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UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 12:41 PM
I need to vent and talk about something and I just don't know where to go or who to turn to right now.........so might as well turn to the most open and big hearted group that I know of. :ss

This is my first Christmas........

Kind of odd I know but let me start out in saying that I don't want this to turn into a religious conversation AT ALL. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and never celebrated Christmas. I had a HUGE group of friends that we would still get together and all hang out, go snowboarding, have a big dinner or just something during this time of the year just to partake in some of the warmth of the holidays.

Last year I decided enough was enough. My wife and I got a divorce after 12 years and I left the religion. With leaving the religion I ended up losing EVERY ONE of my friends. Long story on how that works but they pretty much disown you if you walk away or are what they call disfellowshiped. Your family, friends everybody.

My family has been cool about it and have been accepting but they don't do Christmas. But here I am now all by myself on a day when you should be surrounded by family and friends. It's hitting me a lot harder then I thought it would. :( I've been making new friends now because I seriously had to start all over at 33 years old, ground zero, no friends and in a new town. I followed my ex wife to Reno, NV because she wanted to bring the kids here.

I just needed to vent and if anybody here has been thru this (there are a lot of ex JW's out there) then feel free to PM me but PLEASE and I plead with you DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A BASHING OF RELIGION.

Just feels better to talk about it........

This is my plan for later today, I am a photographer and I'm going to go out and take portraits of some of the homeless people in the area and listen to their stories about how they got there. I've got coffee and cookies that I'm going to pass out also. Then next year I'm going to do an exhibit with their pictures and their names and stories below. Kind of depressing but these guys have it MUCH worse then I do right now and that's what you always have to remember isn't it?

Thanks guys for a place to let people vent, a place for people to make new friends and a place for some of the best people in the world to get together. :al

borndead1
12-25-2008, 12:49 PM
At the end of the day, you gotta do what is gonna make you happy bro.


Many people wish to do the same as you've done, but don't have the balls (courage). Hopefully it will not impact your relationship with your children.

Merry Christmas. :)

DrDubzz
12-25-2008, 12:50 PM
Merry Christmas Aaron, I hope they only get better from here on out.

UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 12:59 PM
At the end of the day, you gotta do what is gonna make you happy bro.


Many people wish to do the same as you've done, but don't have the balls (courage). Hopefully it will not impact your relationship with your children.

Merry Christmas. :)


Thanks to both of you. I appreciate it. Here's to many Christmas celebrations in the future.

The biggest fear in my life is the one above. That this will impact our relationship in the future. Right now they are only 5 and 3 so they have no idea and I'm still a HUGE part of their life. I'll come to that hurdle if and when it's there.

aaron

Mugen910
12-25-2008, 01:01 PM
This is my plan for later today, I am a photographer and I'm going to go out and take portraits of some of the homeless people in the area and listen to their stories about how they got there. I've got coffee and cookies that I'm going to pass out also. Then next year I'm going to do an exhibit with their pictures and their names and stories below. Kind of depressing but these guys have it MUCH worse then I do right now and that's what you always have to remember isn't it?


This is a great and thoughtful idea!

Brother get on skype and I promise you'll never feel alone! :tu

Religion is not my favorite subject. Keep in mind that we grow stronger with every test of our understanding of life.

Rockestone
12-25-2008, 01:05 PM
Merry Christmas Aaron!

MikeyC
12-25-2008, 01:06 PM
This is a great and thoughtful idea!

:tpd:

X-mas can be a tough day if you're not celebrating the holiday with family and friends. Everything is closed and it's tough to stay occupied. Your plan is a great one and you are doing a great thing for those in need. :tu

UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 01:21 PM
This is a great and thoughtful idea!

Brother get on skype and I promise you'll never feel alone! :tu

Religion is not my favorite subject. Keep in mind that we grow stronger with every test of our understanding of life.

I just signed up on skype!!! Is there an address book on here for people who have it?

Would love to herf with some people here on skype!

