RevSmoke
01-29-2013, 08:11 AM
FAMOUS INVENTIONS
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later an Iowan invented the hole in it.
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'
THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'
SWIM COMPETITION
A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, 'I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der arms.'
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the first Norwegian. 'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'
BAR RIDDLE
A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner ...
'Look,' he said, 'let's have a game if you answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you can't, then you buy ME one, Okay?' 'Ya, dat sounds purty good,' said the Swede. The Indian said, 'My father and my mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?' The Swede scratched his head and finally said, 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It was ME,' chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, 'Sven,' he said, 'I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?' 'Fair enough,' said Sven. Okay....my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my sister, Who vas it?' 'Search me, ' said Sven. 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.'
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. 'Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked. 'Vell, Ole, I
yust don't know,' replied Lena. 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'
'How come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?' asks Lena. 'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da
coast vas clear.
Honeymoon Trip
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.' So Ole drove to Duluth.
Arrested
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria, Minnesota.
The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said,' Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom! 'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here.
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later an Iowan invented the hole in it.
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'
THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'
SWIM COMPETITION
A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. The Swede reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, 'I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used der arms.'
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the first Norwegian. 'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'
BAR RIDDLE
A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner ...
'Look,' he said, 'let's have a game if you answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink, if you can't, then you buy ME one, Okay?' 'Ya, dat sounds purty good,' said the Swede. The Indian said, 'My father and my mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?' The Swede scratched his head and finally said, 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It was ME,' chortled the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Swede went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, 'Sven,' he said, 'I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?' 'Fair enough,' said Sven. Okay....my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my sister, Who vas it?' 'Search me, ' said Sven. 'I give up. Who vas it?' 'It vas some Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda.'
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. 'Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked. 'Vell, Ole, I
yust don't know,' replied Lena. 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'
'How come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?' asks Lena. 'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da
coast vas clear.
Honeymoon Trip
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.' So Ole drove to Duluth.
Arrested
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria, Minnesota.
The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said,' Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom! 'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here.