Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1991

SmokeyJoe · 01-09-2009, 12:35 AM

Hey all...

Ran across this and as a fan of Lewis Grizzard and one who misses this great Southern Humorist... I offer this classic musing.

I was entering a building recently and a lady walked up behind me. I opened the door, stood back, and allowed the lady to go first. She smiled and said, “Thank you.”

I followed behind her and we came upon another door. I waited for her to go ahead. But she just stood there. For a moment, I was puzzled at her delay. Then it occurred to me. She was waiting for me to open the door for her again, which I promptly did. Again she smiled and said, “Thank you.“ How refreshing. It had been a long time since I have run across a woman - and a fairly young one at that - who seemed to want and expect a bit of chivalry from the opposite sex.

I think I can speak for most American men and say we are terribly confused in this day of liberated women. We‘re not sure if women want us to treat them in the old, mannerly way or not. If I open a door for a woman, will she take it to mean I think she’s not strong enough to open it herself and knee me in the groin? Judging from the incident I described above, there may be, in fact, a number of women out there who do still appreciate a bit of gallantry now and then.

I am a bit rusty in this area, so I asked around among my female acquaintances until I found one from the old school who could reprogram me a bit on how to treat a lady.

“Do you know,” she began, “how to approach a revolving door with a woman by your side?“ I had no clue. “You go first,“ she explained, “push the door so the lady can simply walk behind you without having to put out any effort other own.”

There were others:

Walking on the sidewalk. “A man should always walk nearest the curb, in case a car might come along and splash water.”

Lighting a cigarette. “Not that many people smoke anymore, but in case you meet a lady who does, it is appropriate to light her cigarette, if you both are smoking, light hers first. If you use a match, light yours first, so as to take the noxious fumes that erupt when a match is first struck.“

Standing when a lady enters the room. “I still appreciate that. It makes me feel special.”

Helping a lady out of a car. “Offer her one hand and then put the other gently behind her back. Never put both hands on her.“

On elevators. “When leaving an elevator, if it is not crowded, stand aside and allow the woman to walk out first“

I had just one more question:

“What if I follow all these rules but run into a woman who is offended by them, and she knees me in the groin?”

“Once you catch your breath,“ said my friend, “tip your hat and offer her a cigar”

galaga · 01-09-2009, 12:23 PM

THX

RIP Lewis

01-09-2009, 02:44 PM

Wow...

Starscream · 01-09-2009, 03:56 PM

Nice.
Grizzard was great.

galaga · 01-09-2009, 07:02 PM

To paraphrase Wayman C. Wanamaker, Jr., a great American, "That dog could hunt. ...

Web site for some old articles. Click on columns, ENJOY.

01-10-2009, 01:04 PM

Sound advice...lol

Squid · 01-10-2009, 09:27 PM

I was a HUGE fan of Lewis Grizzard. Still have many of his books and pull one out periodically to read. Loved some of his book titles, they were as funny as his columns and his books. Examples:

Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun
The Took Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat
Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself
Chili Dawgs Always Bark At Night
My favorite...Don't Sit Under The Grits Tree With Anyone Else But Me

His humor is timeless. Had the pleasure of seeing him here in Fayetteville a couple times when he came for shows. A great experience.

My two favorite quotes by the man:

"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."

"Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."

Thanks for sharing the story...he was indeed a national treasure.

G G · 01-11-2009, 07:56 AM

I loved ol Lewis, a classic southerner.

01-11-2009, 09:23 AM

I always hold the door for women, but if a guy is behind me, I just let it fall, unless it's a friend.
Nice post I like the ending.

SmokeyJoe · 09-26-2009, 01:58 PM

Worth a read...

croatan · 09-26-2009, 02:02 PM

Every book he wrote is worth reading. Always great stuff.

kelmac07 · 09-26-2009, 02:13 PM

Good one!!

09-26-2009, 02:15 PM

Maybe I am showing my youth, but I have never heard of him. After reading this I think I may have to look him up.

G G · 09-26-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogface_313

Maybe I am showing my youth, but I have never heard of him. After reading this I think I may have to look him up.

Trust me you wont be disapointed.

Thaplumbr · 09-26-2009, 05:32 PM

One of my favorite books was"shoot low there riding shetland ponies", got a pretty good selection of his hardbacks!