Mugen910
12-25-2008, 01:24 PM
I just signed up on skype!!! Is there an address book on here for people who have it?

Would love to herf with some people here on skype!

http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=374&highlight=skype

Add me too brother...it's my CA SN...I'm off and on today due to the family coming over but the LateNightCrew (LNC) is always there in someway shape or form :tu

alley00p
12-25-2008, 01:30 PM
:tpd:

X-mas can be a tough day if you're not celebrating the holiday with family and friends. Everything is closed and it's tough to stay occupied. Your plan is a great one and you are doing a great thing for those in need. :tu

:tpd: x2

Aaron, spending your time, helping folks less fortunate than you is the very essence of Christmas IMHO; your plan is the best way to celebrate this Holiday, no matter what your religion is.

I wish you nothing but good in your future, and you will be in my daily thoughts! If you ever want to vent, I'm a great listener!

BTW, how is the weather in Provo? My library cooperative's software home offices are there in Provo. And back in the late '80's I spent a lot of time in the Ogden area working for AT&T at Hill AFB.

Please enjoy the holiday - Merry Christmas to you, good sir!

Charlie


:dance::dance::dance:

gonzo
12-25-2008, 01:47 PM
After spending 15 years with a witness not celebrating the holidays before divorcing almost 10 years ago, I know where you are coming from...

Sounds like you have an excellent plan for helping others and keeping your perspective on what the season truly means...

If sharing experiences of being isolated from others after a divorce from that religion would help, feel free to contact me...

I was never an actual part of the religion, but while I was in the marraige, I would attend meetings, etc, and all of our friends were a part of it, so when the marraige ended, I like you, started from ground zero...

Take heart that it really does only get better...especially when you have your head on straight like it seems you do and if you keep yourself away from bitterness as it sounds like you are since you aren't interested in bashing anyone...

Stay strong...

Stomp'N'Rock,

Joseph

UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 02:28 PM
Thank you Charlie and Joseph.

Getting ready right now to go out there. Going to bring a few cigars to and pass those out.

Trying to stay upbeat today.

chippewastud79
12-25-2008, 02:35 PM
Not sure that I have any super words that will help, but I do have two:

Merry Christmas!

mikeyj23
12-25-2008, 02:38 PM
Merry Christmas - I have never been a JW, but did leave a church several years ago that followed the same sort of shutting me off, so I lost several good friends. This first Christmas is understandably rough but you can take pride in your decision and resolve. Every year will get exponentially better. Merry Christmas!
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Dennis569
12-25-2008, 02:48 PM
Aaron,
I,m in Battle Mt., about 200mi. east of Reno.
On March 7 and 8 there is a pipe show at the Nugget.
Don't know if that holds any interest for you but if so show up
we'll tip one. I'll page your name. I'm Dennis Gustafson.
God Speed and stay warm today!

blugill
12-25-2008, 03:23 PM
Merry Christmas brother!
I hope you have many many more Christmas celebrations to look forward to!
Starting over is always tough.

UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 03:25 PM
Aaron,
I,m in Battle Mt., about 200mi. east of Reno.
On March 7 and 8 there is a pipe show at the Nugget.
Don't know if that holds any interest for you but if so show up
we'll tip one. I'll page your name. I'm Dennis Gustafson.
God Speed and stay warm today!


Hey Dennis, please remind me of this one! I would love to go. I have a few pipes but it's something I'm getting into more now.

Would be great to meet up!

aaron

DMK
12-25-2008, 03:26 PM
Merry Christmas, make the best of what you have and don't sweat the rest.
I could always send you my family if you 'really' want one that bad....:r

shilala
12-25-2008, 04:04 PM
I'm going to go out and take portraits of some of the homeless people in the area and listen to their stories about how they got there. I've got coffee and cookies that I'm going to pass out also.

I can't think of anything better to do today than just what you've decided on.
If you weren't in Reno, I'd already have invited you over. We're going to watch some movies and play with the kids.
I've started over lots of times. I'm getting pretty good at it. You're going to be fine, it'll just take some time. :tu

hotreds
12-25-2008, 04:43 PM
Godspeed, brother!

