Should I feel bad? mixed emotions...

[e-man67]

So I bought this huge humidor display cabinet..7ft tall, 46 wide, 16 deep..something I have dreamed of and I got it cheap. So I have it all sealed up and moved into the basement next to my bar...looks great. The wife comes home and I tell her to take a look..she does..and I say it "looks majestic doesn't it?!" And with that I get the third degree about how she doesn't condone the whole smoking thing and now it is on "display" for everyone to see. She thinks it is a bad example for our kids and isn't on board at all with it. Now my excitement has turned sour...I mean I don't want to send a message to my kids that "smoking is the coolest" or anything but I am an adult and we get different rules right? I mean I smoke outside and when they ask me about it I tell them it is a bad thing...not sure how to feel.

[ashtonlady]

How old are your kids? Mine were 12 and 13 when I started and we talked about it a lot at first. Do you show off your liquor bottles behind the bar?

[357]

Yeah I understand your dilema. My 4 yr old son and 3 yr old daughter ask me about it sometimes. I don't smoke that often, probably 10 cigars a month, maybe more in the summer. Anyway, I tell them it is something only grown ups can do. Of course that prompts "When I am grown up I want to smoke cigars too". Not sure how I feel about my kiddos saying that. I try to explain it is not good for you, but if done in moderation most things are ok. But alas, they don't understand.

[Mugen910]

Some times we goa bit far with our hobby and forget that our significant other also is effected with our cigar spending. I would feel bad but if you got a good deal then that's the angle I would have taken. If you didn't get a good deal and just decided to buy that's a diff scenario. If you have a good amount of $ for disposable income then I would just put it out of view and try to rationalize it with her. Worst case scenario is that you sell it and keep a low profile. A happy wife = a happy marriage.

[elderboy02]

Dude, enjoy the humi. She drinks alcohol in front of the kids and there are wine bottles on the counter.

Also, I will buy all of your cigars for 50% if you are forced to quit smoking :r

All joking aside, It will all be ok man. She will eventually like the humi. Just give her some time.

[Mugen910]

Dude, enjoy the humi. She drinks alcohol in front of the kids and there are liquor bottles on the counter.

I would be very careful treading there...both alcohol and smoking are not good arguments to have a fight about.

You drink....blah blah

You smoke..blah blah blah

[icehog3]

I would be very careful treading there...both alcohol and smoking are not good arguments to have a fight about.

You drink....blah blah

You smoke..blah blah blah

Peter farts...blah blah blah.


:r

[Brutus2600]

Seems like it's more your wife having an issue with you smoking and not really what other people think or the influence on the kids, those just seem like "bonus arguments" that she can add on top of her not liking it. Also, it's now more "in her face" with a display cabinet and not "out of sight out of mind." I know my gf took awhile to come around. How long have you been smoking? Also, is she or your kids around at all when you smoke?

[ninjavanish]

Well,

I'm certainly no expert on Wifes or kids.

But I would say that you should reference the poem:

"The Betrothed" by Rudyard Kipling

For a little perspective at the very least. Smart guy that Kipling.

One of my favorite poems.

[pnoon]

Peter farts...blah blah blah.


:r
HEY NOW!
:pn
Posted via Mobile Device

[neoflex]

How long have you been smoking? Are you new to this hobby of ours? Just asking because when I first met my wife many moons ago I only smoked on occasion but since than I have a much much larger collection and smoke more often to boot. When I started to step things up a bit my wife used to give me the whole thing about how she doesn't want me to smoke and wishes I would stop. If your new and it's new to her I would say tread lightly but stick with it but try to keep your purchases small and if you go big I would say don't flaunt it in hopes she doesn't notice. A few years ago my wife made a 180 in her opinion of my hobby. She knows that it is something I enjoy and knows that I bust my a$s everyday and now realizes that sitting outside with a good cigar relaxes me so she doesn't mind it. She will break chops a little if she sees me smoking one or more everyday but those times are far and few since free time tends to be rather limited. Hell, she even gave me the green light to buy a tower since she said she is tired of seeing so many humis around the house. She was even doing bills this week and I went a little nuts purchase wise the last couple of months and was waiting to hear it but all she said to me about them was, "Can you please use the debit card for your cigar purchases, I would rather you didn't use the credit card if you don't have to." She must have known I was shocked because of my face because she followed up with "I don't care about what you bought, you work hard and deserve it just please use the debit." I am still a little stunned but it may also be that I took her to the jewelery store the night before and she found two necklaces that she liked and couldn't decide which to get and I told her just get both if you like them. She responded with but that's a lot of money. I told her it's your birthday gift just get them both it doesn't matter.
The point of my long winded post is just go easy with purchases for a bit and let her see how much you enjoy the hobby and share things about it with her and I bet she will eventually come around to it if this is a new hobby for you. It took me some time but mone eventually got onboard with it and my wife was probably one of the toughest sells on it.

[CigarNut]

Like others have said you need to keep your wife happy. I suggest you move the humi to a less prominent location (at least for now). Then I would recommend that you have along talk with your wife.

Explain to her why you purchased the humidor, why you smoke cigars, and ask her what you can for her so that she at least tolerate will if not support your hobby - make sure that she understands how important it is to you (even if you have had these conversations before). I would also talk with her about how to have and handle the conversation with your kids.

Be nice, no threats or ultimatums -- you want to work with her on this so you both come out winners.

[357]

Eric,

What are her main objections to your smoking? Bad example for the kids, bad for your health, costs or?

