View Full Version : Guy walks into a bar
MajorCaptSilly
08-29-2009, 01:41 PM
A guy walks into a bar with a live chicken under his arm. The bartender says "You can't have a chicken in the bar". The man then takes the chicken from under his arm and eats it whole. He says to the bartender "I hope your happy! Now I'm gonna have get a new harpsichord!"
MCS
Starscream
08-29-2009, 01:48 PM
A man walks into a bar...
Ouch!
Blindjimme
08-29-2009, 01:54 PM
A live chicken... :r a harpsichord... :r .... wait, is this a test? :)
Kreth
08-29-2009, 04:37 PM
A baby seal walks into a club.
Posted via Mobile Device
icehog3
08-30-2009, 12:33 AM
Knock knock.
McSmokey
08-30-2009, 01:05 AM
Who's there
MajorCaptSilly
08-30-2009, 10:46 AM
It's 1972 and a man walks into a bar with a live goose under hs arm. The bartender says "You can't have live geese in here, man!". The guy says "But I'm a Cubs fan". The bartender then says "Come here and I will splash you with some Vermouth for free.".
MCS
icehog3
08-30-2009, 11:19 AM
Who's there
Scott's harpsicord.
Texan in Mexico
08-30-2009, 11:38 AM
What, and give up show business?
Starscream
08-30-2009, 04:11 PM
A guy walks into a bar. Two hours later he walks out drunk off his @$$!
MajorCaptSilly
08-30-2009, 06:24 PM
Two guys walk into a bar. One is holding a picture of Jack Benny, the other, a picture of Lenny Bruce. The bartender says "We are all out of manilla envelopes."
MCS
DoctorBJ
08-30-2009, 06:27 PM
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders dinner. The bartender says, we don't serve food here.
Starscream
08-31-2009, 06:36 PM
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
MajorCaptSilly
08-31-2009, 06:49 PM
The Blues walks into a bar and says "I got the damn blues dammit!"
MCS
Starscream
08-31-2009, 06:56 PM
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walked into a bar. Wait...
What the hell are a rabbi, a priest, and a minister doing in a bar?
Mr.Maduro
09-01-2009, 06:40 AM
There are two elephants in the bath tub taking a shower. One elephant says to the other, "Can you please pass the soap?" the other elephant says "What do I look like, a shoe?"
SchizoFilly
09-01-2009, 07:44 AM
This reads like a british comedy....I'm not sure if I should be laughing, but others seem to be enjoying it.
MajorCaptSilly
09-01-2009, 07:52 AM
There are two elephants in the bath tub taking a shower. One elephant says to the other, "Can you please pass the soap?" the other elephant says "What do I look like, a shoe?"
That was beautiful!
MCS
Mr.Maduro
09-01-2009, 07:54 AM
That was beautiful!
MCS
I had a feeling you would enjoy that. My friend and I have been telling that one for years.
MajorCaptSilly
09-01-2009, 07:58 AM
A Ziggy comic walks into a bar and says "Bartender, I'm having a "Ziggy" day. What drink can you recommend for someone having a "Ziggy" day?" The bartender says " I never liked Ziggy. I've always been more of a Tank Mcnamara guy. How about some Gin and Drano?"
MCS
Mr.Maduro
09-01-2009, 08:04 AM
An oldie but goodie...
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face?
:r
MajorCaptSilly
09-01-2009, 08:05 AM
There was a fire at the wax lips factory today. All the wax lips melted and there was a big mess.
MCS
ahc4353
09-01-2009, 08:07 AM
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts".
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
MajorCaptSilly
08-29-2010, 07:48 PM
The original members of Menudo walk into a bar. Each member is wearing a New Kids on the Block t-shirt, a Backstreet Boys hat, and an NSYNC belt buckle. All the members order a Vodka and orange soda. The bartender says, "That's Keith Richards' favorite drink!". Terence Trent D'Arby was not harmed during the festivities.
MCS
Mr.Maduro
08-29-2010, 08:15 PM
A buffalo and hippo are getting ready to arm wrestle. Right before the match starts the referee kicks the hippo's chair out from underneath him. The hippo says why'd you do that for? The referee says leave my bologna sandwich alone!
JaKaacH
08-29-2010, 08:22 PM
A giraffe walks into a bar and says "the high balls are on me"
GolfNut
08-29-2010, 08:23 PM
I'll admit it. I'm not smarter than a 5th grader..or MCS or MrM.
A man walks into a bar, slips on some beer and falls down. The buffalo just shakes his head and walks out.
Posted via Mobile Device
JaKaacH
08-29-2010, 08:28 PM
Crystal walks into a bar and says "are you guys sniffing each others bags again".
A guy walks into a bar, and it broke his nose.
nozero
08-29-2010, 08:31 PM
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve stings here." So the pieces of string walk out.
They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.
Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Hey, you're not a string, are you?"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
JaKaacH
08-29-2010, 08:34 PM
A guy walks into a bar and orders cake. The bartender ask what kind, beef or patty?
icehog3
08-29-2010, 10:26 PM
A guy walks into a bar, notices his ex-wife is there with a date, and proceeds to eat a whole loaf of banana bread.
