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nutcracker
12-15-2014, 08:38 AM
Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:


Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich, you have a 50% chance of being right...

Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me:

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.

shilala
12-15-2014, 08:48 AM
I'd like some acid.

CigarNut
12-15-2014, 09:30 AM
:r :r

markem
12-15-2014, 09:37 AM
The #1 cause of death in the history of the species is birth.