[Blueface]

I was pretty excited when my wife sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic, it turns out that she loves Alan, my best friend..

I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. They're brilliant...It makes the wife look like she's actually moving during sex.

I was watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and I suddenly yell
"No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool..!"
My wife asks, "What are you watching?"
I replied "Our wedding video".

I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper" "Don't be silly," she said "You can borrow my iPad"
That spider never knew what the heck hit it.

I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform but she says she doesn't like it.
She says that it makes her sleepy and her butt sore.