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massphatness
11-02-2017, 12:10 PM
A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, "The usual?"

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad", says the guy.

"Me too," says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $42.62."

Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the guy, "several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the guy.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The guy sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Porch Dweller
11-02-2017, 12:34 PM
:D

Steve
11-02-2017, 12:49 PM
:lr:lr

CigarNut
11-02-2017, 01:07 PM
:r :r

johnbljr
11-02-2017, 01:30 PM
:r

markem
11-02-2017, 01:58 PM
:r

BigAsh
11-02-2017, 03:16 PM
:D

icehog3
11-02-2017, 04:46 PM
:D

G G
11-02-2017, 05:02 PM
:r