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-   -   I need girl help please! (http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=16901)

smokeyandthebandit05 06-12-2009 10:49 AM
I need girl help please!
 
If anyone can help please shoot me a PM. I dont know if I should post the story here but any help is welcomed!

I know I can trust you guys for some good advice lol





----------------
Now playing: Eric Church - Before She Does
via FoxyTunes

RGD. 06-12-2009 11:29 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
She is right - you are wrong. Anything else I can help with just let me know -



:ss


Ron

LasciviousXXX 06-12-2009 11:30 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
ROFL!

Good luck brother. The woman is a mystery I don't think I'll ever unravel.....well maybe clothing wise but other than that...... :banger

mrreindeer 06-12-2009 11:34 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
LINE UP BUDDY! :r

Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD. (Post 420721)
She is right - you are wrong. Anything else I can help with just let me know -
:r:r:r:r

So true, so true, so funny, so sad, so funny it hurts.

I just got in a full on hormonal argument (mrsreindeer is 28 weeks pregnant) at the airport on Tuesday coming home because mrsreindeer wanted to eat her breakfast sandwich at a table and not in a seat near our gate at about the time we needed to start lining up to board. Seriously, wtf. I'm sitting there wondering if this is actually happening.

I just shut up and bit my tongue.

D_A 06-12-2009 12:01 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD. (Post 420721)
She is right - you are wrong. Anything else I can help with just let me know -
What he said. And flowers usually help too.:)

kzm007 06-12-2009 12:05 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_A (Post 420782)
What he said. And flowers usually help too.:)
I know a girl that hates flowers and I know a girl that hates chocolate.

*sobbing* there go my aces from under my sleeve :'( I have nothing now but charm...and someone told me once that I was sweet, but I had a grandiose way of speakin'.

I was utterly dismayed and absolutely flabbergasted :) sigh.

tobii3 06-12-2009 12:10 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
1. Crying is blackmail.

2. Anything we said more than 12 hours ago is inadmissible in a court of law.

3. We don't complain about the seat being down. Why do they complain about it being up?

4. She has too many shoes

5. She has too many purses

6. If you don't want to hear the answer you already know, don't ask the question. (i.e. does this make me look fat?)

7. We have three emotions. Happy, Horny and Hungry. That's it.

Any more advice needed???

csbrewfisher 06-12-2009 12:11 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Whatever you did, apologize.

Whatever you didn't do but she thinks you did, apologize.

Seriously, club her over the head, drag her by the hair into the man-cave, and give her what she really wants.

No, don't do that, she'll hand your a$$ to you.

rizzle 06-12-2009 12:48 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrreindeer (Post 420730)
LINE UP BUDDY!

:r:r:r:r

So true, so true, so funny, so sad, so funny it hurts.

I just got in a full on hormonal argument (mrsreindeer is 28 weeks pregnant) at the airport on Tuesday coming home because mrsreindeer wanted to eat her breakfast sandwich at a table and not in a seat near our gate at about the time we needed to start lining up to board. Seriously, wtf. I'm sitting there wondering if this is actually happening.

I just shut up and bit my tongue.
David, you have to dig/think deeper in order to understand. She wasn't pissed at where she was eating, she was pissed she was eating a breakfast sammich and not an ice cream sammich. Been there, done that. Enjoy!
:wo

BC-Axeman 06-12-2009 12:50 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
If you try any advice and it works, consider yourself just lucky, not skilled.
Too bad it's not easy to repair or replace females when they seem to be malfunctioning. ;)

htown 06-12-2009 12:57 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
They all have snakes in their heads.

ActionAndy 06-12-2009 01:15 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BC-Axeman (Post 420859)
If you try any advice and it works, consider yourself just lucky, not skilled.
Too bad it's not easy to repair or replace females when they seem to be malfunctioning. ;)
They are easy to replace. They're half the planet ;).

Unlike most of the people above, I'm going to tell you this: if you weren't wrong, don't apologize. She's not a Princess, and you're not her father--you don't need to love her unconditionally.


That being said we don't have any details.

Waynegro1 06-12-2009 01:43 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrreindeer (Post 420730)
LINE UP BUDDY!



:r:r

So true, so true, so funny, so sad, so funny it hurts.

