Smokin Gator
09-09-2010, 06:46 PM
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out
for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and **** for Brains.
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave
and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill,
out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item
he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in
the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more
than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any
argument.
· Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
· A successful man is one who makes
more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings
and funerals.
NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as
they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during
the night.
OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows
all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some
short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out
for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and **** for Brains.
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave
and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill,
out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item
he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in
the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more
than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any
argument.
· Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
· A successful man is one who makes
more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings
and funerals.
NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as
they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during
the night.
OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows
all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some
short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!