[Tikihut27]

1. Can you cry under water? Yes
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Assassination is defined as murder for political reasons
3. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? No
4. Why does a round pizza come in a square box...? Square boxes are cheaper to make
5. What disease did cured ham actually have? Swine fever
6. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? In the good old days, advancement of mankind was more imortant than advancements in laziness
7. Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? Maybe they were dreaming about b00bies...
8. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Movies are permanent, TV is (was) transitory
9. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? So they can pretend to drop pennies on them
10. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway... Who wants to look at you naked longer than they have to?
11. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Clothing for the lower half of the body is plural (pants, slacks, etc) unless there is only one opening for the legs (skirt, kilt). Clothing for the upper part of the body is singular.
12. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? That setting is for when your little kids make you breakfast in bed for your birthday
13. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Actually, the song says "I don't care, which implies someone else does. Possibly the owner of the corn.
14. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Atomic testing
15. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? It is a by-product of baby powder production.
16. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Since little kids are familiar with the tune, it makes the ABC's easier to learn.
17. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Because I have an excellent singing voice.
18. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Because the air outside smells better, Dorito-breath.
19. Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? On the hopes that the static electricity thus generated will charge the batteries
20. Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Because you have to pay it eventually, you deadbeat
21. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Because nobody believes anything you say, but it's too hard to count the stars. BTW, there are assumed to be 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (300 sextillion) stars in the universe.
22. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? To protect the person doing the injecting.
23. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Cheeta over-grooms him there.
24. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? He doesn't want the revolver to get damaged.
25. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? They look cool.
26. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Homo Sapiens are not evolved from modern apes. You need to study more.
27. Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Wow, man. I can see all kinds of colors. But it helps to be stoned.
28. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? No.
29. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Because they might not have seen that slice of cake back there.
30. Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Because that is easier than walking to the garbage can.
31. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? It will. If you are trying to open it from the wrong end.
32. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? They are shipped that way from the manufacturer.
33. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Because you are a clumsy oaf.
34. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? To prove our mastery over the environment.
35. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Because he used to clean his guns when we came to take his daughter out on a date.
36. The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. Sorry. All three of them are nuttier than a jar of Planter's Dry Roasted.