Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

You're all saying the same thing, and I agreed a long time ago...funny thing is, this thread started because I wanted to know if it was right sending her an expensive picture frame since "I don't know her."

The back story I gave, I was just trying to paint a picture of the kind of girl she is, and how we became the friends that we are. It was only supposed to put things into context so I could get a better decision, and I'm afraid people focused more on the 'issues' the triangle caused, the context itself; yes it did, but I never meant for this thread to be about the emotional baggage, or bad women.
Although, the advice I inadvertently gleaned from people telling repeated is priceless, thank you.

And I'm sorry the first question about the item got lost in the shuffle. That's what happens when you give somebody too much paperwork; sometimes, they skim it. What I mean by that is that details were emphasized that I never meant to be, and I was given advice concerning those details alone. That's where the confusion began, and that's why this thread is three pages :r because I talked too much.

I should have simply asked if giving her such a pricey gift was acceptable, and left her past, and the other girl out of it...but again, I was unsure because I have already done many things for her, as a friend. I thought a fuller story would lead to a fuller decision, you see?

I hope that makes sense now, and thank you all for the help.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Even if I was to say that it was ridiculous that you sent an expensive picture frame to a girl you've never met, the fact is that you already sent it, and you can't really take it back.

Not necessarily how I feel about it, but just stating that what's happened has happened, and even if we all told you that it was a terrible idea, you've already done it anyway.

Do what you have to do Kegan. Friends on the internet is fine, I mean we are all a part of a big online forum here, and I'm glad to call many of the people here my friend. But as far as extremely long distance/internationally dating online, my advice is to leave it as just friends. You're 20, and have a lot of time to get out there and meet people. Time better spent than hacking away at a keyboard and not being with someone in person.

So straight up my advice is stay friends if that's what you and she feel is best, but that's about all. Get out there in the world and meet somebody (yeah it takes a little getting used to at first, but that's how everyone else did it before Al Gore invented the internet...). Best of luck Kegan.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Yeah, you talk too much. Get some weed and Doritos. Go drink too much and puke in your buddy's car. You'll meet chicks and there won't be any need for picture frames.
It works. Just ask the boys. :tu

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Ah yes, the old pre-internet courtship rituals. Brings a bit of a tear to my eye just thinking about it. :rolleyes:

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Seriously, right?
It was a beautiful thing.
I met my new girlfriend in the park. Last one I met in a parking lot. I'm not sure where I met my ex-wife, cause I was drunk. Lots of expensive lessons with that one, but I wouldn't trade it for everything in the world. :)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

God I love weed...and Doritos xD thanks boys...I think ;)

Me bring flower, ugh

-Drag her by hair back to the man cave-

See, simpler times.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

That's the spirit, kid. Never drag them by their feet, they fill up with rocks. :tu

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

:r:r

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

:D:D

and always remember that if you stand them on their heads, they all like like sisters. Keeps you from getting too attached.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

-rimshot-
:r

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

tmi man :r

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

lmao

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Don't send the gift. I've had long distance relationships and I never once sent anything. It means more if you do it in person. If you 2 meet then you can do it. Until then save it. To me she isn't real unless you can see her with your own 2 eyes and then touch her.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Internet dating, thats whats wrong with people these days. :rolleyes:

If your serious about a relationship and the interenet is how you meet chicks then check out This Place they very seldom say no.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Oh. lovely. Smart-ass :r

I'll tell you what's wrong with people these days - we need tighter border security, so at least if I did go that route, she'd know English, and I wouldn't need to use a dog whistle or something to train her.

People are more than welcome to be here, all people. Just at least try and learn a country's language if you intend on living there for a lengthy amount of time, even basic conversation skills.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

lmfao...I meant rim shot! Why does that word come up misspelled on this forum, but my mistake didn't :r

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Kegan, it seems like you have a lot of good information and advice already, so I'll withhold my thoughts other than to say that you write very well. :D

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Well thanks :) I'm waiting to get shot or something for saying the wrong thing...above word not withstanding :D

And I hope I write well. I was/am an English major for two years, and will continue when I return to school after my surgery - see a related thread.

P.S to loki and Emjay; i did say rimshot the first time...somebody, cough cough, changed it on me ;)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

I just read this whole thread. All I will say is I think that there was some very good advise given here.
Seems like a little too much "once bit, twice shy". ;)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Lots of good advice in this thread... With experience comes wisdom.

After reading all of that I have to say I don't think a relationship is what you n eeed. You need to play the field a little bit.


Oh and if you ever think that someone couldn't come up with a lie that twisted to get stuff from you then your crazy. My ex-wife pretended to have breast cancer in hopes that I would come back out of sympathy. She told her family and even went so far as to take a "trip" to get the "surgery" done. Found out she was lying when she couldn't produce medical records.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Not trying to start trouble but America has no official language.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

I'm impressed at her effort, but man, what a female dog exes usually turn out to be.