Sailkat
12-25-2008, 05:59 PM
Merry Christmas!

Everyone has their own holiday traditions and they change over the years as our families and friends change and grow. We all celebrate in our own way.

Sounds like you are starting your own tradition.....

I look forward to seeing your pictures. :D

ahc4353
12-25-2008, 06:23 PM
You are never alone as long as CA is here.

Keep your chin up and your back straight.

floydp
12-25-2008, 06:26 PM
Got to do whats right for you. You've made that decision, a difficult one. Good for you Aaron. Anxious to see how your project works out.


Merry Christmas!

Cigary
12-25-2008, 06:57 PM
Have been where you are now,,,and let me tell you that things turn around because of how you are dealing with this. You are being proactive and that is what will get you back on your feet and will take you to heights you never thought possible. Keep your vision,,,do those things that you know to be right in your heart and good things will come. Keep us posted as to how your night out went,,,you will touch others and they will be touched by your thougtfulness this day.

Costa
12-25-2008, 09:15 PM
The first is the worst. It gets better, much better, its all down hill from here bud.

I was brought up from birth until I walked away at 18 as a JW. My first Xmas, birthday, you name it, was in my 20's. I watched the religion destroy my family from within, slowly. I won't go into my personal opinion's of the religion, but I have spent the last 18 years methodically piecing my family back together. If you are raised as a child in it, it completely socially paralyzes you, and I spent most of my 20s "learning" the holidays, and even how to celebrate my own birthday. I am om my late 30's now, and all is good, but I would not wish that religion on any child, ever. Take the feeling you have now, and multiply it by a factor of 10,000 when you are 8 years old, and its Xmas morning, or your birthday, its not acknowledged. I had to leave the classroom when the pledge of allegiance was said, and I had no idea why, as a kid. It brands you as an outcast in an already tough development period. I just hope that your children will follow the lead of their father, and the strength you have shown. I know all about the "disfellowship"..........I still cringe when I see a "Watchtower" magazine........

On the flip side, I have no doubt that the success of my life was based on the hardships that being brought up in that religion caused me, and the drive for success that I have. I have seen others not so lucky, who have not come out on the other side as "whole" (drugs, etc.). I'd say most children will rebel against that religion when they grow up, to a great degree than "normal", and how that manifests itself can be one extreme or the other.

But again, you will, as time goes on, and begin celebrating these fantastic holidays, whether it be Xmas, Hanukkah, your birthday, etc. and will really appreciate it. And I hope (and pray, even though I am not religious) that your children follow your lead. Great thing what your doing as well. Good luck man, and Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday and God Bless America!!!!

UPHOTO
12-25-2008, 10:13 PM
wow........

So much I want to respond to and will tomorrow.

Just thought I would share a photo or two from today, what a day!!!!!

Going to the movies with some of my new friends and going to try and make this the best day I can.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3292/3137548222_6e9d9afcb1_b.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3212/3137558086_aa3bf3f071_b.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3122/3136743947_c3a0ec70b5_b.jpg

There's a story behind each one and when I get that all together in words I'll share that too.

aaron

shvictor
12-25-2008, 10:14 PM
Dude you take great pictures. Next time I'm in Reno you better answer your phone. :D

schnell987
12-25-2008, 10:26 PM
Aaron,
This is a beautiful thing that you are doing. I am sure that you brought happiness to all of the people that you interacted with today - look at all of those smiles!

CBI_2
12-25-2008, 10:31 PM
Merry Christmas! Hang in there brother. Great pics btw and can't wait to see more results of an awesome idea.

