Cremosa Cubanos: A Journey

[Hardcz]

So let me start off by saying thanks to everyone who tried this with me. Willing or not, they were forced to see if the hype was really there or not.

Now.... Cremosa, that's a name I've grown to fear, not by trial, but by reputation. I had never experienced one of these cigars though people claim their testicles suck up, bungholes slam shut, warn to flush in other people's toilets you don't like because of the fear that this cigar may come to haunt you.

I don't know about you but that sounds like something I just gotta try once.

So I ended up buying a bundle, split a few times and kept some for myself. We have a monthly herf up in Rochester Michigan and I brought these, unknown to the rest of the crew. As soon as I get there I get to work clipping and lighting.

Yes, this is my ugly mug, severely in need of a trimming and my hair is well... winter hat hair, ok...?

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/dan_cremosa_1.jpg


Now I'm not alone in my endeavor because Chris *sancho* is right behind me....

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/chris_2.jpg

And you wonder what he's thinking right? I believe he's thinking... This is one tasty cigar!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/chris_1.jpg


Actually his thoughts were, "I've had worse"..... though as he got about 1/2 way through... he goes "Wow this just keeps getting worse as I go!"

Because I'm a man, I just light and start the pass.... First up is Mike *357*

He took some convincing, lots of laughing... About 4 Gin and Tonics later he investigates.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/mike_1.jpg

Hmmmmm Dry leaves with....Barnyard...no wait, hints of manure!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/mike_2.jpg

Actually guys, this is a great cigar! You gotta try it.... *I'm speaking for Mike here...*

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/mike_3.jpg

JUST KIDDING!!! "TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!"

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/mike_4.jpg

Next up is Steve *Fissure* He cried about this more than Mike, though he did man up and give a hit.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/steve_1.jpg

Though....I don't think that was good for him... Steve you don't look so good buddy!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/steve_2.jpg


I know this is hard to believe, but Steve actually went blind. He found it easier to keep his eyes closed at this point..... NEXT!!!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/steve_3.jpg

[Hardcz]

By now Jon *jonharky* realizes he can't escape and so defeated he goes up to bat.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/jon1.jpg


MMMMM!!!! Doesn't that look tasty? Hints of....Metal, burt grass, and dirt....YUM!

I blame this cigar on him leaving early...not that other excuse he gave.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/jon2.jpg

Next up is Sam *Buena Fortuna* he is the MAN... just look at him.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_1.jpg

He's telling us it can't be that bad and he's looking forward to this laughing the whole time.

As you can see he's taking in the construction and aroma of nuclear fallout coming off of this wonderful cigar.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_2.jpg

Puff the magic dragon would be jealous...... Look at that great construction.... *Chris kept mentioning that his ash was hanging on forever*

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_3.jpg


Oh yea, feel that burn of the nose exhale! Taste those wonderful flavors of rusting metal paired beautifully with dirty snow water sitting stagnant on a playground of 3rd graders.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_4.jpg

Unable to believe what he just experienced he gazes in awe at this cigar. "How could this be?" We have no idea what he's talking about.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_5.jpg

"I'm gonna give this another go, that can't be possible" --- Still NO Idea what Sam is going on about.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_6.jpg


OH!!! There it is! His colon just slammed shut!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_7.jpg

[Hardcz]

So you're probably wondering, DAN! Why didn't you smoke it?

Well you need to wonder no longer, for I did!

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/dan_cremosa_2.jpg


Ok...Interesting... it is bad... yes not a good cigar at all. Draw was good, construction was good. Flavor, I could describe as the leaves from my oak tree in December. The bastages that are still stuck up on the tree even though there's over two feet of snow on the ground. Pair that with a dry dirt, burning, and a metal flavor, it's hard to describe but yea. Something like that.

Does the purge work?

Hell no....

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/dan_cremosa_3.jpg

It's still pretty bad....

At this point I've downed about 3 cherry cokes and have to use the little boys room. I come back and the guys are laughing about this chery cigar... I figure what the hell do I have to lose at this point.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/cherry.jpg

Actually, was very smooth. Decent construction for this type of cigar, barely had a hint of maraschino cherries, paired well with my cherry coke.

Apparently though the smell coming off this puppy was and I quote "One of the worste things I've smelled in my life" I believe Sam or Chris is the owner of that quote.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/dan_cherry_1.jpg

After throwing back that Cremosa and Jubilee Cherry, I was pretty much off my rocker.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/dan_censored.jpg



Well that concludes this little story, I hope I didn't bore you with too many details.

Here are three of the brave souls purging their taste buds with finer cigars.

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/steve_mike_chris.jpg



I hope you all will learn from this, and take matters in your own hands one day to try the things that interest you, good or bad.

