Garcia Y Vega

[itsme_timd]

Run, run away from that cigar as fast as you can. Here is a "review" I posted of the Game Green on another forum.

Game Green to be more specific. A lovely little 2-pack I picked up at my B&M, errrrrr... the gas station.

Since these were behind the counter it was difficult for me to choose which one to get, I asked the clerk what flavors he had and he said "wine, vanilla, green and peach". Oh hell yes, I have to see what flavor "green" is. I'll take a pack of those. So with a smile on my face and great anticipation I took my Game Green cigars, 1 gallon of gas, pack of beef jerky and caffeine free Diet Coke and headed out. Sweet...

Once the evening cyberherf rolled around I couldn't wait to try one of these - at first it was a toss up between a DPG Blue and the Game cigar but then I said "Wait, WTF am I thinking? I've - got - GAME!" So, I tore the top tab off the pouch, unsnapped the ziploc top (they are recloseable to retain freshness) and slid one of these beauties out of the pouch. The first thing you notice is the amazingly green wrapper, they say it is a quick-cured candela but I suspect it may have been aged in left over nuclear waste barrels.

WOW! I repeat... WOW! The aroma of this is hard to describe, even harder to type as it was burning my eyes as well as my nose. Picture this... an MMA fighter wraps his hands in tape then dips them in nutmeg, honey, pancake syrup and pecans then repeatedly punches you in the mouth, nose and eye sockets - that is probably as close as you can get to the sensation of smelling a Game Green cigar.

The cold draw on this is very open thanks to the large penis hole positioned in the center of the amazingly phallic mushroom cap. To complete the penis-themed cigar there's a large vein running down from the cap - they could not have made a more penisish cigar if they tried. I submit the following photos as evidence.

No man should ever put one of these cigars in his mouth. But, for the benefit of my brothers here - I'm going to light this thing up. Toasting the foot of this cigar is really not necessary, as soon as you touch it with the flame it lights up like JJ at a Miley Cyrus concert. FWOOM!!!

I took a couple puffs on the Game and I really and truly can't describe the sensation that I got, it's probably best to just share some pictures of my reaction...

Yeah.... exactly. Smoking this was like taking it to the next level of pain. Picture that same MMA fighter going to IHOP with you and you ordering the short stack and then you drench that with butter pecan syrup. You go to take a bite and Mr. MMA begins ramming your face into the plate of pancakes repeatedly - that's what you get out of this cigar.

Let's review what we've got here...
Filler: Cleveland
Binder: Detroit
Wrapper: Chernobyl
Size 4 1/2" x 32RG
Cutter: No cutter needed, the phallic cigar already has a nice penis hole in it
Drink: I recommend bleach.

SUMMARY
These cigars should be made illegal and the folks and Garcia y Vega should be beaten to make sure they don't do this again. There is no reason under the sun that any human should ever smoke one of these - unless you are stranded in the wilderness in Montana and you are attempting to leave a scent trail that bloodhounds can pick up from 100 miles away.