RUNYYFan
03-31-2015, 01:17 PM
Grandpa gets an audit letter in the mail and shows up to his appointment at the IRS building with his lawyer. They enter the room, sit down, and the IRS agent starts to question them.
IRS Agent: "Well, sir, we think it is a little odd that you have no official income, but are able to afford such a lavish lifestyle, and you claim it is all from Gambling? You say you made $300,000 last year from gambling alone?"
Grandpa: "Yes. I am very good at it. Would you like a demonstration? I will bet you $1,500 that I can bite my own eye."
The IRS agent stares at him for a minute, quite confused, and takes the bet. Before he can retract his words, Grandpa pops out his glass eye and proceeds to bite it. The IRS agent is stunned, and just lost a grand.
Grandpa: "You didn't think I could do it did you? Tell you what, double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."
The IRS agent studies Grandpa for a minute and thinks to himself that there is no way this guy has two glass eyes, and takes the bet. Grandpa pulls out his dentures and uses them to bite his other eye. The IRS agent's mount drops. He is out $3000 now fair and square, with this man's lawyer here as proof, and starting to get worried.
Grandpa (laughs): "You look worried, son. I will do one more bet, double or nothing. I am going to stand here and pee into that waste can behind you and not spill a single drop anywhere else."
The IRS agent looks at the man, turns around and looks at the waste can. It is about 6 feet behind him. This old man will have to pee about 8-9 feet and not spill a single drop. The IRS agent is worried, but he thinks he can win this bet.
IRS Agent: "You're on!"
Grandpa stands up and unzips. He struggles mightily and lets a weak stream go. It doesn't get anywhere near the trash can. In fact, it just splashes all over the IRS agents desk and runs onto the floor. The IRS agent starts jumping up and down with a huge smile on his face.
IRS Agent: "HAHA! YES! You didn't even get close!"
The lawyer puts his head in his hands at this point, shaking it slowly, clearly upset about the incident. The IRS agent looks over at him and asks what is wrong.
Lawyer: "Just before we came in here, Grandpa bet me $25,000 that he could piss on your desk today and you would be happy about it."
(Yes, this is a turn on the bartender joke.)
IRS Agent: "Well, sir, we think it is a little odd that you have no official income, but are able to afford such a lavish lifestyle, and you claim it is all from Gambling? You say you made $300,000 last year from gambling alone?"
Grandpa: "Yes. I am very good at it. Would you like a demonstration? I will bet you $1,500 that I can bite my own eye."
The IRS agent stares at him for a minute, quite confused, and takes the bet. Before he can retract his words, Grandpa pops out his glass eye and proceeds to bite it. The IRS agent is stunned, and just lost a grand.
Grandpa: "You didn't think I could do it did you? Tell you what, double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."
The IRS agent studies Grandpa for a minute and thinks to himself that there is no way this guy has two glass eyes, and takes the bet. Grandpa pulls out his dentures and uses them to bite his other eye. The IRS agent's mount drops. He is out $3000 now fair and square, with this man's lawyer here as proof, and starting to get worried.
Grandpa (laughs): "You look worried, son. I will do one more bet, double or nothing. I am going to stand here and pee into that waste can behind you and not spill a single drop anywhere else."
The IRS agent looks at the man, turns around and looks at the waste can. It is about 6 feet behind him. This old man will have to pee about 8-9 feet and not spill a single drop. The IRS agent is worried, but he thinks he can win this bet.
IRS Agent: "You're on!"
Grandpa stands up and unzips. He struggles mightily and lets a weak stream go. It doesn't get anywhere near the trash can. In fact, it just splashes all over the IRS agents desk and runs onto the floor. The IRS agent starts jumping up and down with a huge smile on his face.
IRS Agent: "HAHA! YES! You didn't even get close!"
The lawyer puts his head in his hands at this point, shaking it slowly, clearly upset about the incident. The IRS agent looks over at him and asks what is wrong.
Lawyer: "Just before we came in here, Grandpa bet me $25,000 that he could piss on your desk today and you would be happy about it."
(Yes, this is a turn on the bartender joke.)