[replicant_argent]

It sounds like a discussion of personal responsibility is called for, with the whole family taking part, and a frank, truthful discussion on what is important to you and your wife and children. Couldn't hurt, might open up a few doors and allow some or all of you to change your paradigms.

[elderboy02]

Could it possible be because she worked late last night and was maybe a little tired or had a bad day? I know you told me she wasn't too angry when you bought it.

[Da Klugs]

Sounds like a "fmaily discipline" issue. :D

http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/7039/daveandjane5km.jpg

[elderboy02]

:r That is great Dave! :lr

[e-man67]

I have been smoking cigars since 1990..my kids are 8 and 5...and I always smoke outside on the deck (or garage if cold) so they always see me. She always harps on me about smoking so much (1-2 per day) but now I am an every other day (trying). I try to tell her stress will kill you faster than smoking will but she won't listen. I have 2 small cabinets before I got the behemoth...this one you just can't hide.

[smelvis]

I don't know enough about your situation to say, I do say cigars are about the least harming of most man type hobbies out there. I may also say ya gotta have some pleasure in life I have done the no fun **** and it sucks.

I'll add I'm not married and haven't been for many years so my reactions are most liklely a bit different tha you married guy's.But if the problem is storing/ displaying seems kinda lame since you are seen smoking.

Good Luck!

[massphatness]

e - it's hard to tell from your posts, but did you include the wife in the decision to move your collection to a full-on display cabinet? If not, she may be taking it as a slap in the face that, despite her pleadings and protestations regarding this hobby, you're now rubbing her nose in it a bit with the tower humi.

[e-man67]

I did let her know before I bought it and she seemed cool with it. I talked about building a walk-in (for me) and a wine celler (for her) for awhile...then I found this cabinet that I could not pass up. She knows me..I always go ape **** with hobbies..but most of those were always in the garage (motorcycles, cars). Not rubbing her nose in it (at least not intentionally).

[HK3-]

Give it time. It will pass.

[357]

If health concerns are her biggest thing, there are a ton of arguments that can be made in your favor. Statistically speaking the most dangerous thing we each do on a daily basis is get into our car and drive to/from work.

Yet it almost sounds like, to her, there is some sort of stigma attached to being a smoker (cigar or otherwise). Has she been to any herfs? It might change her view on cigar smokers and any stereotypes she can't shake. I believe most non-smokers would be surprised and impressed by the group of guys/gals who frequent our herfs. It is a great bunch from all walks of life.

My mom and step-dad were pretty taken aback when they found out I smoked cigars. Neither liked it and my mom felt very strange the first time she saw me smoke. Since then I have convinced my step-dad to come with me to a local B&M with a lounge and try a cigar. He now looks forward to those times we can sit, relax, smoke, and talk. He doesn't smoke on his own, or own any cigars/paraphernalia, but he looks forward to that opportunity. Heck, recently my mom told me he was telling my great uncle how cigars have brought he and I closer.

[neoflex]

Well in that case it sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If in your shoes I would probably just roll with it and wait for it to blow over. Woman are fickle creatures so we might as well not even try to understand how their minds work. Good luck. Hope it blows over sooner rather than later.

[357]

Well in that case it sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If in your shoes I would probably just roll with it and wait for it to blow over. Woman are fickle creatures so we might as well not even try to understand how their minds work. Good luck. Hope it blows over sooner rather than later.

Good advice. Probably the best course of action for the short term. Buy her some flowers too. ;)

[e-man67]

Has she been to any herfs? It might change her view on cigar smokers and any stereotypes she can't shake. I believe most non-smokers would be surprised and impressed by the group of guys/gals who frequent our herfs. It is a great bunch from all walks of life.


No she hasn't been to any Herfs...the only one she has met that I smoke with mostly is Dan and you know what a jerk he is...:r

[elderboy02]

No she hasn't been to any Herfs...the only one she has met that I smoke with mostly is Dan and you know what a jerk he is...:r

I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not :=: :r :noon

[Brutus2600]

In all honesty it sounds like she was having a bad day. If you've been smoking cigars for 20 years, you smoke them at home (like...not exclusively at your B&M or something), you have two smaller display humis, and you included her in on the knowledge of this purchase, I think she just is unhappy about something else then. Maybe a bad day at work? Anyway, what John and Mike said are definitely true...letting the issue lie for a couple days, flowers, all that jazz...either she'll come around to it or if it truly is a big issue, then you guys can talk about it after it's had a few days to marinate and settle down.

Edit: Just re-read the above post. Just wanted to add that maybe she sees this as you ignoring her hobby (wine) and going with your cabinet instead of her wine storage? Maybe instead of flowers you could start seeing what she wants to do for wine storage, whether you build an actual room for it or build in some nice shelving in the basement next to the bar *shrug* Just an idea :)

[e-man67]

Hopefully she gets over it soon...I have many packages coming. :r

[elderboy02]

Hopefully she gets over it soon...I have many packages coming. :r

:r Maybe you should have them sent to me and I will sneak them in the basement when your wifey isn't looking :r

[jdakine]

This would a great time to start on that wine celler for her that you mentioned. it may be after the fact, however it stills goes a long way with smoothing things out and making her happy :)

Happy wife is a happy life:2

[Mugen910]

I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not :=: :r :noon

just tell him you've been called worse by better...that's what I usually retort with.
:r

[357]

His & hers Vinos? One for wine one for cigars?

[elderboy02]

No she hasn't been to any Herfs...the only one she has met that I smoke with mostly is Dan and you know what a jerk he is...:r

I've been called worse by better :hf

just tell him you've been called worse by better...that's what I usually retort with.
:r

Thanks Mr. Bao! :banger