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Dave128
06-22-2017, 10:08 AM
A man in a fancy restaurant noticed that a gorgeous woman was sitting at the next table. Suddenly she sneezed, causing her glass eye to pop out and fly toward him. The man caught it mid-air.

"I'm so sorry" the woman said as she popped her eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner."

After the charming dinner conversation, the woman offered to drive the man home.

The man was flattered. "you're the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No" she responded. "You just happened to catch my eye!"

markem
06-22-2017, 10:13 AM
A man was involved in a terrible car accident. Because of the accident he lost one of his eyes. The doctor explained to him that he could get a fake eye to replace the real one. So the man agrees and chooses the least expensive. A wooden eye.

Some months pass and the mans friends come over to visit him. They are very worried because he has not been out of the house for months. They tell him that there is a party at another friends house that night. The man finally agrees to go.

When they get there people are dancing and having a good time. The man finds a seat in the corner and remains there. The friends find the man again and tell him he needs to get up and dance. Then from across the room a women appears. She is looking at the man sitting in the corner. The mans friends point her out. So he walks over to her to ask her to dance. As he gets closer he realizes she has a hair lip. He thinks to himself, what a pair we would make. My wooden eye and her hair lip.

The man walked up to the women and asked if she would like to dance? And her replay is would I, would I! He points back at her and says hair lip, hair lip.

icehog3
06-22-2017, 10:26 AM
Double! :lr :lr

CigarNut
06-22-2017, 10:41 AM
:r :r

cthulnado
06-22-2017, 10:53 AM
This isn't a safe for work joke...

A man gets laid off from the job he's had for 20 years. He is walking down the dark city streets, thinking of doing himself in when suddenly he sees an old work buddy who also was laid off that day. Instead of being depressed, his buddy is walking down the street with a big smile on his face and whistling a tune.

"What the hell man, how are you so happy?!"

"If you go down 2 blocks and turn into the alley, there is a woman there who will give you the most amazing blow job all while singing a beautiful song. I just couldn't be depressed after that!" says his friend.

The man walks down the 2 blocks and turns into the alley. It is very dark, but he can just make out the woman and a table.

"Put your money on the table" the woman says.

The man puts his money down on the table and she unzips his pants. Suddenly he is getting the best blow job of his life, all the while listening to the most beautiful song he has ever heard. He finishes up and heads home, a smile on his face and a song in his heart.

He goes back and visits the woman 3 more times over the week. On the fourth time, he gets curious and brings a flashlight with him. He goes down the alley, puts his money on the table and as she begins he gets excited and drops the flashlight. As it hits the ground, it flashes for a second and all he sees on the table is a glass eye.

Greentud
06-22-2017, 11:13 AM
and the man says "I'm going out of town but will be back in a week". She replies "I'll keep an eye out for you".