[shilala]

About 10 years ago I used to have anxiety attacks and migraines. The migraines were from the tons of caffiene I took in.
The anxiety attacks would end me up in the ER and they'd draw blood gas because they thought I was having a heart attack. That hurts like hell.
I also had seasonal depression that turned into suicidal depression.
I drank a case of beer a day and tried every drug in the book. Most of them made me puke, so I had to double up.
Long story short...
A guy told me that anxiety comes from looking into the future.
Depression comes from looking into the past.
If I stay in the moment, I can cope. That's as much as I can handle.
It made sense. So I went and got a lot of help from people who had learned how to think in a manner that wasn't killing them, adopted a bunch of perspectives I didn't want to, and found a God that I hadn't wanted.
All that stuff allowed me to become willing to learn how to "stay in the moment". The anxiety has been gone for about five years, the depression hung on a bit longer.

It is absolutely amazing to me that the way I thought made me so incredibly sick.
If I hadn't lived it, I honestly wouldn't believe it. I learned how to think from my Dad, and he's a 100% hopeless alcoholic, and ready for an early grave himself. So it made sense I was in the shape I was in. I just did like I was taught.
I should mention that if it all hadn't been fixed by just learning how to think differently, I'd have never believed that, either. It took a long time, too. A few years of practicing. But it got better slowly. The drugs helped along the way. The one that finally worked for me was serzone. It settled my head down just enough so that I could think straight and listen and accept some reason.