01-09-2009, 12:35 AM	#1
SmokeyJoe Chief Wannastogie Lounge Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Joe Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 3,160 Trading: (28)	Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1991 Hey all... Ran across this and as a fan of Lewis Grizzard and one who misses this great Southern Humorist... I offer this classic musing. I was entering a building recently and a lady walked up behind me. I opened the door, stood back, and allowed the lady to go first. She smiled and said, “Thank you.” I followed behind her and we came upon another door. I waited for her to go ahead. But she just stood there. For a moment, I was puzzled at her delay. Then it occurred to me. She was waiting for me to open the door for her again, which I promptly did. Again she smiled and said, “Thank you.“ How refreshing. It had been a long time since I have run across a woman - and a fairly young one at that - who seemed to want and expect a bit of chivalry from the opposite sex. I think I can speak for most American men and say we are terribly confused in this day of liberated women. We‘re not sure if women want us to treat them in the old, mannerly way or not. If I open a door for a woman, will she take it to mean I think she’s not strong enough to open it herself and knee me in the groin? Judging from the incident I described above, there may be, in fact, a number of women out there who do still appreciate a bit of gallantry now and then. I am a bit rusty in this area, so I asked around among my female acquaintances until I found one from the old school who could reprogram me a bit on how to treat a lady. “Do you know,” she began, “how to approach a revolving door with a woman by your side?“ I had no clue. “You go first,“ she explained, “push the door so the lady can simply walk behind you without having to put out any effort other own.” There were others: Walking on the sidewalk. “A man should always walk nearest the curb, in case a car might come along and splash water.” Lighting a cigarette. “Not that many people smoke anymore, but in case you meet a lady who does, it is appropriate to light her cigarette, if you both are smoking, light hers first. If you use a match, light yours first, so as to take the noxious fumes that erupt when a match is first struck.“ Standing when a lady enters the room. “I still appreciate that. It makes me feel special.” Helping a lady out of a car. “Offer her one hand and then put the other gently behind her back. Never put both hands on her.“ On elevators. “When leaving an elevator, if it is not crowded, stand aside and allow the woman to walk out first“ I had just one more question: “What if I follow all these rules but run into a woman who is offended by them, and she knees me in the groin?” “Once you catch your breath,“ said my friend, “tip your hat and offer her a cigar” __________________ "I intend to smoke a good cigar to the glory of God..." ~ Charles H. Spurgeon, British Baptist preacher

01-09-2009, 12:23 PM	#2
galaga Just call me Slappy. Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,832 Trading: (3)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 THX RIP Lewis __________________ I may be easy, but I'm sure as hell ain't cheap....

01-09-2009, 02:44 PM	#3
MithShrike Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Wow...

01-09-2009, 03:56 PM	#4
Starscream Knowhutimean, Vern? Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Andy Location: In a little town somewhere in the USA Posts: 10,237 Trading: (4)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Nice. Grizzard was great. __________________ Insert quote here.

01-09-2009, 07:02 PM	#5
galaga Just call me Slappy. Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,832 Trading: (3)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 To paraphrase Wayman C. Wanamaker, Jr., a great American, "That dog could hunt. ... Web site for some old articles. Click on columns, ENJOY. __________________ I may be easy, but I'm sure as hell ain't cheap....

01-10-2009, 01:04 PM	#6
Metalnoise777 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Sound advice...lol

01-10-2009, 09:27 PM	#7
Squid Old Man Herfer Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Poorhouse, NC Posts: 153 Trading: (1)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 I was a HUGE fan of Lewis Grizzard. Still have many of his books and pull one out periodically to read. Loved some of his book titles, they were as funny as his columns and his books. Examples: Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun The Took Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself Chili Dawgs Always Bark At Night My favorite...Don't Sit Under The Grits Tree With Anyone Else But Me His humor is timeless. Had the pleasure of seeing him here in Fayetteville a couple times when he came for shows. A great experience. My two favorite quotes by the man: "Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes." "Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." Thanks for sharing the story...he was indeed a national treasure.

01-11-2009, 07:56 AM	#8
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,701 Trading: (10)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 I loved ol Lewis, a classic southerner.

01-11-2009, 09:23 AM	#9
AdamC Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 I always hold the door for women, but if a guy is behind me, I just let it fall, unless it's a friend. Nice post I like the ending.

09-26-2009, 01:58 PM	#10
SmokeyJoe Chief Wannastogie Lounge Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Joe Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 3,160 Trading: (28)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Worth a read... __________________ "I intend to smoke a good cigar to the glory of God..." ~ Charles H. Spurgeon, British Baptist preacher

09-26-2009, 02:02 PM	#11
croatan Missing Peter Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: James Location: la Vuelta Abajo Posts: 3,727 Trading: (6)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Every book he wrote is worth reading. Always great stuff. __________________ Fumo ergo sum.

09-26-2009, 02:13 PM	#12
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Good one!! __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

09-26-2009, 02:15 PM	#13
dogface_313 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 Maybe I am showing my youth, but I have never heard of him. After reading this I think I may have to look him up.

09-26-2009, 05:32 PM	#15
Thaplumbr Feeling at Home Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Leroy Location: Jacksonville Arkansas Posts: 585 Trading: (58)	Re: Lewis Grizzard: "How to treat a Woman" circa 1 One of my favorite books was"shoot low there riding shetland ponies", got a pretty good selection of his hardbacks! __________________ Proud to be a TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS FAN!!