[icehog3]

Thanks for the laughs, Dan, and I hope your crew gets you back for asking them to try them vile $hit-sticks. ;)

[SmokeyNL]

Very nice guys, thanks for sharing :ss

[Swampper]

Great post! :r

I'm picturing guys in HAZMAT suits dealing with that smoking lounge like a meth lab.
I hope you didn't do permanent damage there! :D

[Don Fernando]

Nice, I will send you guys some gorillafingers for your next experiment.

[Hardcz]

Nice, I will send you guys some gorillafingers for your next experiment.

Looking forward to mine, wonder if they really would throw me out the window of I brought a few of those....HMMMMM I better start working out :ze


The lounge is still standing, though the fallout cleanup is still going on.

[taltos]

Too bad that Booker wasn't there. He could answer the question, what is worse, the cremosa or getting stuck in the mud. Thanks for taking the hit for the team and for the laughs.:ss

[elderboy02]

Ha ha ha. Thanks for the review. Boy am I glad that I got 5 off of you :r I think that I will smoke one and bomb the rest to deserving inmates :D

[Buena Fortuna]

Thanks Dan, what a great time! However, I think I am permanently ruined from that Jubilee Cherry fecal sample that you sparked up...:pu

[dccraft]

You guys just make me laugh! The looks on your faces in some of those photos are just PRICELESS!!!!:r:r:r

Thanks for putting some faces with the names.

[borndead1]

What I wanna know is: When is Dan gonna start smoking some of the dog rockets that Silound sent us? I'm gonna tackle another one today.



Come on Dan. You're gonna be 2 behind me. :D

[Hardcz]

What I wanna know is: When is Dan gonna start smoking some of the dog rockets that Silound sent us? I'm gonna tackle another one today.



Come on Dan. You're gonna be 2 behind me. :D

Just got them last night brother. Gonna let them thaw out before I spark them up.

[skibumdc]

http://hardcz.net/cpm/albums/uploads/herf/sam_7.jpg
Classic. You need to use that as an avatar

[SeanGAR]

Classic. You need to use that as an avatar

You mean something like this?

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/okeefes/Cremosa.jpg

Avatar sized
http://filebox.vt.edu/users/okeefes/Cremosa%20copy.jpg

[Sancho]

Nice post! That certainly was a good time although the cigars could've been better :D

That cherry jubilee....words cant describe that smell, choking/gagging? Like drowning in a vat of cherries? I had to throw my hat out because it wassitting to close to where dan was smoking and the smeel wont come out

[pnoon]

Nice review and pictures.
Although, Da Klugs original (and classic) review on these gems was one for the ages.

If we are lucky, he can dig it up for us.

[Da Klugs]

You mean something like this?

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/okeefes/Cremosa.jpg

Avatar sized
http://filebox.vt.edu/users/okeefes/Cremosa%20copy.jpg

That should be the label on the bundle. :D

[Skywalker]

Great Review Dan!!! Wonderful photos and commentary... priceless!!!:r

[icehog3]

Nice review and pictures.
Although, Da Klugs original (and classic) review on these gems was one for the ages.

If we are lucky, he can dig it up for us.

For those of you who weren't on CS back in 2005, Dave had a contest to see which cigar was worse, a Cremosa or a Tamboril. This was my entry after trying both cigars:

Tamboril

I decide to smoke the Tamboril in the parking garage near where I work. Pulling the cigar from its cellophane jail, I swear I have seen this cigar before. Finally, it comes to me…it is just the same as the Cuban Cohibas I bought from the guy walking the beach in Cancun last summer. A squeeze reveals a spongy construction, much like a contraceptive sponge prior to insertion.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw is a taste to remember…its what I imagine sucking powdered goat feces through a straw made of petrified moose $hit might taste like. I contemplate quitting the contest and sending Dave back his extra smokes, but decide that if I can have a root canal with no anesthesia, I can smoke this cigar.

The smoke

As I toast the end, the smell of the Killing Fields of Cambodia is what I perceive. All the pain and torture endured there seems only slightly worse than the experience I am beginning. The first draw fills my mouth with smoke that would be better suited for a fire at a tire factory, but I press on, knowing that I must help Dave find some answers to his dilemma. My head begins to pound like a headboard in a Ginger Lynn movie, but I puff again, trying to keep the smoke in and the bile down. The cigar is burning sideways and fast, and finally I can take no more. I see a homeless man walking by in his filthy clothes, and I ask him to spit in my mouth to take away the taste of the Tamboril. He obliges and the stale taste of Mad Dog 20/20 and Virginia Slims is a welcome change. I offer him the remainder of the cigar as a reward for his kind gesture, and he slugs me square in the mouth. The mixture of my own blood and the Mogan David remain with me on my journey home for the second part of my adventure.