There are exceptions, though :) I know. Playing the field is what I do most times. I usually get called on it lol damn refs.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Very true but we can all agree that it would be English, followed by Spanish - most phone prompts are "press one for English or two for Spanish. if a vote mattered, these make sense, but politics are stupid.

All I mean is, make sure you're able to adapt in some way if you are in a different environment. It will help both parties.

Note the Spanish phrase at the end of my link, which I merely copy/pasted to prove you were right about the language. It means whatever will be, will be - if I recall correctly.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

I've experienced no less than a dozen girlfriends who immediately became pregnant when I told them I didn't like them anymore.
Literally.
Don't be naive. I'm not at all expressing or implying that about said female in question, just letting you know they can be extremely and delicately evil, and it's not all that uncommon. Goes way, way, way back. ;)
There's a reason why they're so delicious. Otherwise there'd be a bounty on their heads.
That's why when we get lucky enough to find a good one, we hang on to them and quit being dickheads. The good ones are worth it. :tu

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Jeez Scott...cynical much? lol

I said the same thing to a guy, how women can be manipulative, and mom heard me. Had a thirty minute car ride with her telling me I lacked tact and consideration.

60% of marriages end in divorce I read somewhere else, and then found it better worded:

"About 60 percent of all marriages that eventually end in divorce do so
within the first 10 years..."

[http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html]

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

I'm not the least bit cynical. Just been there, done that.

I'm a firm believer in True Love, and am riding the wave right now. Took a lot of years and a lot of lessons to learn enough and grow up enough for it to work. It's incredible, beyond words.
I think girls grow out of that kind of crap when they become women, too.
Probably why Mom laid into your ass. :)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Bingo!!!

I think every man needs an ex-wife... It shows you how evil woman can be yet teaches you what you will and won't put up with in regards to the future women you date. And when you find the right one after that you are that much smarter and willing to make it work.

And your comment about women growing out of that is spot on. That's why my last girlfriend was 42 and the current gf and hopefully wife is 33. For the record I'm only 26. ;)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Holy chit dude...bit of a jump there :r

Weddings are too expensive though, and such a waste of time. Save your money, hit the courthouse for a license if you need one, and go on a nice vacation where you can really learn to connect to each other on all levels.

But, I'm a man. My opinion is worthless.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

And for the record, none of my relationships have been with women, if you mean maturity :D she had no right to give me that talk. Otherwise, hello Mrs. Robinson lol

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

You're gonna need that a lot later. Hang on to that. ;)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Hang onto my opinion or my "long thought processes" that help me win arguments? ;)

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Neither.
I've found that no one cares about my opinion unless they've asked for it, and there is no such thing as winning an argument, especially with a woman.
It's always best to just shut up and go get the milk.
I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Give it 20 or 30 years, and you'll remember you heard it someday. I promise. :tu

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Winning an argument with a woman partner.
Hmmmm........
Let me see..........
27 years married.
33 years together overall.
I think I find myself exactly in that range of time you reference.

Scott,
YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

The only argument I have ever won in that time are amongst the ones I have lost, which have been all. While that sounds crazy, when you win, you lose, when you lose, you lose. But once in a blue moon, when you lose, you win.

The other thing I have learned is no matter how right I think I am and how I should stick to my guns, don't. Women hold crap for ages. Men don't. So, the second you get it out of your system, start working on a resolution with her. Be the better person and bow your head in submission. Regardless of how right you are, find what you did wrong and apologize and move on. I assure you it is the secret to a long lasting relationship.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

:r
It's the Golden Rule, Carlos...
1.) She's right.
2.) If she's wrong, refer to #1.
Guys will argue about stuff, maybe even fistfight, then forget all about it and buy the guy a beer next time they come around.
Women, not so much. :D
It's not all one sided, either. Lisa is willing to talk to me. She loves me. We laugh. She enjoys my company and can't wait to see me. She thinks the sun rises and sets over me. She thinks I'm awesome.
All that and she's actually known me forever.
It's a real easy trade off. She can win all the time.
Another bonus...
She knows stuff. I ask her questions and get answers. Smart ones that work.
I can't find any reason for individuality anymore. If she and I ain't in it together, we ain't in it. :tu

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Sounds like the one for you.
Believe it or not, while my wife and I are very compatible as you state in your case, after all these years, there are still things she doesn't get about me and visa versa.
The key is to work through those minor kinks and avoid losing respect at all cost. Make your point without being offensive. Many want and long for a relationship but just don't know that a relationship means the sacrifice biting your tongue more often than not. I prefer to take it out on you guys here on CA than my wife.:r

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Scott and Carlos, a lot of sage advise given. Agree agree agree.

