Parents: help needed

[awsmith4]

Originally Posted by mariogolbee

This approach, if done correctly, will work for SOME kids. For some it does the complete opposite and causes serious damage to relationships. I'll give you two personal examples of where it didn't work.

All of my life I have had horrible allergy/sinus issues. When I was a child my doctor said I had the worse case of allergies he'd seen in any man, woman, or child. So, I've always had a little "snort" of sorts. If I don't snort I can't breathe right. Well, sitting in my 1st grade class in Catholic school the nun teaching it would tell me not to do that. I couldn't stop. She proceeded to hit me with a ruler/yard stick across the hands. I didn't like that and after several of her attempts to correct my "behavior" I told the old b!tch to f*ck off. She proceeded to wash my mouth out with soap. Well, I couldn't do anything physically to this hooded bully, so I cussed her out as much as I could until I was suspended. My parents took me out of the school soon afterward. As for the nun, she was supposed to represent God. Because of her actions, and the constant sermons of Hell, Satan, and punishment, I began to associate God with anger, hate, and abuse. I never looked back at the Catholic church once I left and only returned to God 20 years later after hearing the loving side of the story and witnessing some of the finer points of some believers actions.

Now that I typed it out I'll PM the second example so that it's not hanging out on the interweb forever for everyone to see.

The point is, physical discipline works for some and not for others, physical punishment for none, and physical discipline can actually make one associate you in a way that you don't want. The reason it works for some is measurable psychologically, but I won't go into that, but it can cause far more harm than good.

I believe that physical should be a last resort, but for some young kids they need the quick association of consequences. I do however believe that ONLY a parent or grandparent should ever spank and a grandparent should only do so if the parent allows it. If a teacher, nun or not, had ever struck me I would have had a similar reaction. I also think that as soon as a child can understand restrictive punishment that spanking should stop. As a grade school kid or older if something dear to me was taken then I responded much more readily.

I do think that consistency is the absolute key to any form of discipline, if a kid gets away with it sometimes but not others they will keep testing and eventually doubt your authority.