Dating a co-worker

[ApexAZ]

So I'm a little over 2 months into a separation with my wife with a divorce in progress and there is this woman whom I have worked with for several years that I am starting to really want to date. We seem to connect on an emotional level, but I've always been tied up in marriage.

I think she is interested, but sometimes not so sure. We've hung out a few times on a purely friendly basis, hiking, car shopping, etc., which honestly isn't the best start of a relationship with someone you wish to be more than just friends with, but considering my divorce and our work relationship, it felt like the right way to approach it to start.

Anyways, we work in very close proximity to one another, but we don't work directly with each other on projects or anything. Normally I would not date someone from work and this would be the first time I ever tried. What are some of your opinions on this subject? I read an interesting statistic that 40% of people have dated someone from work.

Thoughts?

[OLS]

Sex is great, issues are not. There is a reason many people swear off this kind of stuff, its called experience. :)
As magical or as bad as it is, you are too close to her, and when they talk at the office, they talk about YOU.
So when its bad, everyone knows it, and even when its good, its bad for YOU.
I SAY DO IT!
But then get ready for telling me I was right. Having people find out about your intimate biz in the work
place is never a good thing, and its the first thing to happen, outside of the sex and all.

[HollywoodQue]

Be very careful Brian....my best friend was recently married for 15 years and just got divorced. My advice to him was to take some time for himself before he started dating on a serious level and just have fun with the ladies in between time.......well, he chose not to listen and got very serious with and old friend from back in the day which just so happened to be about to divorce also..well needless to say...all went well for several months until they realized that they were only together to compensate for the empty space they felt due to divorce . In your case if things don't work out between you two..you still have to work with each other which can create a bad work environment for the both of you....hope this helps and good luck...

[hotreds]

Not recommended! See above.......

[CigarNut]

If nothing else, it would be worth having a conversation with her to see if you guys are even on the same page...

[massphatness]

I vote no -- the potential for problems is not worth the slim chance it will work out

[G G]

I vote no -- the potential for problems is not worth the slim chance it will work out

I would have to concur with the Vinster on this.

[shark]

Personal life and professional life should always be separate.

[ironchefscott]

I hate to join the choir....but yea it will get messy 95% of the time
Wise man said.....don't get your meat where you get your bread

[pnoon]

Nope. Bad idea.
;s
Posted via Mobile Device

[bobarian]

I agree with the others. Not recommended. If things turn South, you had better be prepared to look for another job. :2

[pektel]

There are a lot of fish in the sea. No sense dipping your lure into the company pool.

[gettysburgfreak]

I met my wife at work. I was there almost a year before she got there. I scooped her up from the get go and haven't looked back. A lot of guys told me don't **** where you eat but I ignored their advice and it worked out in my case. It can definitely be challenging to know the same people, see each other constantly and have people know your business but I wouldn't trade my wife for anything so for me those things don't outweigh having her.

[RobR1205]

I vote no -- the potential for problems is not worth the slim chance it will work out

I also agree with Vin. I think relationships in the workplace should be professional. I don't even like being facebook friends with the people I work with. That might be a little extreme for some, but that's the way I prefer it personally.

[T.G]

Depends, is she hot?

[BlkDrew]

I met my wife at work also, but she was only there for a year and we worked different shifts

[pektel]

Depends, is she hot?

Valid question. :tu

[RobR1205]

...don't get your meat where you get your bread

I was thinking of another expression, but this one works too :tu;)

[shark]

I also agree with Vin. I think relationships in the workplace should be professional. I don't even like being facebook friends with the people I work with. That might be a little extreme for some, but that's the way I prefer it personally.

+1. I definitely agree with that. Personally, I don't even share personal life events, unless they're major things that could affect my work performance/attendance, with my coworkers or employer.

[Ashcan Bill]

I met my wife at work. Second time around for both of us. We worked in different departments so there was never any conflict, either real or perceived. After we married, she eventually left the company for a better opportunity but we never had any problems professionally while we were both there. Never had any problems personally either. :D We've been married 18 years now and we grow ever closer as time goes on. We worked for a major Fortune 100 company, and there were several married couples at the plant.

My dad met my mom at the company they both worked for. Likewise my uncle and his wife. They all went the distance. Not all work relationships end up being horror stories. It depends on the maturity and emotional stability of those involved.

[ApexAZ]

Depends, is she hot?

She is insanely hot. She is also a great person all around.

So...hard...to...resist.

[icehog3]

I've seen it maybe 10 times on my job in 28 years. 1 time it worked out, it led at least 4 to be fired or have to quit, and made for uncomfortable situations for the rest of them. I don't do it, and would advise against it if you want to stay happy and secure in your job.

[AdamJoshua]

If nothing else, my father left me with a very good piece of advice... .

Never sh!t where you eat.

[Ogre]

Don't get your honey where you make your money

[Remo]

If it goes south then it will be awkward.

That being said I dated a co-worker for 5 years, and have been married for 8 more, lucky ones I guess!

[AdamJoshua]

If it goes south then it will be awkward.

That being said I dated a co-worker for 5 years, and have been married for 8 more, lucky ones I guess!

