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Old 06-04-2011, 07:43 AM   #11
alexa071
Living the High Life
 
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Join Date: May 2010
First Name: Randy
Location: MN
Posts: 112
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RyJ
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Default Re: Could use some help.

Quote:
vision to travel and talk to youth ... Giving them opportunity to explore themselves
You might want to SPECIFICALLY rewrite this passage in your "about" section. I understand what you are trying to say but it comes across as a bit creepy.

Quote:
What makes Corey different from other speaks? Answer is simple, he's Corey.
I think you need to set yourself apart more than just saying that you are a different person. Your arguments following that statement could use some bolstering.

Also... count me in for changing to 1st person and there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors that need to be fixed.

Good luck!

Randy
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