Dr Pun

[MajorCaptSilly]

Two pieces of rope walked by a bar. One piece of rope says to the other "I'd like to go in and have a beer". The other piece of ropes says "They don't serve rope in that bar". The 1st piece of rope says "I'm going to give it a try". He walks in and says "barkeep, give me a beer.". The barkeep says "Are you a peice of rope?". The piece of rope says "Yes". The barkeep says "Get out, we don't serve rope here!". The piece of rope goes out and rejoins his friend and says "I really want a beer". The piece of rope then ties himself into a knot and pulls all the strings at one of his ends into a big mess. He then walks into the bar:

Rope: "Barkeep, give me a beer"
Barkeep: "Are you a piece of rope?"
Rope: "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

MCS

[Commander Quan]

A bear walked into a bar and sat down. He banged on the bar with his paw and demanded a beer.

The bartender approached and said, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, becoming angry, once again demanded a beer.

The bartender again told him, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, very angry now, said, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender once again said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear went to the end of the bar and, as he had promised, ate the woman. He came back to his seat, and again demanded a beer.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana, that are on drugs."

The bear said, " I'm not on drugs."

The bartender said, "Yes you are. That was a bar b!tch you ate."

[JaKaacH]

WILD WAY TO FIX AC


Smitty was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work. The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and besides, he didn't have to be paid.


One day, Smitty got a call from a customer who said his air conditioner had broken down. Smitty went over and discovered some defective ducting. The customer asked if it would be hard to fix.



"No problem," replied Smitty, "I have a little duct ape that will take care of it!"

[JaKaacH]

A BELL-Y SHAKER
For years, the campanile rang beautifully, under the guidance of a master bell ringer. But one day, the bell ringer fell from the tower, dying instantly.

The distraught bishop advertised for a replacement. The next day, the bell ringer's brother appeared and requested an audition. The bishop sadly took him to the tower.

As the man bent to lift the hammer, he suffered a heart attack. He, too, plunged to his death.
A monk ran up the stairs and said to the bishop, "My God! How terrible! What was his name?"
Replied the weeping bishop, "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother!"