The only thing I will add (for an overall happy marriage/relationship) is do everything you can to not go to bed (meaning sleep :r) angry with one another. This is tough to do 100% of the time, but worth it otherwise. :2
Your back story enabled better advise IMO. My advise? No, you shouldn't have sent the expensive frame. As others have said, move on. Find someone who you can interact with face to face, close to home. Starting out on-line is fine...so long as very frequent and personal interaction is possible, and possible sooner rather than later. A very good friend of mine wasted 3 years of his life dealing with a similar long distance, on-line relationship until he finally realized it was pointless. You asked for an opinion, there's mine. :2

I couldn't disagree more. My wife and I dated in high school, through college, have now been married eleven years, have two kids and...to be honest with you...I don't think I could be happier. Am I lucky? Damn right, I am. :D

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

Same here.
I am 50 and she is 49.
We met when I was 17 and she had just turned 16.
Had a brief breakup after our initial six months of dating, that lasted for 6 months also, due to my feuding with her mom and deciding to move on elsewhere.

Aside from what I have commented for my personal relationship success, I think it is important to also NEVER, EVER see it as a solid, secure relationship.
ALWAYS view it as what it is, very fragile. It can fall apart at any moment on any given day. With that in mind, you better understand that in order to not allow it to end, you need to continue to work at it. As I jokingly tell my wife every anniversary now for the past 27 years, "honey, I accept to renew our lease for one more year, for one more day at a time".

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious i
 

I agree with Laura above. And I didn't even read your entire post. My eyes began to hurt after the first couple minutes.

In this day and age with the internet so readily available, I think some rely on it TOO much for certain things. There was life and relationships BEFORE the internet. Heck, marriage and relationship statistics were much better before the internet was in everyone's homes.

I don't know you. But I am sure there are plenty of women where you live. If you feel the need to go to the internet to meet women and never even meet them face to face, then you are opening yourself to all the BS they come with.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

while all the comments on marriage and the "Blueface Principle" are great, I don't think Keegan was going to pursue a relationship with either of these gals....


I hope.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

True.
I think we digressed a tad.:D

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Just to make sure I got it right, the "Blueface Principle" states that marriage is like a car lease; you have the option to renew it every few years, right???

Is there a .pdf file of this principle available for download?

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

I wrote the darn manual Pete.:r
Will send you an autographed copy.

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

This thread makes me hungry.

MCS

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

I did read your original post but I will admit that I was too lazy to read all 5 pages of replies, but like others have mentioned about your first post there are too many red flags. I apologize if I sound like a douche saying this but it sounds like she is working you. Not sure of the time frame of everything that has happened to her but your post makes it seem fairly recent but that's a whole lot of drama for one person in such a short time frame. Almost like she is tugging at your heart strings and making you feel bad. I could be completely wrong and I have been known to be a bit on the cynical side so I could be way off base with that comment but you have no real way of checking the facts. I did the internet thing many years ago once sort of unintentionally and never again. Girl was super smoking hot and that should have been a red flag out of the gate but she came with a full bag and a chit load of drama. No thank you, gave it a few weeks and ran to the door. Your 20, get out there and meet a local girl. You'll eventually find a good one. Hopefully you don't end up like me and end up having to go through a sea of psychos to find the right one for ya. Sounds to me like you have too much invested already in a girl that is too far away. Go out with your buddies and don't look so hard, and have fun in the meantime. You don't have to marry every one you meet. I apologize to the woman here in advance but remember, for every single woman out there no matter how gorgeous ,there is a man who is sick and tired of her chit.(For the woman, It can work both ways) Go out, Have fun and when you meet the right one you'll know it. Enjoy your youth while you still have it. One day you'll look back and laugh about all of this crap and think to yourself, "What was I thinking."

Re: Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue
 

Agreed. And as for the molestation, she was six. And there is proof of it besides her telling me. She listened in on a phone call accidentally one day when I was on MSN - she picked up the phone and her grandfather was talking to his sister about the SOB...it was her godfather of all people. I don't know how long it went on for, but it did happen. I recently used a poor word choice referring to her ordeal and my disability, and it made it seem like I thought mine was more serious. She now hates me of course, told me it was the cruelest thing I've ever said, and she lost all respect for me.

I understand people can move on, but I love this girl, even as a friend, and I really can't stand the thought of losing that. It sickens and breaks me almost as much as what that 70 year old bastage did 14 years ago...he was about 70 then. She recently went in to testify after I tried to reason and maybe convinced her, but her lawyer ended up telling her the evidence was too slim, so the old man won again. She used to love me, deeply, but I tried the local route...a little late in our relationship, she was going to come up a few months ago, but she wouldn't, especially not now. Before it was shyness and insecurity; now it's hatred and disgust.

And people wonder why I'm so depressed any more. I try to save the world I guess. I know I can't, but I try. She's worth trying for. Always will be.

So that's the roughest jist of it, John. The girl from Florida did use me I guess, but Canada did nothing.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go take an anti-depressant that isn't working...seeing the doctor tomorrow...and a painkiller for my back. Thank you all for your support, and may God bless you for it. Somebody needs help somewhere, and its not me in the least. Night.

The other girl? Just a mistake. For the record, the anonymity of a forum is easier than having a therapist stare at me and besides, I don't have the time currently, with physical problems, or the money.