I just got in a full on hormonal argument (mrsreindeer is 28 weeks pregnant) at the airport on Tuesday coming home because mrsreindeer wanted to eat her breakfast sandwich at a table and not in a seat near our gate at about the time we needed to start lining up to board. Seriously, wtf. I'm sitting there wondering if this is actually happening.

I just shut up and bit my tongue.
:tpd:
I like your hair any way you wear it. :rolleyes:

JaKaacH 06-12-2009 02:04 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
:D
World's shortest fairytale:
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and smoked really expensive cigars in the house and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
:dance:

The Poet 06-12-2009 02:04 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
My wife doesn't bug me - and neither does her four daughters.

TanithT 06-12-2009 03:05 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Well, if you want a gal's perspective, you are welcome to bend my ear. :ss

Cigary 06-12-2009 03:22 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrreindeer (Post 420730)
LINE UP BUDDY! :r



:r:r:r:r

So true, so true, so funny, so sad, so funny it hurts.

I just got in a full on hormonal argument (mrsreindeer is 28 weeks pregnant) at the airport on Tuesday coming home because mrsreindeer wanted to eat her breakfast sandwich at a table and not in a seat near our gate at about the time we needed to start lining up to board. Seriously, wtf. I'm sitting there wondering if this is actually happening.

I just shut up and bit my tongue.
ROFL,,,,isn't it fun to have a "tiff" in the public venues like airports, grocery stores, malls because you have to smile while you are venting like a steam engine train? The wife and I are in Maui and she wants to see the damn Crater before we go board our flight,,,we have 4 hours and the Crater is 1and 1/2 hours away,,,do the math,,,we still have to turn in the rental car,,,get our bags,,etc etc. Im driving the car like Speed F'n Racer both ways while arguing about the time. Am I freaking Superman who can fly backwards around the earth to turn back time,,,she was not amused esp. while I was saying that at the Crater and everyone is listening to me.

csbrewfisher 06-12-2009 03:22 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TanithT (Post 421045)
Well, if you want a gal's perspective, you are welcome to bend my ear. :ss
:r:r:r:r

Cigary 06-12-2009 03:23 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaKaacH (Post 420951)
:D
World's shortest fairytale:
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and smoked really expensive cigars in the house and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
:dance:
HA HA HA,,,,why didn't I hear this one when I was a kid?

BradNC 06-12-2009 03:30 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Poet (Post 420952)
My wife doesn't bug me - and neither does her four daughters.
LOL :r:r

Rabidsquirrel 06-12-2009 03:34 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaKaacH (Post 420951)
farted whenever he wanted.
Being married is supposed to stop that?

I guess I've been doing it wrong. :r

TanithT 06-12-2009 04:11 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaKaacH (Post 420951)
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and smoked really expensive cigars in the house and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
So if you want to have all this AND get laid regularly, make sure that anyone you marry shares your favorite hobbies and is also cool enough to be okay with the ones you don't share.

About the toilet seat, I can't help you. Guys have no idea how distressing it is to stumble to the potty in the middle of the night, half asleep in the dark, and sit down with an unexpected splash. Separate bathrooms will solve the issue, or installing a urinal. But having my toilet set up for my anatomical configuration is a non negotiable. You're perfectly welcome to have your own toilet, but leave mine with the seat down or else. And by "or else" I mean that when I come back from the bathroom with my ass cold and disgustingly dripping because you left the seat up and didn't flush, I will sit on you. You have been warned. :D

I do however love fishing and hunting and cigars. I don't care much for golf but I'll happily smoke your expensive cigars while you are playing. :ss

PS - if you fart, I'll probably light it with my torch and laugh my ass off. :r

The Poet 06-12-2009 04:14 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
You will sit on me? Promise?

csbrewfisher 06-12-2009 04:14 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TanithT (Post 421118)
About the toilet seat...
Will you please put it back up when you're finished?

