk. The bear told him, “If I catch you out here again, you’ll get it twice as bad!”

Humiliated, the hunter bowleggedly walks back to his truck. “If that’s the last thing I ever do, I’m going to get that bear!”

Thinking of sweet revenge, he buys an elephant gun. Not just any elephant gun but this one has a spiked tripod that takes .556 and is laser sighted. No way he’ll miss this time.

He goes back in the woods, sets up his new fangled weapon and waits. Sure enough, that same bear ambles up to the stream to get a drink. He’s patient this time. He sights in that bear, has the laser right between his eyes and FIRES! It makes one of the loudest cracks he’s ever heard. After his ears stopped ringing, he is again surprised to see the bear gone. Then he feels that dreaded tap on his shoulder. It was the bear. “Did you just try to kill me again? Some folks just never learn! You know the drill. Drop ‘em!”

The man drops his drawers, bends over and the bear ploughs him. So badly that the hunter lost all the feeling in his lower extremeties. It seemed to go on for hours. The bear finishes finally and tells him, “You’re lucky I didn’t kill you this time. You went hunting for bear meat and that’s twice you’ve gotten it! I won’t be as kind if I see you again!”

The hunter is humiliated, distraught, and battered. He never imagined there was such a thing as he’d just been through. Bleeding, bruised, broken, and battered, the hunter could barely crawl. It took him hours to get back to his truck just crawling. He thought to himself, that’s it. I will kill that bear and shoot him until there is nothing left.

After a hospital stay of two weeks, he plots his revenge. He finds a grenade launcher. A very sophisticated one at that. He returns to the stream and waits. Here comes the bear to get a drink. He launches and one of the biggest explosions you ever heard on that hillside takes place. After the dust clears, he sees that there is no bear. “I must’ve blown him to bits!” He thought as he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was the bear.

The bear says, “You’re not here for the huntin’, are you boy?”
__________________
No matter what one's status is in society, cigars are the great equalizer where the affluent and common share a love for the leaf. - Me.
cmitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-28-2021, 08:45 AM   #2
retired
Adjusting to the Life
 
retired's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
First Name: lenny
Location: Kanuckistan..for now
Posts: 372
Trading: (0)
retired will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Bear hunting

Excellent!!
__________________
smoke 'em if ya got 'em
Hard to believe I beat out 2 million other sperm
retired is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-30-2021, 07:17 PM   #3
CigarNut
F*ck Cancer!
 
CigarNut's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Michael
Location: Clermont, Florida
Posts: 18,015
Trading: (111)
RA
CigarNut has disabled reputation
Default Re: Bear hunting

__________________
Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags?

2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.
CigarNut is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.