Mr Bill's Pipe shop in Vegas

[cthulnado]

I went to Las Vegas once...

I was playing blackjack at the Venetian and doing really well. I decided to bring $200 to the casino because it is what I could afford to lose at the time. Every single hand went my way. I ended up at $4500 and decided I was done. I hardly ever gamble and the fact that I was up over $4000 blew my mind. I cashed out and asked the concierge for the best scotch bar in town.

I headed over to Mandalay Bay to the Ri Ra Irish Pub. They had a bottle of Macallan 1939 at $500 a pour. I'm a scotch guy, and while I like Islays most of the time, I couldn't turn down a chance to taste a 40 year old scotch. The waitress brought it over to me and I took my first sip. It was like drinking the tears of a thousand Scottish virgins weeping over the corpse of a unicorn. It took me over an hour to drink that single pour of scotch. I dream about it. Sometimes I think about the taste of that scotch when I make love to my wife. It was good. Really ****ing good.

I still had $4000 left and decided to just head back to the hotel. My head was buzzing from my 40 year old scotch and the fact that I won so much money. I felt good. I felt real good. I wanted to keep that feeling going...so I called an escort service... I didn't really have any preference so I just went up to my room and waited... and waited... it took 2 hours for them to send someone over. I opened the door and..we got started.

It was pretty mind blowing. I can't even explain to you what it was like. I had only requested an hour though, and it went by way too fast. I realized I had never asked what the prices were and thought about all my sweet sweet money when I asked her the price. She looked me in the eyes and said "About tree fiddy." That's when I realized that this prostitute was a 8 story tall lizard from the protozoic era! I look her right in the eyes and said "God damnit, Loch Ness Monster, you ain't gonna get my tree fiddy!" and threw her out of my hotel room. I locked the door, put my cash in the room safe, took a shower to wash the lizard funk off of my junk and went to bed.

True story.