MikeyC
12-25-2008, 10:33 PM
Looks like you had a great day! :tu

DrDubzz
12-25-2008, 10:36 PM
Love the pictures! I'll be looking forward to seeing the result of the endevour

havana_lover
12-25-2008, 11:47 PM
Aaron, let me start by saying first off you sir take wonderful pictures.. the B&W really brings out the feeling in those peoples faces. Your right, starting over is really hard with no one to count on no one to be there.. I moved from the states to back to my birth place in Germany after living in Florida 99.9% of my life. Coming here wasnt easy even it was "home" the first year I dont know how many times I wanted to say F this and jump on the first plane to FL. What kept me going was the "thought" that I left for a reason. Like you, you have your reasons rememeber what doesnt kill you only make you stronger. There is some truth to that statement brother, keep your head high and your shoulders squared.. I promise Aaron, it does get easier allot easier.. I only have one person I talk too in the Florida my brother from another mother.. over the last 5 years I have been lucky enough to find someone with like interests (golf) and 2 years later he has become what I call a friend.. Other also made allot easier, people from my cigar club.. Matter of fact a group of them called me the 25 to make sure I wasnt alone.. that right there is something else.. :)

If you ever want to chat I can listen.. skype: aquacooled (havana_lover)

Or if your ever in Germany come by for a smoke and bring your camera ;)

Good luck and godspeed Aaron..

Bruzee
12-26-2008, 12:11 AM
Aaron, I can say with all honesty, you are an insipration. I have no doubt that you will have no problems making new friends, and starting a new life, wihtout JW. Don't lose your faith in God because of JW. Merry Christmas bro! :D

Buena Fortuna
12-26-2008, 06:42 AM
Can't understand any religon that is supposed to be based on love and acceptance "dis-fellowshiping" anyone...and JW is not the only one that does this.

Having friends and family that disown you because you are an individual fully capable of thinking for yourself is highly over rated...

It sounds like you are on the path less traveled but leads to a more fullfilling destination in life's journey. Spending some time with those less fortunate than you is a nice start to a wondefully rewarding tradition for the holiday. I'm sure you will find many kind people who are willing to accept you just as you are...without conditions.

Merry Christmas 2008 and many more!

Tombstone
12-26-2008, 07:01 AM
Aaron, I can say with all honesty, you are an insipration. I have no doubt that you will have no problems making new friends, and starting a new life, wihtout JW. Don't lose your faith in God because of JW. Merry Christmas bro! :D

:tpd:

RevSmoke
12-26-2008, 11:37 AM
Aaron,

Wasn't online yesterday as we took in a few people to be with us for the day who also do not have family in the area. In so doing, I put the computer away for the day after coming on to make a Christmas post.

I would like to wish you a very Merry and blessed Christmas.

I know how this could be tough. Had a couple JWs become Lutherans, and I worked with them on this and a couple other issues.

You are in my prayers.

Smokin Gator
12-26-2008, 12:04 PM
Sorry to hear about the tribulations brother... but those are the things in life that really define who we are. From what you have posted I would say you are going to do extremely well from here on out. I also think what you did yesterday was awesome. Your pictures are a real reflection of your love of humanity and your humble caring.

Here's to many wonderful holiday celebrations in the future....

yourchoice
12-26-2008, 12:15 PM
I don't really have anything else to add, but your post is heartfelt and inspirational. It's obvious you have a good heart, and with that good things will come.

Merry Christmas!

Skywalker
12-26-2008, 12:31 PM
Great photos!!!

Like the others have said, "It gets easier (better)!"

I had a similar situation a few years ago and I didn't think things would ever get better but they have!

UPHOTO
12-28-2008, 01:17 PM
I just wanted to say thank you to everybody again. This was hard to do, to open up and vent about this but wow am I glad I did, felt so much better.

It's tough, it's something I was raised since birth to believe in and do so this is all new to me. In a few months it will be my FIRST birthday! Did celebrate my first Halloween (that was fun at 33!), and maybe next year my first actual Christmas, who knows.

The photography project went incredibly well yet very shocking and different. I went in thinking I was going to capture true pain and sad stories but was thrown off when I found that all the homeless people in the area were all in one spot for a dinner given by a local church.