Yah but how did it work out for her? :gary

[Ogre]

Yah but how did it work out for her? :gary

He has to behave, she is a better shot.

[Remo]

Yah but how did it work out for her? :gary

:fu2

[nutcracker]

It's a "it depends" answer.
Hanging out, checking compatibility, etc.

I would follow by instinct if I were you. Chemistry is the thing.

Where else do you meet someone? A bar/ online??

Not necessarily any less risk these days.....

[Remo]

It's a "it depends" answer.
Hanging out, checking compatibility, etc.

I would follow by instinct if I were you. Chemistry is the thing.

Where else do you meet someone? A bar/ online??

Not necessarily any less risk these days.....

Risk is if it doesn't work out you have to see them every day.

[Col. Kurtz]

She is insanely hot. She is also a great person all around.

So...hard...to...resist.

Careful. She may be a dude. See hot/crazy matrix

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU

[nutcracker]

:hy:hyCareful. She may be a dude. See hot/crazy matrix

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU

[shilala]

I'm on the fence, but it's only because I'm not you and I don't know where you're at in how you feel about your divorce.
Consider this...
Is it fair to foist damaged goods on someone you hope to love?

That kept me from getting involved with anyone for a solid year after my divorce, and my marriage had been over for 3 years before that.
About 5 years after my divorce, I'd worked on myself enough that I knew I could be married again and do it right. So I swore off sex and started dating. I spent a lot of time with a lot of women until I got married.
To me, that was the right way to go about it.

I see no reason why you can't see this girl out of work, as a friend.
But examine your intentions, and whether or not you can even deal with it.
Not many guys take the advice you got. But it's all good advice, and there's lots of personal experiences to back it up.
It's not about what us guys can handle, it's about what you can handle and your motivation. Just be honest with yourself and you'll be okay.

[Theo Cincy]

Well put Scott!

[sigsauer]

I've read this 6 times or more and still this statement concerns me.."We seem to connect on an emotional level, but I've always been tied up in marriage."
"tied up in anything" sounds like a negative perception with regards to relationships..
my advice.....take a year off from dating and then after 12 months if you still think you need to pursue this person then have at it...

[timj219]

What Scott said. But maybe this is easier to remember: think about it with the big head and you'll make the right decision.

[jjirons69]

To each his own, Brian. Odds are it won't work, but there's a slim chance it could. By not getting involved, nothing loss, but certainly something promising not gained. By getting involved, worst thing would be the worst thing you could imagine happening at work (see above); best thing, a great relationship starts up and a big future ahead (see above). I see it as a gamble. Given my experience and what I've seen and lived through, I would probably pass, especially if I really liked where I worked.

[T.G]

She is insanely hot. She is also a great person all around.

So...hard...to...resist.

Does she like photocopiers?

[badbriar]

If nothing else, it would be worth having a conversation with her to see if you guys are even on the same page...

+1 to this. What if this is 'the one' ? At least have the chat. If nothing else, she should feel flattered. Just keep the dialogue away from work!

[badbriar]

Depends, is she hot?
:hy

Like the way Adam thinks! :tu

[RWhisenand]

You know, maybe I'm just being contradictory but I say go for it. If it dosent work out, move on with a different job, or have her move to a different job.

[mosesbotbol]

If it goes south, what are you options with work? Could you find another job? I would look at my financial security first. Also, at this stage in your life, how sure are you about your emotional state? It takes a while before you are in the right state of mind to find a lasting relationship (if that is what you want).

Some need companionship, others are just looking for a physical pleasure. Not saying one is better than the other; but don't mix which is appropriate right now.

[RobR1205]

If it goes south, what are you options with work? Could you find another job? I would look at my financial security first. Also, at this stage in your life, how sure are you about your emotional state? It takes a while before you are in the right state of mind to find a lasting relationship (if that is what you want).

Some need companionship, others are just looking for a physical pleasure. Not saying one is better than the other; but don't mix which is appropriate right now.

Well said.

[shilala]

I rethought this and I say go ahead and hit it. :tu

[jjirons69]

Oh Scott...:fp2

[OLS]

I would also like to chime in on the "relax and enjoy it" theme......being free again is one of the best feelings that
a grown man can experience....savor it.....suck, don't crunch. I know its EASIER to date from work, it means you
don't have to go out and spend money on the hunt. But ENJOY the freedom, play the field, don't get serious too quick.

And then, when you remember you're only going to have hair and a young man's body for so long, then get down
to business and get serious.

[ApexAZ]

Lots of people at the bank seem to date each other and I've seen many marriages, but not so much with people who work in such close proximity. We're so big it's not uncommon to learn about husbands and wives who both work here, but usually they are in different areas. Although there's been several instances of relationships in my building that I know about.

That said, I'm aware of my own divorce situation and I'm trying to be mindful of that. I am feeling like I'm recovering fairly quickly from my divorce, but I also do not want to risk rebounding with someone at work.

Right now it's just friendly and I have indicated to her in indirect ways that I'm not yet at a point where I'm ready to date anyone. This alone may have doomed me to perpetual friend zone status, who knows? Either way I'm proceeding with caution and if it blossoms into something more, great! If not, then no harm done. I do worry about work and sexual harassment and all that though.