Asking for the Father's Blessing?

[E.J.]

Not wanting to steal thunder or hi-jack one of the engagement threads, I wondered what the B/SOTL say?

I have been married twice and did not even think to discuss my pending engagement with the first FIL, but actually felt huge guilt about that when we told her parents the news. It was like I could see the "I'm losing my little girl" in his eyes and I knew right then that I should have discussed my intentions with him prior to asking.

It was not as if anything he would have said, would have changed the course of my actions(they loved me, so there was no worry, still do actually), but I knew after the fact, that in my mind, it would have been the right thing to do.

I did not make this mistake the second time. It was a phone conversation, which I felt was also a bit "half assed", but there was distance and that was the way it was going to be done. Actually did it seconds before I popped the question, but I felt better about doing it all the same....

Long story short, I hope the man that asks my daughter to spend her life with him, discusses that with me prior...& my son will know my expectations of him as well.....

Too traditional?

What did you do?

If you have been on the other side, stories one way or the other?

Thoughts from the women on this forum?

[CigarNut]

I proposed in 1982 and I did ask my future FIL for permission because that was what my then-girlfriend-now-wife wanted me to do... It was a good thing I did as we became good friends and I think the fact that I asked really started us off on the right foot.

[Ogre]

I agree with you E.J. I didnt know until this morning. I think he should have asked me first. Guess we are just old fashioned!!

[DrDubzz]

I asked, but it was merely a formality, I would have proposed regardless. However, I think it has gone a long way in creating good will

[icehog3]

I asked my FIL.

Wish he had said "no". ;)

[zappaFREAK]

A great thing to do. I never did it though. My in laws were totally against the union and I think they were bitter about it till the day they passed. We went as far as talking about eloping with a ladder but ended up with a very nice wedding. I could not bring myself to ask because of the anomisity and have always regretted it.

[ahc4353]

Unless I'm losing my mind I think we just had a thread like this.

Anyway, I asked, glad I did.

I hope my sons do the same when it's time for them.

[bobarian]

I asked my FIL.

Wish he had said "no". ;)

:tpd: :r ;s

This sounds like it might be a good occasion to break out a cigar and share with your future FIL. :2

[timj219]

My wife-to-be hinted that she expected me to ask her father's blessing if I wanted to marry her. I think I would have anyway. It was obvious that even though she was in her 20s and living on her own, he still regarded himself in some way her protector. And I think she felt that way too. It is old fashioned and I guess it could be seen as sexist but I'm glad I sought his blessing first. I think it's helped make my relationship with him a good one.

[awsmith4]

When I asked my FIL he said "Its fine with me but I'm not sure she'll say yes"

[chippewastud79]

I asked my father-in-law. I felt its the right thing to do considering we had a pretty good relationship. Her sisters husband did not ask and her parents seemed to be perturbed by this. :2

[pnoon]

My son-in-law called and asked for our blessing to propose. We had known that sooner or later they would get married but I was impressed that he called to ask.

I don't think I would have minded had he not. But I liked the fact that he asked. My immediate response was "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you." After being admonished by my wife, I laughed and said, "Of course."

[htown]

My wife's father passed the year before I met her, but I did ask her mother.

[Cigarcop]

I was stupid enough to ask two times!:bh but I do believe its the right thing to do.

[Tauma]

Personally, I don't see it as much of an option but a necessity but I've always been old school. I asked my lady's father over the phone because 600 miles is a bit much; I do wish I had done so in person though. I have yet to pop the question as I need to ask her grandfather (mother's side and was pretty much her father growing up), save up some more money, and wait for the right moment.

Her father and I are cool so he totally supported it. If he didn't approve I'm not sure what I would have done; either do it anyways, or work to butter him up until he approved I suppose

[hotreds]

The Father and the father, yes!

[Springsman]

I'm the most interesting man in the world...Men ask me for my blessing to marry their daughter...my charisma can be seen from space...my beard is listed on my donor card....just kidding...good on ya for asking..It's the right thing to do.