Cremosa

I take the Cremosa out of its wrapper, and am immediately overwhelmed by the scent of Miss Locascio’s house. Miss L was the woman on our block with 72 cats, 3 ferrets and a nasty flatulence problem. The cigar feels harder than the mattress at the Motel 6 and has the same color as the middle of horrorview’s prescription thong.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw feels looser than an Irish hooker on St Patrick’s Day. I long for the taste of spit and blood again as I taste the rancid pork washed down with spoiled milk flavor that the Cremosa offers.I shudder as I reach into my pocket for my lighter. As I contemplate my next move, Chevy Chase appears on my shoulder…”See the cigar, hog….be the cigar”….I flick my bic.

The smoke

The smell of the cigar is a familiar one….the smoke smells like the water that leaks out of a dumpster behind a Mexican restaurant on a 95 degree day. My head swims with irrational thoughts….”should I slit my wrists?”….”should I eat a bullet?”…..”should I watch 'American Idol'?”. Finally, sanity creeps back in, and I rush to the sink. No time for the Drew Estates Dave included as a palate cleanser, I reach for the Liquid Plumber and greedily chug from the bottle. The second degree burns scorching my tongue bring welcome relief from the taste of the Craposa. In the ambulance, the paramedic asks ”what is that rancid pork and spoiled milk smell on your breath”, even as he stabilizes my vital signs. I will live, he tells me, and by the way, he found my cigar and saved it for me. I wonder if they will have any sharp items in my hospital room?

So the loser… or the winner…of the worst of the worst…Cremosa. Thanks a lot Dave…I will send you the hospital bills.

[Coz77]

Nice read Tom! That was hilarious!! :r

[jonharky]

I missed the cherries jubilee?? damn...I don't think my stomach could handle that after the cremosa

[newcigarz]

Although, Da Klugs original (and classic) review on these gems was one for the ages.

If we are lucky, he can dig it up for us.

I think this was it

Were talking hand rolled and proportedly 100% tobacco.
We talk a lot about the best well to have a best there must be a worst.

For me it was a bundle I bought at CI 50 for $ 39.00

Cremosa Cubana

Heres a quick review: (Hey its my first how appropriate)

The pre light aroma reminded me of the smell you get when you wash your dog. After cutting the head I noticed a slight unraveling which I corrected with licking. The taste from licking probably was similar to the wet dog but I have no frame of reference.

The prelight draw was loose and emparted a flavor of rotten meat. Upon lighting I noticed a strong dirty diaper odor followed by hints of effluent.

The burn was political - all down one side or the other. I tried to correct but didnt want to put my tongue on any other part of the stick.

As I aproached the 1/2 way point the cigar actually looked embarrassed, each side of the cigar had these little flaps curling out like shrugging shoulders.

Just past the 1/2 way point it started to tunnel and almost burned my lips.

I put it out and threw the other 49 away. No one deserves these.

Speculation on manufacturing method:

The Wrapper they say is Sumatra. It must have floated over on its own cause it dont taste like any tobacco I've every smoked.

They say these have Dominican Long-fillers maybe some kind of vegetable. Possibly once they have made real had rolled cigars, taken the scraps and made short filler, the remainder they gather up, boil into a guey paste, roll it out into thin sheets, let it dry and thats the long filler they mean here.

Truly the pinnicle of bad.

http://www.cigarsinternational.com/prodDisp.asp?item=CS-CZ&cat=3

[Buena Fortuna]

The new avitar is up! w00t! w00t!

Thanks Da Klugs :dance:

[atlharp]

Anus Mundi? Ah the Cremosa.......I think I remember Ron giving one of these to The Butcher a while back. It's flavor is legendary, kind of like the first time you eat bad sushi :pu

One of the funniest posts I have read in a while......:r

ATL

[Bucking W]

Crap, I have one of the Cremosas in my humi. Guess it's going to the compost pile.

[pnoon]

Crap, I have one of the Cremosas in my humi. Guess it's going to the compost pile.

Why ruin a good compost pile? :D

[Emjaysmash]

Check out the Blind Taste Test thread. Deadrise just smoked one and didn't even know!

[icehog3]

Why ruin a good compost pile? :D

http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa73/icehog3/choo.jpg

"It tastes like 'burning' ".

[backwoods357]

"It tastes like 'burning' ".
One of my favorite Ralph quotes. :tu

Sneaking a cremosa in a blind taste test, :gary ouch.

[Savor the Stick]

Check out the Blind Taste Test thread. Deadrise just smoked one and didn't even know!

yeah but it had 4 years sealed in 2 ziplock baggies....Maybe that's what they need?.

http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa73/icehog3/choo.jpg

"It tastes like 'burning' ".

You not gonna eat that are you?:pu

[crazyirishman]

This is hilarious. Trying to explain it to my wife is difficult, as she is not a cigar fan by any means. She doesn't get the humor.

I, on the other hand, love it.

THanks for the laughs and dissuading others from ruining their palate from smoking toxic cigars. :)