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Old 02-03-2015, 12:55 PM   #1
Madman31
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Default Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

So I'm getting to that age where everybody I know is getting married. It's scary how fast it happens. I was one of 8 in my group who was single last year and now I'm only 1 of 4. It's like a game of musical chairs and there's so much pressure not to be the one left standing.

Just out of curiosity, do you know anybody who has NEVER married their entire life and is happy? Society portrays the single man as lonely, bitter, and depressed but I wonder if that's the case. What I do know is that being single is better than being in a crappy marriage.

Thoughts on this? And is anybody else out there seriously considering NEVER getting married with the divorce rate being 50%?
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Old 02-03-2015, 01:06 PM   #2
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Do whatever makes you happy. Why would you let your friends or society influence your view on marriage? I have a few friends that got married, IMO should have never done it, and are now realizing that. Not everyone is meant to be in a monogomous relationship, it is O.K.

Personally I think it can be beneficial to have 1 person at your side for a lifetime. I also see the other side of being able to do whatever you want and enjoying life how you want to without having another person to consider. Whatever you think is best for you.

Even if the divorce rate is that high, the rate of people getting married has decreased. I don't think that is representative of how likely a marriage is to work or not work. It is about what you want and the other person. Are you willing to put in the work? Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly.

FWIW I have a great uncle that has never been married. Engaged once. I think he is great. He gambles, drinks, smokes, I always have a good time with him, and he has no regrets. It works for him.
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Old 02-03-2015, 01:24 PM   #3
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

My brother is in his 50's and has been single his whole life. Says he's happy... He is involved in a lot things, cycles a lot and has good friends. What more can you ask for?

I cannot imagine me being single...
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Being single is tough to deal with. I have a friend who is in his 40's and is single and he is struggling with it. It is natural to want to be married unless you are like Paul and have the gift of celibacy. Like Christos said It is not to be entered into lightly. I have a professor friend who never got married and he is able to do a lot of great things that he wouldn't be able to do otherwise. He is able to read and write a lot more books and papers. He is also able to go and teach at our seminaries in Africa on occasion. He is truly a blessing to the Church but I know that he still struggles with being single sometimes even though he is older. We all have to receive the gifts God gives us according to our place in life.

Ultimately if you really want to be married then actively search for a wife. Look for women who are responsible and wife material. If you don't want to get married there is certainly no law that says you have too but I would recommend you find a hobby or job to commit yourself to in order to keep from getting lonely.
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Old 02-03-2015, 04:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Madman31 View Post
Society portrays the single man as lonely, bitter, and depressed but I wonder if that's the case.
That was me IN a marriage. So much happier now.
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Old 02-03-2015, 06:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Life's to short - marriage is not for some- just think you will be giving up all those single ladies.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:44 PM   #7
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I think you need to be happy in yourself, and not depend on others to find happiness. Having said that I've been blessed to be married to the same gal for 30 years. We each find fulfillment in what we do and are synergistic, not dependant.

Whether single or not, you gotta be happy with who you are.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:58 PM   #8
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

The divorce rate statistic is meaningless. There was a stat floating around a number of years ago, indicating that 19% of married men do not cheat on their wives. I'm still one of those 19 percenters. My theory is, if you're gonna cheat, then you shouldn't be getting married to begin with.

If you've found your soul mate brother, then you're set for the rest of your life. Even then, its gonna be a growing experience with the passing of each year.

Then you also gotta look at the tax issues. If you and your soul mate remain un-married, you get a better deal filing at the single rate (but you should check with your tax person on this too).

As Michael (CigarNut) indicated, the answer is "yes." Do not let peer pressure you in to anything "you" do not want to do. Be yourself and stay involved in projects you enjoy and with others
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Old 02-04-2015, 08:39 AM   #9
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I know lots of people single and happy.
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Old 02-04-2015, 09:50 AM   #10
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I had a number of friends from college that thought they were happy being single, then they discovered love and didn't know how they lived without that person. To each their own. Happy is a relative term.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:00 AM   #11
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I stayed single until I was 29 and I was perfectly happy.
Then I got married and was miserable.
Jettissoned the problem and was quickly happy again.
Stayed single for 6 or 7 years, and was blessed with the woman I love.

I've always been happy being single, so I'd answer yes.
But with the right woman, life is much better.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:17 AM   #12
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

This is just as subjective as "what is the best cigar"

Everyone is different and will have different opinions, it really comes down to what makes YOU happy.

That being said, if you are independently wealthy and have enough money to keep you in hookers and blow forever, stay single
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Old 02-04-2015, 11:07 AM   #13
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I am a woman and I am almost 40. I have never been married and I am OK with it. There are times that I am lonely but I quickly get over it and go out and do something. I stay pretty active between all my hobbies. I have always said that if it take me till I am 45 to get married then so be it. I am only going to do it once.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:29 AM   #14
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I work in an industry where single people and divorcees are common. As everyone is saying, do what makes you happy, and you'll be happy. Get involved with some hobbies, spend time with friends, travel.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:48 AM   #15
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

You have to dig deeper and know why is it you are not or don't want to marry.