Silound
08-31-2010, 10:49 AM
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar...everyone is immediately drunk from the fumes.
MajorCaptSilly
08-31-2010, 10:52 AM
A guy walks into a bar, notices his ex-wife is there with a date, and proceeds to eat a whole loaf of banana bread.
That's what I would do.
MCS
icehog3
08-31-2010, 10:53 AM
That's what I would do.
MCS
Tell me about it. I must have eaten 60 loaves already. She really gets around.
JaKaacH
08-31-2010, 11:26 AM
A guy walks into a bar and orders cake. The bartender asks "Do you want the gravy on the side".
yourchoice
08-31-2010, 11:35 AM
Scott's harpsicord.
Scott's harpsicord who?
MajorCaptSilly
08-31-2010, 11:40 AM
Scott's harpsicord who?
Scott's harpsicord in a wagon parked by your car! Face! Face! Face!
MCS
MajorCaptSilly
08-31-2010, 11:42 AM
A bartender walks into a bar. The bartender says "Woah!" Nobody knows which bartender as each bartender's mouth was obscured.
MCS
Starscream
08-31-2010, 12:02 PM
This thread has been brought to you today by:
The letter Z, the number 789.2, and Gregory Peck.
Chainsaw13
08-31-2010, 06:44 PM
These two hippos, Joe and Jake, walk into a bar and have a seat at a table. They order their drinks and while waiting Joe starts telling Jake about his day. "Jake, you'll never believe it. I"m minding my own business at the water hole and this Jeep drives up. Out jumps the white hair dude from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. He levels a rifle at me and fires. I feel a pinch and see a dart sticking out of my shoulder. Next thing you know the world goes dark. I wake up all groggy and have this damn tag in my ear now".
Just then a sheep at the next table leans over and says, "I can't help but overhear your conversation. Same thing happend to me today". The sheep flips his ear over to show a shiny new tag.
Joe looks and Jake and says, "Hey Jake, look at this, a sheep that can talk".
JaKaacH
08-31-2010, 07:07 PM
Flo the Progresseve insurance gal and the GeIC0 gecko walk into a bar.
The bartender sees them, pulls out a sawed off shotgun and puts them out of our misery.:banger
markem
08-31-2010, 07:10 PM
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_03/Chinesebuilder2EP_468x384.jpg
and had to be operated on
Chainsaw13
08-31-2010, 07:19 PM
Flo the Progresseve insurance gal and the GeIC0 gecko walk into a bar.
The bartender sees them, pulls out a sawed off shotgun and puts them out of our misery.:banger
:=: :tpd:
Matt-N-Ga
08-31-2010, 07:48 PM
Two guys walk into a bar...the third guy ducked and laughed "drunk dumb asses"!!!!!
Kreth
08-31-2010, 08:00 PM
A baby seal walks into a club.
Posted via Mobile Device
a club walks into a bar and was told to beat it.
shilala
08-31-2010, 08:13 PM
These two hippos, Joe and Jake, walk into a bar and have a seat at a table. They order their drinks and while waiting Joe starts telling Jake about his day. "Jake, you'll never believe it. I"m minding my own business at the water hole and this Jeep drives up. Out jumps the white hair dude from Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. He levels a rifle at me and fires. I feel a pinch and see a dart sticking out of my shoulder. Next thing you know the world goes dark. I wake up all groggy and have this damn tag in my ear now".
Just then a sheep at the next table leans over and says, "I can't help but overhear your conversation. Same thing happend to me today". The sheep flips his ear over to show a shiny new tag.
Joe looks and Jake and says, "Hey Jake, look at this, a sheep that can talk".
Marlin Perkins is the badassest. :tpd:
Kreth
08-31-2010, 08:23 PM
Marlin Perkins is the badassest. :tpd:
Marlin was a wuss. He was always watching from the helicopter while Jim got breechloaded by some pissed off predator.
"Get 'em, Jim!" :r
A bar walks into a guy............Yowzers!
Parshooter
09-01-2010, 10:53 AM
Two blondes walk into a bar, you'd think the second one would have seen it.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Da Klugs
09-01-2010, 11:37 AM
A guy walks into a bar....
Orders a shot
and another
and another
and another
and another
bartender says ... hey buddy everything Ok?
Guys says... sure, just had my first BJ today.
bartender... well let me buy you one on the house.
Guy... no thanks if 5 cant get that taste out of my mouth....
md4958
09-01-2010, 11:48 AM
http://i427.photobucket.com/albums/pp360/md4958/guywalksintoabar.jpg
Texan in Mexico
09-01-2010, 11:49 AM
I hobble into a bar, bartender says "Knee problem?", I answer no I´m just a fungi
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"
BC-Axeman
09-21-2010, 09:00 PM
The internet goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he knows any good jokes.
The bartender leans forward and says "Who is John Galt?"
MajorCaptSilly
09-22-2010, 05:00 AM
The internet goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he knows any good jokes.
The bartender leans forward and says "Who is John Galt?"
Beautiful!
MCS
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