TanithT 06-12-2009 04:25 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Poet (Post 421125)
You will sit on me? Promise?
Not unless you're proposing to marry me. In which case, please send pictures. Of your humidors, that is. :r

The Poet 06-12-2009 04:29 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Ahhhh, you're no fun. ;)

BrokenSkeg 06-12-2009 10:40 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TanithT (Post 421118)
So if you want to have all this AND get laid regularly, make sure that anyone you marry shares your favorite hobbies and is also cool enough to be okay with the ones you don't share.
Having different interests is totally cool. She likes to cook, I like to grill and burn food. She likes being a vegitarian, I like beef. I smoke cigars, she doesn't. I drink scotch, she drinks wine.

The only hobby of mine she doesn't like is me watching other pretty women. I believe she'd rather castrate me than allow that to happen when she's around. What was it that Carter said?
"Ok to lust in your mind?" ummm not so much.:confused:

kugie 06-12-2009 11:05 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Step up be a man

Hold on wife is calling
Me: Yes dear
her: What did you Say!?
me: I'm taking out the trash
Her: Good!

As i Was saying ya gotta step up show her who's boss

She's calling, gotta go
Plase please Please don't tell her I said this

GTCanuk 06-13-2009 06:51 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
What happens when you put the lid down too?


Quote:
Originally Posted by TanithT (Post 421118)
So if you want to have all this AND get laid regularly, make sure that anyone you marry shares your favorite hobbies and is also cool enough to be okay with the ones you don't share.

About the toilet seat, I can't help you. Guys have no idea how distressing it is to stumble to the potty in the middle of the night, half asleep in the dark, and sit down with an unexpected splash. Separate bathrooms will solve the issue, or installing a urinal. But having my toilet set up for my anatomical configuration is a non negotiable. You're perfectly welcome to have your own toilet, but leave mine with the seat down or else. And by "or else" I mean that when I come back from the bathroom with my ass cold and disgustingly dripping because you left the seat up and didn't flush, I will sit on you. You have been warned. :D

I do however love fishing and hunting and cigars. I don't care much for golf but I'll happily smoke your expensive cigars while you are playing. :ss

PS - if you fart, I'll probably light it with my torch and laugh my ass off. :r

Rabidsquirrel 06-13-2009 01:23 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
I think women fail to realize that they do indeed have arms, and said arms are quite capable of lowering the seat themselves.

kelmac07 06-13-2009 02:43 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobii3 (Post 420798)
1. Crying is blackmail.

2. Anything we said more than 12 hours ago is inadmissible in a court of law.

3. We don't complain about the seat being down. Why do they complain about it being up?

4. She has too many shoes

5. She has too many purses

6. If you don't want to hear the answer you already know, don't ask the question. (i.e. does this make me look fat?)

7. We have three emotions. Happy, Horny and Hungry. That's it.

Any more advice needed???
Do not forget..."Babe, you are NOT fat!"

TanithT 06-13-2009 03:28 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabidsquirrel (Post 422325)
I think women fail to realize that they do indeed have arms, and said arms are quite capable of lowering the seat themselves.
Guys have arms too. At least I hope you guys do, because otherwise cigar smoking is gonna be tough. :D

smokeyandthebandit05 06-15-2009 12:24 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
So far Ive gotten some pretty good advice :tu

macpappy 06-15-2009 06:28 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by csbrewfisher (Post 421126)
Will you please put it back up when you're finished?
They yell at you when you don't put it back down but then they yell at you when you don't put it up. There is just no pleasing them...

smokeyandthebandit05 06-15-2009 07:28 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by macpappy (Post 423895)
They yell at you when you don't put it back down but then they yell at you when you don't put it up. There is just no pleasing them...

I think the only solution to the problem is to buy one of them automatic seats lol

http://www.plumbingsupply.com/automa...let-seats.html



----------------
Now playing: Kenny Chesney - Out Last Night
via FoxyTunes

ratpack 06-15-2009 07:33 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Oh brotha,

They are such a treat! Most of the time just let her think she is right. You and I both know, along with all of the other men out there, they try to gig us into some kind of ordeal and then we end up getting pissed. These creatures are trained from the day they get out of the womb to try and push the fellow man to his limits!! Have a drink and smoke one up tonight!

kugie 06-15-2009 06:10 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
I'll put the seat down if she puts it up.
It's a two way street

Starscream 06-15-2009 06:18 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by csbrewfisher (Post 420800)
Whatever you did, apologize.