[BlackDog]

I young man recently asked me if he could marry my daughter. They have been dating for almost two years, so I was not suprised when he asked, but I did very much appreciate it. I expect he will ask her sometime in the next month or so.

[Ratters]

I didn't ask either time. But I was old both times and already friends with my future FILs so it was more fun to surprise them with the news than ask permission.

[replicant_argent]

The little punk ass dipsh!t engaged to my daughter did not ask me. Both 18 years old, knowing/dating each other for a whole 5 months before he popped the question, and off to college together.
He asked my ex-wifes husband... Oh yeah, since then, that dude is on his way to being an ex husband now too.
I contemplate making putz-boy regret it, but resignation and tact set in and I don't. I am hoping for a better 2011. The wedding is in June, however...


I have more than a few concerns about the whole shootin' match, as you can probably tell.

[hscmit]

I asked, after 6 years of dating they sort of figured it was coming

[Lucky_Hippo]

I asked. My wife and I had been dating over 2 years and I had a pretty good relationship with her father but it still took 4 or 5 trips helping him carry stuff in from the car before I could find the courage to finally ask him.

In my book it's just the right thing to do.

[Skywalker]

The first time around, I asked because my bride wasn't 18 yet. The second time around, I wanted to ask but was denied the opportunity due to timing.

My daughter's fiancé didn't ask me... They're getting married in May! I think it would have been a sign of respect. However, I think things are different now and people lack social decorum.

It is what it is! Ask if you can or if the situation presents itself!:2

[STEVE S]

I think that it is best to ask, I wish that I had done so at the time (40 years ago), but I still had a good relationship with my in-laws. :2

[Dave128]

I asked in person about two weeks prior to popping the question. I'm glad I did. My FIL was pleased.

[wayner123]

I asked my Father in Law. I felt it was the right thing to do. It also gave me an opportunity to go over with him my plans for life and the life I would provide for her.

I hope the boy my daughter will choose will do the same.

[landhoney]

I asked my father in law, it was probably almost a full year before I actually got around to asking my wife, but I had asked him. My wife and I had been going out for a while (years), so I knew he approved, but I asked anyway (2005). :tu

[AlohaStyle]

I agree it's the right thing for a guy to do. However, for any father who was not asked by the son-in-law, keep in mind they simply might not have known the tradition and wasn't trying to dodge the question.

I was married 7 years ago and was with my wife for almost 3 years before I proposed and had a great relationship with my future in-laws. However, somehow I never knew about the tradition until 2 weeks before I was going to propose when someone asked me if I asked for a blessing... I lived in Hawaii and my in-laws in Seattle so I got on the phone twice a day trying to get in touch with the father. Finally, the day before I was going to propose, I had to leave a voicemail in the machine saying I really wanted to talk to (the father) and tried calling for the last week or so with no luck. I then proposed and later found out that her dad was gone hunting for over a week and the mother was out of town too. So my father-in-law did not know until after the fact but the parents appreciated that I at least tried calling beforehand. And yes I realize some guys might just be losers and not knowing the tradition might not sit so well...

After I proposed, my wife also asked me how I asked for her father's blessing since we lived so far away... so yes, I think it's the right thing to do but I wouldn't necessarily hold it against the son-in-law if he doesn't know the tradition. If he doesn't ask and you feel he's just spiting you, then he's a punk ass! LOL

[Tio Gato]

I asked my FIL after a round of golf. I was so nervous I didn't get up the courage to ask him until after two beers in the club house. He said "You should probably try living with her first, she can be very selfish.":confused:
I'm glad I didn't take his advice, we've been married for 17 years and it's been great.

[Chingas]

Call me old school but I believe in tradition and respect. I think it's out of respect to ask her Father to give her away to you. If I were to ever do it, in person is the only way bit if that's not possible, a phone call is better than nothing. Two Cents for what it's worth. I guess Two Cents IS what it's worth!

[Slow Triathlete]

I've been married twice and have asked their father both times. I grew up in the South and it is one of those things that I think is proper.

Not that their answers would have mattered....I would have done it either way. But it's the asking that counts.