I was looking all over town and there were none to be found, then somebody told me where everybody was. Hey not bad to do have everybody in one place to do this since it was COLD out. ;)

I showed up to see homeless people throwing snow balls at each other, playing with the "community" dog Dozer and talking and hanging around with their friends. Very different then what I expected.

So I went out and started talking to people and asking if I could take their pictures. Some didn't want anything to do with me but still had a smile on their face. Others were just fine with it and wanted to know MY story and what I was doing. What was a little disturbing was the fact that most of these people were veterans. The stories you don't hear, the ones that don't have bumper stickers on their cars stating the fact but the people who came back a little "different". It was quite sad............

Some people insisted that this was temporary, others said they were just pure lazy. I could go on and on with my personal view on this and the system and all that but that's for another time.

How about a few other pictures. Notice how some of these people have smiles on their faces? It was really strange........some asked me even "should I smile or show a serious sad face?". I would tell them to be themselves, how they felt right now.

18 year old kid who has been homeless for 2 years!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3131/3136727469_40d4624aca_b.jpg

This man insisted on not talking to me but said it was okay to take his picture.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3186/3137561944_66e68b4627_b.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3238/3145153222_5d04ee98c7_b.jpg

I call this one "pray for me".

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3079/3145162322_33f0c56d18_b.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3115/3144333109_36529d02c7_b.jpg

This is something I want to do every year and I hope I get the chance to. I've had a few friends express interest in helping me next year, that should be fun.

Thanks again to everybody here for the encouragement, kind words and inspiration.

It's great to be a part of something like this community.

aaron

j-easy
12-28-2008, 02:16 PM
even if you didn't have the "traditional" Christmas i think what you did was definitely worth while and a fine way to spend the day.

stitch
12-29-2008, 09:44 AM
Now that is what Christmas really ought to be about,
My "Religion" has always been the one I was taught by my Father's people,
It's in the trees, the sky, the smoke and most importantly within ones heart.
It seems that you already know that the "Spirit" exists within you.
Walk the path that is true to you my friend.
You will be fine.

UPHOTO
01-01-2009, 05:51 PM
Now that is what Christmas really ought to be about,
My "Religion" has always been the one I was taught by my Father's people,
It's in the trees, the sky, the smoke and most importantly within ones heart.
It seems that you already know that the "Spirit" exists within you.
Walk the path that is true to you my friend.
You will be fine.

well I would have to say that is just an amazing way to look at life....

it was great to read.

UPHOTO
01-15-2010, 10:28 PM
Just wanted to update you guys on this years events.

Can't believe it's been a year since I posted this but I did get to go out again and this time I just talked to the people, didn't do any photos but just talked and got some great stories.

I now have a girlfriend who has a huge family that gets together each year to have dinner on Christmas Eve and then have dinner again on Christmas. That was all new to me and was such an amazing, giving and loving time.

I have begun to love the Christmas holiday now, I'm glad I was raised the way I was. It's helped me to appreciate this that much more.

I still have a local gallery that wants to put these photos up and also the stories.

I enjoyed a few special cigars thru the day too. :)

Hope everybody enjoyed their Holidays too.

qwerty1500
01-16-2010, 08:18 AM
Glad to hear that it is working out for you. Would love to see some of the photos. Anywhere you can post a few for us?

acruce
01-16-2010, 08:25 AM
Glad to see things are working out for you.

UPHOTO
01-16-2010, 09:25 AM
Glad to hear that it is working out for you. Would love to see some of the photos. Anywhere you can post a few for us?

This year I didn't take any photos. There are more in the set from last year that we are still working on.

This year was just interviewing them and just being there for some of them. A few even smoked cigars. :ss

G G
01-16-2010, 09:30 AM
:tu to you

elderboy02
01-16-2010, 09:54 AM
Good job! :tu

Starscream
01-16-2010, 10:21 AM
Way to go, Aaron. This thread reminds us of the true spirit of Christmas.