-Intimacy issues
-Selfishness
-Childhood trauma
-Moral reasons
-Self Image
-Sexual Identity
-Picky....

I am in my mid 40's, never married. Have had the same woman in my life for about 10 years and we have no plans on kids or marriage, but I am committed to her as if we were... I don't want kids as I am selfish, don't make enough to afford them and live the life I want. If I had a ton of cash, I may have thought different.

If it's the idea of marriage and it's dogma, that one thing. If you are avarice towards marriage is more an intimacy, sharing, identity; see it for what it is and choose what makes you happy. Happiness is perspective.

Do you think if Bruce Jenner was young now, he would've married and all that? Took him a long time to come to terms. All the people who married and divorced in the their late 20's... Would they have had a better relationship and life together just staying boyfriend/girlfriend and never getting married?
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Old 02-05-2015, 12:16 PM   #16
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Got married right out of college - she was 21 and I was 22. In June, that will have been 30 years ago. Are we soul mates? Personally, I don't buy into the soul mate idea.

We both made a commitment "to love" one another. I define love as an act of the will to put another over and above yourself, to look out for their interests at all times, no matter how they treat you. That is why I could say, "for better, for worse, in sickness, and in health, till death parts us."

Unfortunately, we both fail on that commitment "to love: one another perfectly.

That's where the second part comes in, the gift of forgiveness. I knew she'd fail, she knew I'd fail, but we live in the forgiveness someone gives to each of us individually, and we then are strengthened to give it to one another.

Were we in "love" when we got married? Yes, that was part of it. But, we also knew that we could attack life in the world together as a team. She is my best friend, I cannot imagine life without her. As we look at our youngest moving out this fall for college, we will have to examine our life together again and readjust - it will be just the two of us again. Our world has revolved around our kids for the last 20 years - and in some ways, it will still. BUT, it will be just us 2 together.

The more you search for the right one with whom you can make a life together, the more difficult it becomes. It will happen when it happens.

Although, if you'd like to know if there are certain issues that are a drawback to women entering a relationship with you, ask a woman who is a close friend to explain, ask her to be honest. Do not defend your actions or behaviors if she points out things that are negative, just hear it out and then maybe work on changing things. Of course, it better be a good friend who is willing to be brutally honest.

And I also know a couple friends who are single in their 50s and happy. So that can also happen. Although, they will all admit periods of loneliness and feeling sometimes like a 3rd wheel. When friends get married, and you are not, there are times when it will be "couples only."

Peace of the Lord be with you.
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Old 02-06-2015, 06:32 AM   #17
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

This is a much deeper question than what it appears on the surface. We are taught as kids marriage and lifelong companionship is desirable. Instinctively we find it desirable to for most of us. When we reach adulthood we are taught it is better to take the easy way out of this decision than to put the work in to make it successful. We are urged to marry young so we can have a full and productive life with our partner, yet when we are young many of us lack the maturity it takes to be successful at the hardest thing you will ever attempt in life.

For me, I have experienced all of the above. Married too young at the age of 19 got divorced at 19. Very bad situation. Married at 21. Still too immature and still regret not trying harder to make it work. Married #3 when I was 24 and 2 years later found out she wasnt mature enough to make it work. At the age of 29 and firmly believing I would never marry again I met #4. We took our time and now have been married for 21 years in April. It is still to date the hardest thing I have ever done. Mostly because I make stupid mistakes and occasionally because she makes me crazy. Do I believe you can be single and be happy? Yes everyone can do this if it is what they want.

The best advice I wish anyone would have given me 30 years or more ago. "Be patient and grow up before you try this. Should the right one come along while you are growing up, You will both be able to wait and grow a little with each other and know when it is right." Dont be in a hurry just because your friends are. Good luck either way your life carries you on this.
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Old 02-06-2015, 11:22 AM   #18
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

I have an arranged marriage; although we arranged it ourselves. We were introduced by a mutual friend. On our second date, we were sitting at her kitchen table ad she said: I don't have time to be spinning my wheels, what are your intentions? I thought to myself: Here's a girl who won't make me read her mind, I can work with that. It turns out that we had nearly identical world views. So, we hammered out an agreement and set all the rules in place before anything else; certainly before emotion got involved. It'll be twenty years in July; best thing I ever did.
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Old 02-06-2015, 12:55 PM   #19
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Default Re: Can a person truly be happy remaining single his whole life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Subvet642 View Post
I have an arranged marriage; although we arranged it ourselves. We were introduced by a mutual friend. On our second date, we were sitting at her kitchen table ad she said: I don't have time to be spinning my wheels, what are your intentions? I thought to myself: Here's a girl who won't make me read her mind, I can work with that...
You weren't thinking "how big is her dowry???" Just kidding...
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