Some Good Ones...

[cmitch]

My wife told me to give her 10 inches and make it hurt. So, I cracked her twice and then hit her over the head with a lamp.

My wife wanted anal sex to be more enjoyable so we went to a sex therapist. He explained if I was doing it right, when she orgasmed, her ass would tighten up. We went back to visit the following week and he asked how it was. "it was great!" quipped my wife. "What was your asshole doing while you were having an orgasm?"
"Oh, he was at home, keeping the kids!"

I rolled over and asked my wife to give me some washing machine. She told me I wasn't getting anything from her until I learned to call 'it' by it's proper name. About 15 minutes later, she said, "Oh, alright! You can have it."
"Too late babe. Done washed a load by hand!"