Whatever you didn't do but she thinks you did, apologize.
:tpd:
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaKaacH (Post 420951)
:D
World's shortest fairytale:
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and smoked really expensive cigars in the house and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
:dance:
Sounds like a perfect world!:tu

BUCASmoker 06-15-2009 06:26 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD. (Post 420721)
She is right - you are wrong. Anything else I can help with just let me know -



:ss


Ron
Truer words havent been spoken.

You may think otherwise, but she'll get her way eventually ;)

BUCASmoker 06-15-2009 06:36 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
When you hear, "Let's go for a drink", what do you think?

http://www.brandinfection.com/wp-con...me-600x425.jpg
http://www.toilette-humor.com/images...ials/beer2.jpg
And, more pertinent to the toilet conversation:
http://www.toilette-humor.com/images...ials/beer3.jpg

wrench turner 85 06-15-2009 06:44 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Dude, stand up tell her that your the man and what you say go's!!! then pull out the playboys and a bottle of jergens and have a good night, because you'll be spending the night by yourself.:r trust me she comme back...maby:confused:

mikeyj23 06-15-2009 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wrench turner 85 (Post 424886)
Dude, stand up tell her that your the man and what you say go's!!! then pull out the playboys and a bottle of jergens and have a good night, because you'll be spending the night by yourself.:r trust me she comme back...maby:confused:
um...
Posted via Mobile Device

mrreindeer 06-16-2009 08:57 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rizzle (Post 420854)
David, you have to dig/think deeper in order to understand. She wasn't pissed at where she was eating, she was pissed she was eating a breakfast sammich and not an ice cream sammich. Been there, done that. Enjoy!
:r hahahaa

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynegro1 (Post 420925)
I like your hair any way you wear it.
:D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cigary (Post 421063)
Am I freaking Superman who can fly backwards around the earth
Wait a sec Gary, I thought you were....

Quote:
Originally Posted by BUCASmoker (Post 424875)
When you hear, "Let's go for a drink", what do you think?

http://www.brandinfection.com/wp-con...me-600x425.jpg
http://www.toilette-humor.com/images...ials/beer2.jpg
And, more pertinent to the toilet conversation:
http://www.toilette-humor.com/images...ials/beer3.jpg
OMG, rolling....awesome.

Silound 06-16-2009 10:29 AM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Best thing in life you can find is a woman who is well grounded and practical. No issues will ever arise that you can't work out quickly and to both party's satisfaction.



I'm still looking...

Wanger 06-16-2009 12:44 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenSkeg (Post 421683)
Having different interests is totally cool. She likes to cook, I like to grill and burn food. She likes being a vegitarian, I like beef. I smoke cigars, she doesn't. I drink scotch, she drinks wine.

The only hobby of mine she doesn't like is me watching other pretty women. I believe she'd rather castrate me than allow that to happen when she's around. What was it that Carter said?
"Ok to lust in your mind?" ummm not so much.:confused:
Glad my wife isn't like that. Just ask the boys who met her at E.L.V.I.S. :D

rrplasencia 06-16-2009 12:47 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD. (Post 420721)
She is right - you are wrong. Anything else I can help with just let me know -



:ss


Ron
Ron sounds like a smart guy, if not i recommend watching ladies man and getting some tips from leon phelps.

shilala 06-16-2009 12:51 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
After an untold number of failed relationships, the best I can tell ya is that I don't have a clue.
BUT...
I finally scored a failed relationship that wasn't my fault.
So I feel like I'm finally ahead of the game.
I'm used to giving away half of my stuff all the time, too. Works out good. I don't have near as much stuff to clean.
I hope to get married soon so I can get rid of some more of this stuff. :tu

csbrewfisher 06-16-2009 12:56 PM
Re: I need girl help please!
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenSkeg (Post 421683)
The only hobby of mine she doesn't like is me watching other pretty women. I believe she'd rather castrate me than allow that to happen when she's around.
This is a classic example of a woman who is completely ignorant about men. We are wired to notice other women, and the moment we stop doing so will be the moment we stop noticing THEM too.

It's like holding up a giant sign and telling your woman NOT to read the words, just look at the sign, admire the lettering. Do not read the words. The sign says

DO NOT READ THESE WORDS

Ya think she read it? Ya think?


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