The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

[stearns]

I have no idea how I have never heard of this before, but after reading through a few of this years top entries I thought it was worth sharing, in case anybody else was no familiar. Well worth flipping through :tu

Essentially it's a contest for the best/funniest first sentence to a terrilbe fake fiction novel. Here is this years winner:

"Seeing how the victim's body, or what remained of it, was wedged between the grill of the Peterbilt 389 and the bumper of the 2008 Cadillac Escalade EXT, officer "Dirk" Dirksen wondered why reporters always used the phrase "sandwiched" to describe such a scene since there was nothing appetizing about it, but still, he thought, they might have a point because some of this would probably end up on the front of his shirt. —
Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ"

The rest are worth reading as well

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/winners.html

[icehog3]

Awesome! :lr

[The Poet]

It is a Dirk and sandwich knighthood.

[CigarNut]

Very cool!

[stearns]

Another really good one

“Don’t know no tunnels hereabout,” said the old-timer, “unless you mean the abandoned subway line that runs from Hanging Hill, under that weird ruined church, beneath the Indian burial ground, past the dilapidated Usher mansion, and out to the old abandoned asylum for the criminally insane where they had all those murders.” — Lawrence Person, Austin, TX

[Porch Dweller]

I love these!

[markem]

As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand – who would take her away from all this – and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.

"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the green sward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

[jjirons69]

Great morning giggle.

[yourchoice]

"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the green sward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

:lr