Random Advice Thread
 

We've all heard the advice of the great thinkers. Old Saws like "a penny saved is a penny earned" and "A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush".

Now it's time for us everyday thinkers to expand the wisdom of the common man.

I'll start with:

Always smell the milk in the jug before you drink from it.

(This should be self exclamatory to anyone who has ever turned the jug up and ended up with a mouth full of yuck!)

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Always proof read your posts and TITLES before hitting submit. :tu

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Don't zip up too fast or you might not like the results

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Stay in school, and be a thinker, not a stinker

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Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Tis always better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

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The early bird gets the worm (but the second mouse gets the cheese)

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Don't drink turpentine and piss on brush fire!

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Just because you can, doesn't mean you should :tu

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It's easier to get forgiveness than permission. This is what I tell myself every time i make a cigar purchase. I know you know what I'm talking about. :D

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never mow another man's lawn!

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Heard this one the other day from an older co-worker. It was new to me.

"If it flies, floats, or fornicates; rent it."

And then there is the 7 Ps.
Surely someone in the Asylum here knows that one... :ss

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Never stick your fingers where you wouldn't stick your face.......

Think about it... its good advice....


Mark

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Random Joan advice:

- Watch where you put down that hot heat gun; it CAN ignite the oily rag between your feet you just used to catch some dripping gear oil.

- Let your girl drive the boat sometimes.

- 50cal ammo cans make GREAT Barbie Doll play houses! :r

- Life is too short for regrets, complaining, or bad cigars. :chr:

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Never squat with spurs on or pee on the electric fence.

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Don't eat the yellow snow... :ss

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MOST excellent! :tu

[big kiss gif]

:)

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If you can't pi$$ off your back porch you're living in the wrong neighborhood.

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Listen to your parents, they actually know something.

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Dude, I peed a little!

Which brings me to....

Always wear clean underwear.

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Or Depends:ss

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when in doubt empty the mag

If it's raining and you've got an umbrella (rain coat) find some chick who needs an umbrella, and ask if you can share the cab ... In my former days as a life taker and a heart breaker... worked EVERY TIME.

It's better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

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Life's too short to worry about how short life is.

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Measure twice, cut once. Otherwise you need a board stretcher. :hm

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two words: SMOKE OFTEN

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Don't fry bacon with your shirt off.
Don't tease the cat when not wearing pants.

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Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

So says my dear old Dad.

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It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Use your head for something other than a hat rack.

Better to burp it and taste it rather than ... ohhh never mind. :D

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Brilliant! :tu

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Don't way in private what you wouldn't say in public

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You can't please everyone, so you might as well decide who you're gonna piss off and have fun doing it!

(My motto for dealing with unrealistic project managers)

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My dad always told me to "want" in one hand and "poop" in the other and see which one filled up first.

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"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort" - Herm Albright

Thought that was a great quote I saw a few years back.

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Never go in the woods without enough gun to kill anything you will come across.

No Fat Chicks

If you are going to fail.. Might as well go down inverted, spinning, with your hair on fire. (as per my college roommate)

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Life's experience:

You will ALWAYS need the useless piece of junk from the workshop that you discarded the day before the last trash pick-up.

Duct Tape, Bailing wire and WD-40. If these don't fix it, time for a cigar.

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Life. The only teacher that kills all of it's students.

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Unless you're the lead dog the view is always the same.

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Be nice to restaraunt workers. You never know what they may do to your food in the kitchen.

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When it comes to dating, do not fight out of your weight class. :tu

Appreciate what you have as it can change in a minute :mad:

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and for those that don't



Wait, that is 6... I must have missed one....

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No one dies a virign, life screws us all------very old school criminal justice professor.

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if you're a guest in someone's home, courtesy flush, truuuust me

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Ya got to kill it before ya can grill it.

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It's good to have goals.

or

Be a doer, not a viewer (my Grandmother always said that).


Never put ANYTHING in writing that you wouldn't want someone else to see.

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Bill, my friend.
Yes? Ted, my friend.
This has been a most excellent adventure.

Haha stupid but funny movie

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A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

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I say it all the time but nobody listens.

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Don't pee upwind.

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

and something about trusting your first instinct.

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Aim small miss small.

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People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!!!:tu